It Does Matter
by MsSarah-Berry
Summary: "He hits you doesn't he?" She places a hand on her cheek and peers into the mirror opposite her before her gaze drops to the floor and she begins to sob silently. He didn't know how he managed to do it- this girl normally turned him into a stuttering pile of jelly- but somehow Finn rose up off the bench and collected her into his arms. Finchel AU, possible triggers.
1. Prologue: Physically Ill

**A/N: Thanks so much for clicking on my story :D**

**Just for a little background, this story is set in their senior year, with some elements from the show but is mostly AU. **

**Finn and most of the guys on the football team never joined the Glee club and I introduced a new character, Zach. **

**This is mostly from Finn's POV but occasionally from Rachel's. I hope you guys enjoy it!**

**Remember, this is just a prologue so please keep reading and review!**

* * *

That curl.

It was that one little curl.

The curl that was hanging out of her loose bun, making it look perfectly messy.

Perfectly? Yes, she was perfect. When she laughed her musical laugh that little curl would bounce up and down and drive him absolutely crazy. He felt the urge to reach out to the seat in front of him to let free all of her perfect little chestnut ringlets. He wanted so badly for her to turn around, so he could smell her perfume that reminded him of hot chocolate on an early winter morning. He just wanted to see her gorgeous smile. Maybe tomorrow he would ask if he could borrow a pencil or something.

But she wasn't there the next day, or the day after that, or at all the whole week.

Staring into the emptiness where her pocket-sized figure belonged, he thought he could actually feel the hole opening up inside of his chest. The longer he stared the more positive he was that this girl was making him physically ill. If he could only just have a glimpse of those sun-kissed legs strutting down the hallway, or just hear the sound of her laughter ringing through the class, then maybe he wouldn't be spending yet another sleepless night looking up his symptoms on Web MD and being completely convinced he had cancer.

This girl was driving Finn up the wall; even the graceful curve of her neck that he had practically memorized from staring at in class all day drove him nuts. But the moment he set his mind on talking to her he became completely paralyzed, resulting in the only words he had ever said to her being: "um, uh, I mean- I'm sorry, never mind, dammit!" The only thing that could have made up for his idiocy in that moment was the wind chime laugh that he heard afterwards, and her yelling "See you later," to him as he stormed down the hallway, his cheeks ablaze.

He remembered how he got home that afternoon and ran straight up to his room and blasted some Def Leppard. He knew that way no one would come into his room and he would have his thoughts all to himself. He lay down on the bed and played the scene over and over in his mind. She had looked particularly beautiful that day, her hair curled and splayed out over both shoulders of her favorite short white and green dress with the Christmas sweater pattern on it. A pair of winter boots gave the outfit that playful hint of sexiness to the otherwise saintly innocence that just made her so very Rachel Berry. She was leaning up against her locker and talking about how romantic she thought Christmas was, she was speaking to a few of her friends- was it Mercedes and Tina? He couldn't remember. He was so fixated on those full and pouty lips of hers while she spoke that he almost forget to process what she was saying. "We should decorate the school more around Christmas time!" she said as she got more intense about the topic at hand, "I want to see mistletoe in every hallway and be able to smell those Christmas trees!" Her friends giggled, "Mistletoe, huh Berry? Who are you trying to snatch up so early in the holiday season?" Rachel flushed, and it was then that Finn noticed she had almost a glow about her skin… holy crap this girl was gorgeous. But there was something off, what appeared to be a little too much blush one side of her cheek actually looked like a partially healed bruise upon closer inspection. How on earth would that get there? He shook off his distraction and listened in again, "Christmas time is so romantic don't you think? I mean there's just this feeling in the air, and everything gets so chilly, and you're just looking for someone to keep you warm for the holidays. Inside and out…" she finished with a sad smile. They all nodded knowingly and that's when Finn was in trouble.

He had unknowingly been getting a bit too close to listen in on their conversation and now he was about 5 feet away from the group- and staring. He caught himself too late, "Can I help you?" Rachel looked him straight in the eyes. Those eyes of hers, like deep chocolate pools and he found himself absolutely lost and swimming in their decadence. And that was when he just ran for it, followed only by the giggles of Rachel's friends behind him. He was embarrassed to hell and scared out of his mind that she thought he was just some creep now- like that Jacob Ben Israel guy.

It looked like it would be just another night spent clinging desperately to the pillow that he wished so much was the soft and tiny frame of one Miss Rachel Berry.

But that was almost two weeks ago, and now she wasn't here. _Where was she? _He mulled things over in his mind as he continued to stare into her empty seat. He remembered how she looked last week during his daily waiting-for-Rachel-to-pass-my-locker-on-her-way-to-fifth-period ritual. She looked sad as she kicked up the pretend dust in the hallway. Did she look at him as she brushed past? No, she couldn't possibly have. She furrowed her brow and took a deep breath as she continued on her way to class, barely even aware of his existence.

And that was when he started worrying about her.

If he had thought that this girl had made him sick before, then_ boy_ was he in for the ride of his life. Every day after that she looked a little bid sadder. She was still her determined and strong self, but now with a touch of sadness. He wanted to talk to her, to tell her that it was going to be okay while he soothed away the tears.

And just on the day he had gathered the courage to talk to her, she had disappeared; leaving her seat and his newly brittle heart empty.


	2. Small Piece of Heaven

It was the first time that Finn had seen her in over a week, and boy was she a sight for black eyes.

"Hey! Hey, Zach, geez what are you doing? Leave him alone!" She yelled in horror as she ran down the hallway towards him, "It's none of your business; this is football stuff. Just go away, this has nothing to do with you, I'll call you later." He yelled back at her from under the arm he was using to pin Finn to the locker. "No, you won't if you continue acting like this, what the hell is wrong with you?" She spit the words in his face as the other football guys tried to pull her away. "Nothing is wrong with me Rachel, and don't you dare start doing your crazy diva act in front of my friends." He pushed Finn off onto one of his friends and they continued pushing him around. "Those aren't your friends! They would blindly follow anyone who had the cash to get them wasted every weekend!" The guys on the football team shuffled their feet and looked vaguely guilty. "Don't you see, beating up people who are weaker than you doesn't make you cool, it doesn't even make people like you! And those stupid 'friends' of yours would never give you second look if they knew-" Zach rushed her and slammed her into the locker, just like he had done to Finn not five minutes ago, but perhaps this time with a bit more intensity and purpose. Rachel gave a strangled cry as Zach realized what he had done. "I didn't- I mean- Rachel, baby I'm so-" he backed away in shock as Rachel crumpled to the floor, tears springing to her eyes instantly. Rachel balled up and looked so small and broken, it was the most heartbreaking thing Finn had ever seen. He was so angry, how could anyone hurt the nicest and sweetest girl he had ever met like that?

He wanted to kill Zach, and before he even knew what he was doing he found himself sprawled on the floor with Zach underneath him and blood on his fists. He was terrified of what he was doing, yet he didn't know if he could stop. He thought he was going to punch his face in when one of the teachers came out and dragged the two away from each other. He was almost glad.

* * *

She knew they were done in the principal's office when Zach came out with fists blazing into the lockers, "This is bullshit!" still rung through the hallway when Finn came out a minute later and timidly made his way to the boys locker room. Rachel left her hiding place in one of the darkened classrooms and followed him silently to his destination. She slipped in after she made sure she didn't hear anyone else inside.

He padded quietly into the boys locker room and sighed as he looked into the mirror. He hadn't even realized that the coward had gotten in one of his own, and he never would have known if not for the blood trickling down his bruised cheek. It was just then that he started to feel the pain, and he groaned as he reached for one of the towels to clean it up. He started when he heard a voice behind him, "Give me that." He whipped around to see his angel, he was surprised to see her there and she still looked a little shaken up even as she strode confidently towards him. He tried voicing the words to ask her what exactly she was doing there, but he was so flustered that before he could even set his mind straight she had the washcloth in hand and had shoved him down onto one of the benches. She wet the washcloth and gently placed it on his burning cheek. He flinched a little and she bit her lip, "sorry," he looked up at her and realized this was the first time they had really spoken. She must have been thinking along those lines when she caught his eyes on her and questioned, "You speak?" His eyes had been set on that bruise that he had seen last week. It was still there, but darker, which didn't make sense. "What happened to you?" he said in his most cautious voice. He had obviously hit a sensitive spot with his question by the look on Rachel's face. "Nothing, I mean, it doesn't matter really. That's not what I came in here for. I just really wanted to thank you. Zach thinks that no one can stand up to him, and you just proved him very wrong, so, thanks." Finn wrinkled his forehead and really looked into her eyes, it must have made her nervous because she pretended to thoroughly concentrate on cleaning his blood stained face.

"He hits you doesn't he… like he did in the hallway?"

Rachel dropped the wet cloth to the floor with a resounding squish.

"Is that why you were gone?" and Finn pointed to her face.

She placed a hand on her cheek and peered into the mirror opposite her. She seemed to be thinking for a little while before her gaze dropped to the floor and began to sob silently. He didn't know how he managed to do it- this girl normally turned him into a stuttering pile of jelly- but somehow Finn rose up off the bench and collected her into his arms.

He didn't know how long they stood there like that, but what he did know was that this was what holding a small piece of heaven was like.


	3. Beautiful and Hurting

**A/N: Thank you all for the amazing response this story has gotten! I've gotten almost five hundred views in a day! wow! I hope you enjoy this next chapter, it's a bit longer because I had more motivation writing after the nice reviews I got. Want more of the story? Then please keep reviewing :D**

It was three weeks later- Christmas break was over and they hadn't spoken to each other since that day in the bathroom- at least not with their words. After she had sobbed in his arms for almost ten minutes she had taken a step back, dried both of her eyes, and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek before simply walking out of the bathroom. She left him with only the resounding click of her pumps, a small spot on the shoulder of his football jersey, and a bewildered look on his face. He had wanted to say something, anything, but with her in his arms and her delicious perfume wafting up to his nose all he could do was just hold on for dear life. He stroked her gorgeously silky hair and gently rubbed her back, finally coming up with the only thing he really could say, "Its okay now." Because he really thought it would be.

The next day he had expected her to come up and say something, at least a small acknowledgement of what had happened. Their conversation in the bathroom hadn't really addressed anything and he had hoped to at least tell her that everything was resolved with the principle. But when she passed by on her way to fifth period she gave him only a small smile, anyone who had seen the transaction could only assume they were strangers.

And they were strangers, they really were. He tried to learn as much as possible about her, but the only time they had really been together was in the bathroom. And as for her, he had no idea how she felt, maybe he was just another face to her, perhaps a little bit more because of what he had done for her.

Every long day through those three weeks he had wanted to say something. He had gotten her phone number some time back and he wanted to at least text her something. He would lay under the covers at night typing messages he knew he would never send, and then fall asleep with his thumb on the send button. But he knew he was only going to see her again the next day in the hallway with her arm linked around Zach's, and he really didn't understand how someone so special could stay with a guy like that.

But today he couldn't contain it. He had seen her laughing and talking in the hallway today holding Zach's hand with a ripe purple bruise above her eyebrow, badly hidden with her bangs and some makeup. He had wanted to tackle the guy again, but knew he probably shouldn't cause another scene. Was everybody in this place blind?! She had probably told everybody she had fallen down or some crap. He had to settle with punching in some poor bystanders locker when they had disappeared down the hallway.

* * *

He found her alone at her locker after school. He collected himself with a deep breath and walked over, pushing her locker door shut.

"Oh! What- Finn? You really scared me." She pouted.

"So you know my name then?" he said, slightly annoyed.

"Yes, what are you talking about? Did I do something wrong?" She shook her head in confusion and began to open her locker again, failing to dodge his gaze. Finn took her hands away from the lock and placed one hand in each of his. Rachel couldn't keep up the façade.

"Rachel, look at me." Finn said slowly and softly, he didn't want to scare her away.

Rachel's lower lip trembled slightly and she finally looked up into his eyes.

Finn placed a gentle hand on the bruise and felt himself getting very, very angry. He dropped her hands and walked away from her down the hallway before stopping mid-stride and turning around on his Ked's with a screech. **"Why are you with him?"** he yelled, surprising himself, he was shaking.

But before Finn had even finished his last words Rachel yelled over him **"Why do you care?"**

They both realized what they were doing too late, Finn looked around to make sure no one was watching as Rachel covered her face with a hand and looked at the ground once more. There were a few people standing around in the hallway with newly raised eyebrows, and there were enough of them so that Finn decided they should take it somewhere else. He quickly grabbed a surprised Rachel's hand and pulled her into the nearest empty classroom.

"Look, I hardly know you; I really don't need to be discussing my life with you!" She said defensively.

"Listen, Rachel, you asked me why I cared and I think I deserve for you to at least hear me out." He gave her questioning look and she nodded in approval. Rachel had already hopped up on a desk, so Finn pulled a chair around to face her.

"Everyone else can ignore this but I can't. I 'm not going to be a coward anymore. Look Rachel, you are beautiful and you are hurting, and no amount of makeup can cover up either of those facts. No one else wants to say anything but I have to. I don't want to sound, like, weird or anything but- I've been watching you. You're not okay. And when we were in the bathroom you said that it didn't matter but it does; it really, really matters because you are too special to ever be treated this way. And I guess I care because what he's doing to you isn't right. And because, well-" Finn took a deep breath and looked over at Rachel. She was rubbing her arm and looking very uncomfortable. He took a finger and pulled her chin towards him "Please Rachel-"

"Because you like me," She said quietly.

"What?" Finn said, he had just been caught very off guard.

"You think I don't notice you watching me out of the corner of your eye almost every day by your locker, and my friend Tina told me that you were an absolute distracted mess when I was gone, you were like staring at my seat the whole time, and then there was that one time you came up to me and-."

"Woah, woah, Rachel, seriously." Finn was turning bright red and was getting more flustered by the minute. It didn't help that Rachel was talking about a mile a minute. Rachel burst out laughing, "Look at how pink your little head gets." She giggled some more.

"No, wait, just wait a second Rachel. I'm trying to say something to you-" Finn took one of many deep breaths and somehow got out: "I _do_ care about you but that's not why what he's doing isn't right. Look, if anyone was being hurt like this I would care, I don't want you to think that the only reason I took notice was because well- yeah- I mean I really- yeah." Finn finished in silence and rested his chin on the chair he was sitting backwards on. He just stared at her. Rachel's expression had somehow gotten serious after her giggling spree and she looked like she was debating with herself in her mind.

"Well- Zach." It looked like she wanted to say more but the way Finn's jaw was tensing warned her against it.

"Look Finn I know it's messed up. But he cares about me." She put a hand up to silence him because she knew the reaction what she had just said would draw.

"Us girls, we're stupid. Really stupid. And I think we like that mean streak in a guy because we think it means they can protect us, and we think it's charming. We never think that mean streak is going to turn on us but one day it does and it's _bad_. But it doesn't mean he loves me any less. It just means he's human and he makes mistakes just like everyone else. I can't even think about leaving him- he's even threatened to kill himself if I left him. So look, I'm really sorry Finn but you can't just come in and _care_ about me and expect me to get with you. I'm sorry."

She strode out of the classroom once again leaving only the gentle click-clack of her pumps. But this time she didn't leave his heart soaring, she just left it shattered.


	4. Word Vomit

**A/N: Just a quick update, I've been ****_trying_**** to do one a day just to keep the creative juices flowing and keep the buzz from the story going- Don't want to make you guys wait super long to find out what happens and all :) hope you don't mind the switch in POV also. And for those of you asking for more "Finchel loving" don't worry, just be patient, I'm not going to have a horrible ending where I suddenly kill off all the characters... O.O **

**I'm still editing the whole thing as I go along- no major changes at all, just added a few lines but you might want to quickly skim some of the old chapters if you've been following. Thanks! As always keep reviewing!**

Rachel didn't know how she had done it, normally she was just a giggling mess around boys but around Finn- he just did something to her. Somehow she had collected the phrases to describe exactly how she was feeling and she had word vomited them all over poor Finn. She didn't mean to be harsh, she just had this new air of confidence that she hadn't known before she found out exactly what someone would do for her when they knew she was hurting. She hadn't wanted him to pound on Zach like that, but she knew that what Zach was doing was wrong.

She hardly even knew Finn and yet he had held her and listened to her cry and reassured her. And it felt different- unlike when she was with Zach, she didn't just feel wanted she felt... safe?

_"Maybe I shouldn't have hurt the only person willing to stand up for me." _she thought. And the more she lay awake thinking about it the more she realized that what she had said to him was _really_awful.

The last time Zach had hit her was before Finn had punched the living daylights out of him. Maybe that's all it took to make Zach stop- someone just had to show him that not everyone was afraid of him and that he could in fact be stopped. They were having an argument that day- another one. Zach wouldn't stop pushing around some of the slightly less popular Glee kids and Rachel was not happy. The argument had climaxed into Rachel yelling in his face that he never would have dated her if for the popularity that winning nationals had brought her. Zach turned around and slapped her, _hard._ And he hit her again the next week- that was the mark that Finn had asked her about in the bathroom. It wasn't the first time he had hurt her but it was definitely the worst time, up until the bruise on her forehead this week. He had threatened her before, and it definitely scared her, but she never thought he would do anything. He apologized and told her it would never happen again, _never baby, just don't make me mad like that, you made me hit you_. He kept on telling her that it didn't matter why he was dating her- if she didn't stay with him no one would even look at her. She cried for hours after she had made him leave, her thoughts were running through her head in every direction and she didn't know what to do. Her dad's weren't going to be a problem- they were barely home what with it being their anniversary this month. She would have to tell them she got hit with a football while watching Zach practice of something- did they even have football in December? Oh well, her dad's wouldn't notice. They were away on some sort of cruise, and they definitely trusted Rachel. She almost never had Zach over to the house lately anyways; she preferred hanging out in front of his family, where he wouldn't do anything to her. He'd pushed her around a couple of times- bruised her shoulder slightly or hurt her wrist, but when she woke up the next morning with her eyes swollen from crying and saw how bruised her cheek was it scared her, and it totally crushed her spirit.

She was too upset to go to school after that, and it wasn't like she could cover up something that big anyways. One skipped day of school quickly turned into a week and she took the schools calls every day pretending to be one of her dad's. She told everyone else that she was sick, but looking back they should have known better. They knew what Zach could do. Zach came over about the third day after she hadn't answered any of his calls. She didn't want him in her house alone for very long and she came up with some excuse to shuffle him out of there.

Up to now Finn was the only one that had noticed what was going on with her, and she didn't know how to feel about that.

She didn't know what to do about Zach either. No one was ever going to put up with her the way he did- at least that's what he said.

But what she hadn't expected was to feel like she didn't _have _to put up with him anymore.


	5. Perfect and Honest

**A/N: Yay lots of stuff happening in this and the next chapter! Sorry I couldn't update yesterday, so today you're getting ****_two chapters _****and I changed the last one a tad! Hope you like angst because ****_that's_**** my middle name :) Read/enjoy/review please!**

He couldn't think straight.

"Finn, Finn? Hello?" she snapped in front of his face. They had been assigned as lab partners, of _course _they had.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry what about the ph levels?"

"Look, why don't we just finish this experiment and then we can do the write up later- the periods almost over, you've been zoning out the whole time."

He was just so frustrated.

"Yeah, sorry about that." He said, not so much meaning it.

"Are you- you're not mad at me are you?"

It's not like he hadn't been thinking about it all Chemistry class, but he didn't really want to talk about that here. Or anywhere. Or ever. He was just so humiliated and confused. He gave her a look.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Rachel wrinkled her nose. "Look, why don't we do the write-up at my house, it's not due until next week so come over Saturday."

"Well-" Finn stopped himself, he should really be taking whatever he can get from his goddess- even if this very same girl had just kind of stomped all over him. "_Geez I'm being a girl._" Is what he had been thinking a lot lately.

"You know what, that actually sounds great Rach." He said with is classic lopsided Finn smile. He swung his bag over one shoulder just as the bell rang and sauntered out of class.

Rachel just looked at him- wondering what in the world was going on in his mind. She knew that she had hurt him, but maybe she had really confused him too. Hell, even_ she_ was confused.

* * *

Finn pulled up to her house with sweaty palms on the steering wheel. Why on earth had she invited him? Why on earth had he _come_? It certainly wasn't for chemistry he knew that much. He laughed bitterly as that last sentence ran through his mind. He wasn't sure if he could be around her for very long without being just, well,_ weird_. He had kind of said a lot of things he had never said to anyone before and she just knocked him down a peg. He had taken a friggin beating for this girl. Speaking of beatings- wouldn't Zach be wondering why he was here tonight? He only hoped Rachel had taken this into consideration.

Somehow or another he had ended up on her front step with one hand raised to the door. He put it down. He put it back up again. He walked back to his car. He walked dejectedly back to the door and knocked.

Her beaming face appeared in the doorway seconds later

"Hey Rach." He said with a small smile

"Where did that nickname come from anyways?" she said a little out of breath and disappeared back around the screen door after kicking it open for him.

He uncomfortably followed his sense of smell to the kitchen where she was taking the most delicious looking cookies off of the pan and placing them on a rack.

"I baked for you! They're my famous chocolate chip cookies. You should consider yourself lucky Finn Hudson." she said with a big grin.

"Yeah what's up with that anyways?" Finn sat down opposite her on a bar stool in front of the kitchen counter.

"Well to be honest, I didn't really invite you over for Chem." She furrowed her brow a little and twisted those gorgeous lips to one side as she continued plating cookies. Finn just smirked, _who would've guessed?_

"I guess I just want to say I'm sorry for what I said to you. It was pretty harsh and I didn't mean it like that. You're the only one who's ever done something like that for me and I don't want you to forget how special you are after all I said." She looked at him pleadingly. There was a silence and Finn reached over to grab a warm cookie, he stuck the whole thing in his mouth so that it stuck out and he smiled. Rachel's serious look evaporated and she just laughed at how absurd he looked. He laughed a little too. "Well now that you've tasted them you have to forgive me!" she said when they had both stopped laughing. Finn just nodded reverently with a very solemn look that just said "Holy crap these cookies are good." She broke out into more giggles.

Once Finn had finished chewing he looked at her a little more seriously, he hadn't wanted to talk about it, but he also hadn't planned on her wanting to make amends, "Hey just promise me one thing, will you?"

"What's that" Rachel replied, coming around the counter to his side. She sat next to him and grabbed a cookie too.

"Please don't let him hurt you again."

Rachel stared at the ground. "Yeah." she answered eventually, in a small voice. She was afraid of what would happen if she left Zach. He threatened her a lot, made her feel guilty- she didn't care so much about losing her popularity, but he was always talking about how much he did for her and the other glee 'losers'. She didn't want to hurt them too.

Finn didn't know what to do; here he was in _her_ house, eating _her_ delicious homemade cookies, and he had just made her feel like crap. He bounced his knee nervously as he awkwardly put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her._ Could he please just hold her again?_

"I didn't mean to…" his voice trailed off. She already knew. Rachel kicked at the stool and pulled her head back up, as if she remembered something.

"Hey I don't want to start anything, but I do have a question for you. Maybe it will explain why I said what I said." Rachel bit her lip as she queried Finn.

"Um… shoot" Finn replied cautiously, hoping he wouldn't regret it.

"Well- I think maybe I thought wrong about you, I mean when I yelled at you in the classroom. I mean, I know you're really nice and all from the times I've talked to you and seen you around school- but the way you so easily hit Zach, I guess I thought that maybe you were like him too. I mean he hurt me, and what you did had to be done, but I don't understand how you can say that what Zach is doing is so horrible if you were the first one to jump him and beat on him like that. So, well, I guess this isn't really a question, it's more just me wanting you to explain yourself. I guess, if you know what I'm saying?" she finished uncertainly. Where had that show biz confidence she had acquired gone too?

Finn had an unreadable expression on his face the whole time she was talking, and he was wiping imaginary sweat from his brow as he began to answer.

"I'm not- Rachel I'm not like that. I'm not angry or violent, and I'm certainly _not_ like your boyfriend so please don't ever say _that_ again. It's just- well I guess- you looked so small and broken. When he shoved you into the lockers I mean. He had just done that to me so I _know_ that had to hurt Rach. And it made me so mad- madder than I've ever been before. And I don't know how I did it but I know I did it for you; because I didn't ever want to see you so broken like that ever again. You are Rachel Berry and you're dreams shine brighter than anyone else can, and the way he so easily defeated your spirit like that it was so wrong and I had to do something. There are guys out there who will love you so much more deeply than him and who won't hurt you, he's not your last option; there _is_ a guy out there like that for you." He paused to take a breath and his cheeks turned crimson, "I meant what I said before- no matter how I feel, what Zach does to you is wrong. But look Rachel you're really- well, special, to me and I never would have had the courage to hit someone like _Zach McClarty_ if it weren't for the way I feel about you." Finn let out a deep sigh, amazed at all he had just said.

Rachel was completely shocked- she had never expected such a completely perfect and honest answer. She rubbed her head; this was the kind of mess that she normally would file away in her head to sing or write songs about, but she couldn't very well do that _now_, could she?

"Thank you so much, Finn" she answered as best she could with a genuine grin on her face. "I really didn't mean for things to get so serious, why don't we watch a movie or something?"

Finn's look of apprehension prompted her to add: "My dad's aren't back until next week and Zach is at his dad's house." She had made sure of that last one, she didn't know what Zach would do if he knew Finn of all people was in her house. She was _scared_ of Zach.

Finn nodded in understanding as they made their way into the living room. Hey, if she couldn't be his, he was perfectly fine with just being her friend. At least now she knew how he felt, at least he got to be nearer to her perfect olive skin, and breathe her in better, and just look at her and talk to her a lot more than he would have been able to if he had just stayed shooting her longing glances in the hallway. She made him better, he wasn't going to be a coward anymore.


	6. Anything For You

It was endless texts and conversations and six movie nights later when Zach hit her again. There was no way that Finn could be mad that she had broken her promise, because this time it was his fault, this time it was about Finn.

He opened the door to a disheveled and tear-stained Rachel and immediately knew what had happened.

"I don't know how it came up- I just mentioned to that him you had come over a few times and he just- he just." Rachel let out a choked sob and let Finn gather her in his arms.

"This is all my fault Rachel, I am _so sorry_. I shouldn't have been spending so much time with you when I _knew _he wouldn't like it. I care about you but he _is_ your boyfriend and I _did_ kind of mess his face up- not that he doesn't deserve another round." Finn clenched his jaw as it was resting on top of her head, he was going to fall apart if this girl didn't stop hurting immediately.

"No, I invited _you _over, and I don't regret it. I just don't know if I can take this from him anymore. Really Finn, it's not your fault, you don't have to do anything." Rachel sniffed, taking a step back and looking at him.

"I'd do anything for you." Finn said looking into her eyes, when was this girl going to get that through her head?

Rachel's frown lifted into a smile and she wiped away a tear that had trickled down her face- a face that remained unhurt this time.

Normally she watched what she said around Zach, she practically walked around on egg-shells to ensure that he didn't have a blow up. But she had been happily chatting away when she accidentally mentioned it and Zach had come at her from across the room, shoving her into her closet and hitting her shoulder square on the door knob. He was very controlling of her lately- where she went, what she did, and even who she did it with, but he didn't know about this and that made him very angry. Before she had thought that it was her fault for angering him- that she somehow deserved this. But lately she had been feeling like she didn't love him at all. It scared her so much, she knew she felt _something_ for Finn but she couldn't quite figure it out yet, and she knew that Finn would give her time until she did. After Zach had pushed her he calmed down quickly- before her dads heard from downstairs. He did however talk to her in a very low but stern voice about how much he had sacrificed for her and how she was throwing it all away by being a _slut_. He had almost started crying before she began to apologize profusely, telling him truthfully that nothing had happened. And then in the middle of it all, she realized she didn't have to continue doing this. She didn't have to listen to him guilt tripping her and manipulating her when _he _was the one hurting _her._

She suddenly just didn't believe his lies anymore. Especially when she was in Finn's arms. The only reason she was now is because she immediately collected herself and kicked Zach out of her house- it wasn't that hard when her dads were around- and drove to Finn's house.

Finn had had enough of waiting for an answer from her, she was just standing on his front step staring teary eyed into space when he surprised her and picked her up bridal style and carried her inside to his sofa. He placed her down gently and laid a blanket on her before he went back to the front door and returned with his sneakers. He sat down on the couch and began pulling them on, much to her confusion.

"What are you doing?" Rachel said as she sat up a little.

"I've had enough of telling myself I'm not going to be a coward anymore. I don't care what he does to me, I have sit by and let him hurt you and listened to you cry about it way too many times. It kills me I haven't done this earlier."

"Finn what are you talking about, do what? I kicked him out; you're not going to find him anyways."

"Oh, I know exactly where he's going to be, if he's not getting wasted right now then the pope's not Catholic. Look my mom is off her shift in two hours, that gives me just enough time to drop you off before I go over there and give him a taste of his own medicine." Finn continued rushing around getting his jacket and his keys.

"Finn, don't do that! You'll just be stooping to his level, I shouldn't have come here, please just calm down, please? "

"I won't be stooping to his level; I'll be giving someone _my own size _a healthy beating, not manipulating and pushing around a defenseless young lady. And please don't say you shouldn't have come here Rach, I would die if he was hurting you and I didn't know." Finn took a deep sigh and paused from getting ready to go and give the whooping of his lifetime. He grabbed her hand, even if she was still Zach's he was determined to have at least a little piece of her right then. "Alright, Rach, I'll calm down but I still have to at least say something to him. You _know_ you want me to, I've heard enough from you in these past few weeks to be able to say with confidence that you don't want to be with him anymore- you're only sticking around because he's manipulating you."

Rachel took a deep breath and looked around, not sure exactly what to say, but knowing that whatever she said Finn wouldn't rest until something had been done. No one had ever cared for her so unselfishly this way. _No one._

"Please just don't get hurt. _Please."_


	7. Flashing Lights and Flashbacks

**A/N: I want to thank guest reviewer Madisynn for the AMAZING review she left me! It made me eeeeeh like a little girl and definitely inspired me to keep going strong with this story! I'm so glad you all like it :) For anyone out there who has experienced something like what Rachel is going through, just know that even if you don't have your own personal Finn to help you through it you have enough love inside to keep yourself strong!**

Finn slowly drove by the 'enter' sign to Pullman's bar and kept going. It wasn't the fear- it was the flashing lights. The revolving red and blue lights flickered against his car as a police officer tapped on his hood with a baton and told him to keep moving, there's nothing to see here.

But there most definitely was. The parking lot was a scatter of police cars and radio noise, Finn rolled down his window.

"What happened here, Officer?" Finn asked, slightly apprehensively. He had crashed down from his angry high so fast when he had heard the sirens from a distance that his hands were shaking.

"We're not allowed to disclose at this time, I'm sorry. You'll have to keep moving, bar's closed." The Officer said dismissively, about to turn and walk away.

"Well, wait. Did it involve Zach McClarty?" Finn said quickly.

"Well, yes. Son, do you know anything about what happened here tonight?" The officer said, rather disconcertingly. Uh oh.

"Um, no, I just know that he was here tonight, sorry." Finn waited for the Officer to nod his okay before he slid his car window up and drove away.

What had happened? Did they find out about what he was doing to Rachel? No, that couldn't be it. If anyone was going to get Zach in trouble for harming such a magnificent angel, Finn wanted it to be with him. Maybe he had been caught for his fake ID or gotten drunk and done something stupid. He would ask around about it later.

Whatever had happened, Finn was slightly relieved, he'd been thinking about it on the drive over, and he had _no_idea what he was going to say to Zach. When he saw Rachel hurting he could think of a million things to say, but right now he was blanking. Rachel was right, he didn't want to stoop to Zach's level and just go in there with fists blazing. Now that he had calmed down slightly he realized that Rachel was completely right.

Of course she was.

He smiled to himself as he thought of her, an image of perfection. Her big brown eyes and soft pink smile were the only things that could make him happy these days. He couldn't even describe how being around her- even just thinking about her made him feel. If someone had told him at the beginning of the year that Rachel and him would be friends- he would have laughed _so_ hard.

A flashback hit him of the first time he had looked at her. Really _looked_ at her. He had gone to school with her since 9th grade but today he noticed her in a different light. It was this summer, and she was standing in line by the counter of the Lima Bean. She had really grown over the summer and those mile-long legs of hers had caught Finns eye. He _was_ a guy after all, he had to admit, but it was what she did next that really had Finn powerless to stop thinking about her.

"Chloe, stop crying, we're going to be out of here in five minutes, _all right_? And for the last time, _no_, you cannot have a cookie!"

The woman in front of Rachel yelled at her daughter- an adorable little blonde girl with cheeks that were bright pink from crying. She couldn't have been more than 5 years old. She was staring into the cookie display with her snotty nose against the glass- sobbing in little bursts.

The mother finished her business at the counter and walked to the other side of the coffee shop, leaving her daughter behind and ranting under her breath the whole way.

Finn watched as Rachel place her order- all while giving the adorable little girl small glances, some of them with funny faces. The little girl began to giggle and tear her gaze away from the cookies. Rachel then leaned forwards and said something Finn couldn't hear to the cashier; the cashier just smiled and walked over to the cookie counter and discreetly placed a cookie in a napkin. Rachel took the cookie and slowly handed it behind her back to the now wide- eyed little girl. The little girl just smiled at her, thanking her wordlessly, and Rachel nodded with a big grin. Finn watched as the little girl hid behind a pillar and devoured the chocolate-chip cookie before her mother noticed.

It was such a simple thing to do, but it spoke so much about Rachel's character. Yes, Finn had heard that she could be a bit of a diva and kind of annoying at times, but he never knew she was so _kind_. Any other person would have looked on in disgust at a snotty-nosed child and the classic tired, yelling mom and just rolled their eyes. Even if they had done what Rachel did they would have bragged about it, or done it much less discreetly.

_"Why did she do that?"_ He thought to himself. He didn't know many people like that. This girl must be different.

He had to know this girl.

He asked himself for the billionth time that year why Zach- that stupid S.O.B.- had ever gotten so lucky.

He sped up a little as he continued driving past the bar, he wanted to see Rach and he wanted to see her now.

* * *

Finn ran up the front steps to Rachel's house and knocked on the door. One of her dad's answered, "Hey Finn, where's Rachel?" he said. They had gotten used to Finn visiting the house in these past few weeks.

"Hi Mr. Berry. Um… wait, what? I thought she was here?" Finn answered.

"She told us she was going out to see you almost an hour ago." Hiram answered with brows raised.

Finn started to panic. He didn't want to worry her dads; especially because Rachel didn't want them knowing about what had been going on recently.

"Oh, yeah,_ right_. She must not have gone home, I forgot. Don't worry, she's at my house." He lied. Finn had to admit- as much as he loved Mr. & Mr. Berry, they weren't the most attentive parents.

"Alright, tell her to be home before her curfew. Goodnight Finn." They waved as Finn jogged back to his car.

_What was he thinking?_ Leaving his precious Rach at her house, in the emotional state that she was in, and then driving away without her?

She'd _better_ be at his house.


	8. Idiots

**A/N: Thank you UptownWestworth, your review inspired this next speedy installment, so I hope you likey :D I hope you guys aren't annoyed by the format, I've been having trouble with making it spaced out ughh. Also, as you probably know I've been doing a chapter a day, and if you guys want me to slow it up some just give me a shout :D**

Finn got out and held the car door for her. He was so sweet like that, he wasn't like Zach. How could she ever have thought that?

She was worried about his need to hurt Zach, but he _was_ doing it to protect her. He wasn't playing those mind games that had spun Rachel around so many times.

She gave Finn a long hug, breathing him in before she let go. She didn't say anything, but the desperate look in her eyes said enough. He nodded back at her, cupping her cheek in his big, strong hands.

"Don't worry, Rach, please? I have to do something or he will keep hurting you." Finn looked at her tenderly. Rachel just nodded and turned towards her house. She heard Finn's truck door shut before he sped away behind her.

_What had she done?_ This was stupid, they should go together, or just do it later. Or not do anything at all, they should just run away together.

She had almost reached her front steps before she turned around and ran after Finn's car.

"Wait!" Rachel yelled, waving her arms in the air, but he was gone. She stood, bewildered, in the road for a minute before heading back to her front step. She sat down. She stood up. She stood in the middle of the lawn and fell backwards onto it with both arms extended. She had to think.

Finn had said so many times that Zach didn't deserve her, but who did deserve her then? Finn? No, he wouldn't say that, even if it was Rachel who didn't deserve Finn. She wished she could say that things started out simple and sweet with Zach, and that she didn't know what happened along the way. But that was far from true, Zach had bullied her all through middle school, and their relationship had started with a hate kiss. Rachel didn't know romance, and Finn completely baffled her with the things he would come out and say sometimes. Sweet and simple things that Zach would never say. She didn't know what was going to happen with Finn, but she knew there was something there. Even just lying here, mixed up and lonely, splayed out on the lawn in the dark, she could smile just thinking about him.

_I like him. _

_I like him? _

_Where did that come from? _

_Rachel Barbra Berry, get your head straight. You got hurt once and diving straight into something else isn't going to help you here. _

_But he is so sweet, and I love the way he looks at me. Even his bad qualities are good. His naiveté and his constant need to protect me. I'm not scared of him like I am of Zach. _

_Finn would never hurt me. _

_I like him. _

_I really like him._

_I like him and he's going to get hurt, and there's nothing I can do about it. _

_And what do I tell Zach? He'd go nuts if I broke up with him. What do I tell my parents? What do I tell Zach's parents? Will Finn expect me to immediately go out with him if I break up with Zach? Does Finn even like me still after seeing what a mess I let Zach make me? What if Zach really does kill himself?_

She was over thinking things again, she needed to stop thinking and just be an idiot for once.

It was only a matter of minutes before she had snuck into her basement and was searching for the liquor cabinet key.

* * *

Finn broke more than a few rules going the four or five blocks from Rachel's house to his in under a minute. He screeched into the drive-way, parking at an angle before he sprinted up to his front door.

_I shouldn't have left her. I shouldn't have left her._ Idiot. _I shouldn't have left her._

"Rachel?" He was yelling even before the door opened before him.

"Finnocence, I was _so _worried!" Rachel smiled sexily as she leaned against the door frame.

Finn was a bit confused but he went in to embrace her anyways. He picked her up off the floor in a hug and spun her around before setting her back down on the ground.

"Rachel, for goodness sakes don't you ever do that to me again, I didn't know where you were and I went to your house and…" He paused before he finished his sentence, noticing how extra dizzy the hug had made Rachel.

He leaned forward and sniffed. It was just a light scent, but it was still there.

"Rachel, you're drunk." Finn said, serious and almost disappointed.

"Well whadidyouexpectmetado? You had me so worried Finny bear." She said with a wide grin, tripping forward and leaning into his chest with a sigh.

"Are you, Finn Hudson, aware that you smell like a cloud?"

Finn let out a sigh of his own and picked her up for the second time that night- this time like she was a baby.

"Rachel you have _got_ to stop doing this to me. You're going to kill me one day." He said as he set her down on the couch.

"I really am sorry Finn, It's just that I got to thinking, and then I got to _drinkin'_." She said with a giggle.

Finn knew he should probably be playing the part of the caring but firm authority figure right now, but he couldn't help it, drunk Rachel wasa sight to see. Finn laughed pitifully along with her.

"I'm sorry Rachel, but you can't go home like this, you have to stay here until you sober up a bit. You didn't drive here did you?" He said, suddenly very concerned.

"No silly! I left my car at your house remembers? I put my bottle in a- in a- paper bag and walked down the street. Homeless man style!" Rachel giggled some more.

"Well as hot as _that_ sounds, you probably alerted the whole neighborhood to your underage drinking habits by now. Why did you come here anyways?"

"It's not a habit, Finny bear! I just wanted to see you, and I kinda sorta forgot you weren't here. So I hung out in your room! Hey- why did you come back so quickly?"

"I'll tell you when you're sober, Rach. Let me get you some hot coffee and we can watch a movie or something until your curfew. And then I should probably see to the damage in my room." Finn said, getting up to go to the kitchen.

"If I wanted something hot I would have asked for it." Rachel said as lasciviously as she could while still drunk. She reached for him before he had fully stood up, pulling him back down.

"Rachel, seriously what are you doing?" He said while laughing nervously, removing her groping hands from his neck.

"You." She howled at her own hilariousness and Finn just cocked an eyebrow.

Rachel calmed down after a second and put a very serious look on her face.

"I need you, Finn." She cupped his cheek like he had done earlier and leaned in.

Finn's world stopped.

Here was this beautiful girl telling him that she needed him, it was all he had been wanting. Her fragrance was wafting up to his nose, boy they were really close. Maybe it was all in his head but he could swear that her scent was making him high. It wasn't just her scent though, it was everything about her.

It was those full, pouty lips that were getting closer by the millisecond.

It was her big chocolate eyes.

It was her soft and glowy skin.

It was her smooth, long hair that flowed a little bit behind her when she ran up to hug him.

He couldn't help it, he had to run his hand through it while they were this close.

Finn's world started up again.

He didn't know how he did it, he felt like he was more intoxicated than Rachel.

"Rachel, stop."

Her eyes snapped open, their faces were centimeters apart.

"You don't like me anymore. I knew it." Rachel pouted, her eyes already shiny.

"No Rachel, I _really_ do like you. More than I even have words to say. But look Rachel- _look_ at me."

He tilted her head up and wiped the tears streaming from her eyes.

"I don't want it to happen like this. I want to give you some time and I want you to be able to _remember _it. You haven't even broken up with Zach and- I mean that is if you _want_ to break up with him. By all means you don't have to I was just _assuming_. I mean I haven't really told you what happened but I suppose that conversation should really happen when you're sober."

Rachel just gave him a blank stare before she curled up on his lap and fell quickly to sleep.

Finn just laughed quietly to himself and kissed her on the top of her head.


	9. Hand in Hand

**A/N: WOW, some of you must have been getting the word out because my views ****_jumped_**** yesterday! I have very few things to get excited about (except for Cory Monteith's sexiness) and this is huge for me. Thank you and please keep reviewing, I live for your feedback :)**

Finn's eyes fluttered open and closed, drifting back and forth out of sleep. He couldn't tell separate his dreams from reality, and it was the most amazing feeling ever. He awoke to find her in a new position every time, but always in his arms.

He drowsily kissed her face one more time and shifted to a more comfortable spot.

He looked down at his watch out of habit just as he heard his mother's car drive in.

_Crap._ Where did the time go? Finn had said that his Mom was coming home in two hours, one of which was spent driving to the bar and back, had they really been asleep for an hour and a half? Thank God she had the late shift tonight or she would have walked in on a very unexplainable situation. He loved his mom, but Finn had had very few girlfriends during his high school career and she wasn't very good around _any_ of them.

Finn gently lifted himself and Rachel up off the couch and padded quietly but quickly up the stairs, reaching his room just as his mom walked in the door.

"Finn I _told_ you I hate it when you park like that, I don't _care _if you were late for an x-box live tournament!" His mom yelled from below.

Finn gently lowered Rachel onto his bed- he was actually glad she wasn't awake to see his Transformer sheets. She mumbled a little in her sleep but he assumed she was probably going to be sleeping the alcohol off for a little while more. How was she was beautiful even when she was half-drunk and drooling in her sleep?

"Finn? Are you home?" His mom yelled sharply. He snapped out of his reverie and reluctantly padded back down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Nice to see you too, Mom." He smirked.

"Oh there you are Finn, how was your day?" She said while getting some things out of the kitchen cabinets.

"Um… it was interesting." Finn said honestly, before he could catch himself.

"Why's that?" She questioned.

"Oh, nothing. Look, mom I'm just going to go get some milk in a sec, I'll be back really soon." Finn said, walking out of the kitchen door.

"Finn, sweetie, I just got some the other day, though. And besides, it's late." She yelled through the door.

"Then I'll just go for a drive, or get some soda or something."

"But I just got home, Finn! Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry mom I promise I'll be back in ten minutes."

His mother just shook her head quietly to herself and got busy making a late dinner.

Finn fished for his keys in his pocket and waited until he heard his mom busy making food until he ran upstairs to get Rachel. This was way past the acceptable number of time to carry someone like this in a day, but he really didn't mind _at all._

She mumbled some more in her sleep and put her arms around Finn's neck, snuggling closer to him. She was so perfect and tiny and weightless. Finn would be perfectly content doing this for the rest of his life.

He snuck back downstairs, making sure his mom couldn't see what he was doing, and picked up a faster pace when he made it outside.

Phew. One less weird event to explain. How on earth did he get in these situations?

Finn placed her down gently in the bucket seat of his truck. She might have been asleep but she made it clear that she was definitely unhappy being away from his strong arms and his warmth. He walked around the other side of the truck and got in.

He waited until they were almost half way to her house before he reached over and shook her.

"Rach? Hey, Rach you gotta wake up."

She only mumbled in response.

"I know sweetie, your head probably hurts but you really have to get up. I'm taking you home, alright? Your dads told me to have you home by your curfew, and that ended five minutes ago. "

"It hurts so bad." She replied, rubbing her eyes. Finn wordlessly handed her a bottle of water. "Oh, sweet mother of Mary, what did I do?" she groaned while chugging down the water, too hung over to care about her Jewish heritage.

"I don't understand, I only had two drinks." Rachel continued moaning.

"Do you- I mean… do you remember?" Finn said cautiously.

"_Remember?_ I'm pretty sure I'm still drunk. I am so sorry, Finn. I shouldn't have made it so hard for you." Rachel said, unable to look at him.

"So… I guess that answers my question." Finn said with a sigh.

"Only in bits and pieces. Thank you _so much_ for not taking advantage of me. I was being so, _so_ stupid. I am so completely sorry." Rachel said, shaking her head and then stopping suddenly, it hurt that bad.

"I don't blame you Rachel, you've been through a lot, you just needed to relax." Finn shrugged.

"No Finn you don't get it, I do- I really- I don't know. I like you Finn!" Rachel finally looked at him.

Finn grinned, taking his eyes off the road for a moment to look at her.

"I know."

Rachel just smiled back and took his free hand.

"But look, Rach, there's something I need to tell you." Finn bit his lip.

"About what happened? I was wondering about that." Rachel looked at him expectantly.

"Yeah, um, Rach?"

"What is it?" She looked worried.

"Zach got arrested," He started slowly, but sped up when he saw the look on her face, "I _think. _I mean I went to the bar, and there were cops everywhere, and I asked one of the cops and he said it had to do with Zach. So- I don't really know what happened. I left after that." Finn finished, relieved that he had finally gotten it out.

Finn waited for an answer and was nonplussed to look over and see Rachel completely calm.

"To be honest I don't even care anymore," She finally said, much to Finn's surprise, "after all he has put me through this doesn't really shock me. I'm just glad you didn't go in there and get hurt." She squeezed Finn's hand. "But I am going to have to say something to him, and if that's through the prison bars of his cell then all the better for me because he won't be able to touch me."

Finn slowed down as he pulled up to Rachel's house. He squeezed her hand back and turned to face her. "I won't _ever_ let him hurt you again. _Ever._ Do you hear me?" Rachel nodded. Finn looked deep into her eyes and took her other hand. "You matter way too much and I am _tired_ of him making you think you're garbage and you believing it. You're not garbage Rachel Berry, you are amazing, you are a shining star sent from above to make this world a better place. And if you let me share this world with you for even just a little bit, then you will be making me the luckiest and happiest guy on the face of it." Finn looked like he was about to burst out laughing and start crying at the same time.

Rachel was so completely stunned by the statement he had just made. She couldn't even talk, and she felt like a goldfish opening and closing her mouth.

"Don't say anything Rachel, it's too soon. I want you to think about it. Now I gotta get you in there, you're a little late."

They took the walk up to her house slowly, hand in hand, and everything ran through their minds all at once.

Like how to make her parents not notice Rachel was a tad bit tipsy.


	10. Not Sorry

**A/N: Just a short update. **_**Big **_**things planned for the next chapter! Read/review/enjoy!**

"Is that you, Rachel darling?" One of her dad's called from the living room, over the soundtrack of _Beaches_.

"Yeah, it's us Mr. Berry's. I was just dropping Rachel off." Finn cut in, not wanting her parents to hear Rachel like this.

"Alright, Rachel sweetie, we'll be up in a while to bring you your nightly tea." They added.

"Thanks!" Rachel managed in her normalest voice, halfway up the stairs with Finn. They had done it!

"Oh, and Rachel, please don't be late again." her other dad added just as they made it up to the top. _Darn._

They both entered Rachel's room and Finn swept her off her feet, causing her to giggle in surprise.

"Finn what are you doing?" she yelped.

"I'm tucking you in." he grinned like a kid as he placed her on the bed and did just that. When he was done he let out a sigh, "Well I better go Rach."

"Wait!" she exclaimed, grabbing his hand. She patted the bed next to her, "Sing to me."

"Sing? Rachel I don't even know if I can sing." He said, unsure.

She put on her best puppy dog face and he caved, taking his jacket off and laying down next to her, on top of the blanket.

"But only because you pulled that puppy dog crap on me, and you better not tell anybody about this. I'm only going to sing a _little_. What do you want me to sing?" Finn poked at her jokingly.

"Anything." She grinned mischievously, dodging his jabs.

Finn nervously played with his hands, thinking deeply before mumbling out the first few phrases.

_The birds they sang_

_The break of day_

_Start again I hear them say_

_It's so hard to just walk away_

"Louder! You're good. And I love Coldplay." Rachel giggled.

Finn smiled at her before he bit his lip and continued, louder.

_The birds they sang_

_All a choir_

_Start again a little higher_

_It's a spark in a sea of grey_

_The sky is blue_

_Dreamed that lie til it's true_

_Then taking back the punch I threw_

_My arms turn wings_

_Oh those clumsy things_

_Send me up to that wonderful world_

_And then I'm up with the birds  
_

He finished and opened his eyes; he hadn't even realized they had been closed.

Rachel was laying sideways on her pillow, staring at him in wonder.

"That was _amazing_, Finn."

"Really? I never really tried before. I mean besides in my shower."

"You're really _good_; you should consider joining Glee club."

"Yeah, no thanks." Finn said, rolling his eyes.

"What? Us Glee kids aren't that bad!"

Finn laughed, "I know that Rachel, you're all the evidence I need." He smiled at her.

"Well all flirtatiousness aside, Finn Hudson, why don't you want to join Glee?" Rachel sat up on her elbow, genuinely interested.

"To be honest- I kind of get enough crap from the football guys as it is, I don't want to go _asking_ for trouble. I kind of already did that with you."

Rachel turned her mouth in a thoughtful pout, "You know, we're always so busy dealing with my problems that we never take time to examine yours. Every time you're over here we only talk about _me_, and you listen to _me_ complain. I think it's your turn."

"That's really, _really_ sweet of you, Rach, but I did tell my mom I would be back soon. I'm sorry, but I don't want her worrying."

Rachel put on her pout face again, "Alright. But we're going to continue this conversation later, alright?"

"Sure thing, Rach, and you know what? Just for you, one last verse."

Rachel did her fists in a little "yay" gesture and settled into her sheets. Finn cleared his throat and continued softly.

_Might have to go, where they don't know my name_

_float all over the world just to see her again_

_but I won't show or feel any pain_

_even though all my armor might rust in the rain  
_

_A simple plot_

_But I know one day_

_Good things are coming our way__  
_

Finn looked over to see Rachel's eyes shut, she was clutching the pillow and her hair was splayed out across it; he was pretty sure it was the most gorgeous thing he had ever seen. He quietly got off the bed, but turned around startled when he heard her spoke.

"G'night Finn bear, I'm sorry I tried to kiss you." She slurred out, eyes still closed.

Finn lingered at her door for a moment before he replied, "I'm not."

Whether she had heard him or not was evidenced only by the small smile on her lips.


	11. Fears

**A/N: This one took me two days because I wanted to get it right! :D**

**I'm ****_really _****sorry but I'm not going to be able to update until Sunday/Monday because I live in Africa and I'm going to the village- obviously there's no internet there (I'm an American though- I'm moving back once I graduate high school). I hope this bit fat chapter will keep you until I can write again!**

**Also, will anyone mind if I just say a big huge thank you to Madisynn once again?! I don't know ****_who_**** you are but you are flipping amazing. And also her friend Evan. Thanks so much for the love. **

Rachel's dad's came up with her nightly tea as promised, only to find her fast asleep. They were surprised at the wide smile on her lips, a genuine smile that had become quite a rarity these days. They stood in her doorway and looked on, proud._ If only they knew exactly what she was going through. And they would. _

* * *

"Yo, Hudson!"

Finn turned around to see his friend Puckerman from the football team; he used the term "friend" loosely.

"Hey, Puck." He replied as Puck strode up cockily to Finn's locker.

"Heard you were askin' around about Zach, huh? Word from my juvie brothers is that he's doing hard time." Puck stuck his hands in his pockets and looked around.

"Really? What was he doing?" Finn questioned, not wanting to cause trouble and admit he had been there that night.

"He got really trashed and drove his car into the bar; hit the ATM so they're saying he wanted to steal the cash or somethin'. They also got him for underage drinking and some other stuff. If you ask me, he's screwed. I don't think he's getting out of there anytime soon. And trust me, it is not pretty in there, I know." Puck wiped his nose on his sleeve and gave Finn a serious nod.

"Thanks Puck, I was just curious. Didn't see him around." Finn said dismissively and turned back to his locker.

"What, you think I'm a dummy, Hud? I seen you around with his girl, and just a word of advice, if he finds out, he's going to _flip_. Just thought I should let you know." Puck finished with a sarcastic grin, slapped him on the back, and scrambled off down the hallway.

Finn let out a huge sigh, ran his fingers through his hair, and proceeded to kick his locker door shut before turning around and sliding down it to the floor

* * *

Rachel awoke to the sun streaming through her window, and she couldn't have been happier about it. She stretched her hands up wide and looked at the time- it was right before her alarm was to go off. She just might have been the happiest person to ever wake up naturally on a_ Monday_. Her two-drink hangover had disappeared somewhere in the middle of the night, and her head was clear with visions of her savior, Finn Hudson.

Rachel finished her morning workout and shower ritual before heading downstairs, smiling the whole way.

Her dad's were waiting for her at the breakfast table when she got down there, they looked worried.

"Good morning sunshine! You must have slept well last night. Doesn't have anything to do with that Finn boy, does it sweety?" Hiram asked.

"Ohh, I don't know daddy." She stated simply, the answer as clear as the smile on her face.

"We certainly wouldn't mind a _new_ and _different_ boy in your life at this point sweetie; we have some news for you." Leroy butted in.

"What is it dad?" Rachel started to look concerned in response to the concerned looks on both of her dad's faces.

Hiram started, stumbling, "Look sweetie, we really don't want to ruin your good mood, but I mean you're sitting down already and we already told you there's news, and I suppose you would find out sooner or later and-"

"Zach's in big trouble." Leroy helped him out, a very serious look taking over his face.

This must be _way _serious than she had thought, maybe she should have been worried about him. She should never have mentioned Finn to Zach, it was the whole reason he got drunk and got in trouble in the first place. It was all her fault, it was all-

_ Wait a minute, that's idiotic! Those are Zach's words, not mine! You're smarter than that Rachel Berry! _

Rachel shook her head clear just in time to hear her dad's speech continue, "…and his mother made sure to call us this morning. She wasn't sure if we should tell you or not but we thought you should know. Sweetie, last night Zach went into a bar with a fake ID and he caused a lot of trouble. They're charging him with underage drinking, owning a fake ID, driving under the influence, reckless endangerment, intent to steal; a whole mess of stuff. Rachel, honey, that's a lot of charges. We're not sure how long he's going to be in prison but he is definitely going to be in there for a while."Rachel's dad finished with a look so serious that it scared her.

But the fear didn't keep her hardhearted demeanor towards Zach from creeping up to her face.

He is _definitely_ going to be in there for a long time, he said. Enough time for Rachel to forget what he had done? The endless nights of crying, and long sleeved shirts to cover the bruises. The hats and the foundation. She had to talk to him. She had to give him one last piece of her mind before she rode off into the sunlight with her Finn.

_Her_ Finn? Her Finn.

"Rachel? Rachel honey, are you alright?"

Rachel checked herself; she brought her hand up to her face to feel the relieved smile on her lips. She had to cut that out before her parents thought she had gone psycho.

"Dad's, I'm fine! _Really._ I love you both so much! Look, here's the plan-" Rachel Berry _always_ had a plan. This was the Rachel she had wanted back, she had found herself again. She could _feel _the dedication pumping through her veins. "-I'm going to school, and I'm going to be okay- _really_ daddy's trust me. I'm going to come home and we'll plan a visit to him in juvie. I have a few things I need to say- and _yes _I'm sure about this. You know there's no point convincing me otherwise when I want something. Then, when we get home from whenever that is I have something I've been meaning to tell you." Rachel finished her run-on sentence with a deep breath- and added as an afterthought, "And I'm going to want Finn there for all of this."

Rachel's parents sat and stared up at Rachel- who had stood up during her rant-in surprise. They both looked at each other and nodded before looking up at Rachel, a little speechless, "Alright." They both said.

They knew better, there was _no_ stopping Rachel Barbra Berry.

* * *

Rachel marched through the school hallways towards Finn with the same enthusiasm she had marched out of the house with.

He should be glad to see her, so why was he shoving his hands through his hair, sitting against his locker and banging his head back onto it every few seconds?

She skipped up to him with hands behind her back and twirled around before taking her seat next to him on the hallway floor. She gave him a peck on the cheek to soothe his discouraged looks; and it worked, a little.

"He's gonna kill me." Finn moaned, banging his head on the locker once more.

"Is that what you're looking so down about?" Rachel said with her bubbly giggle, the kind Finn hadn't heard in a while.

Finn felt a rush of emotion; he never expected to get this girl- _this amazing girl_, to feel this way. He also didn't want to get his face punched in. He stretched his arms sideways across her tiny frame and buried his head in her neck.

Rachel ran her fingers through the hair at his neck. She took on a more serious tone, "Hey, Finn, everything is going to be fine, he can't hurt either one of us where he is now."

Finn jerked up from her, taking her face in his hands, "You are so right Rach, I'm being so selfish, here I am only thinking about myself and I'm not even thinking about what you're feeling. Are you okay Rach?" Finn said sweetly.

Rachel was taken aback, it was going to take some getting used to Finn's genuine concern and care for her, but it would never get old.

"Finn you're _far_ from being selfish. If anything _I'm_ being selfish. I know what they used to do to you, bullying is really serious. We never did finish that conversation we started. I'm not the only one that's hurting here."

"I just want _you_ to be okay." Finn said, honestly.

"Oh, Finn, I'm fine! _Really. _I don't think I knew it yet, but I was over him when I yelled at you in that classroom. You made me feel so empowered, and I didn't know what to do with it and I should have been yelling at Zach, not you. You're always trying to let me know how much I matter, but you matter too, you know. " Rachel smiled, moving closer to Finn. They were both leaning their heads against the lockers, facing each other. Finn smiled back.

"Finn?" She whispered.

"Yeah?" he replied, his voice breaking, but in that cute way Rachel loved.

"I regret not having said it before- and thank you so much for giving me time. You're a real gentleman. And, well, Finn-"

"Not yet." He had put two fingers up to her lips. He could hear both of their hearts pounding.

"What?" Rachel pouted, hating having her spotlight stolen.

Finn started to get up, reaching for Rachel's hand as the bell rang, "Just wait." He grinned mischievously, knowing that Rachel was hating this.

They held hands as they walked down the hallway to class, he would never get used to this; it was too special.

* * *

Back at home, Rachel's dads were arranging a visitation with Zach. They had always been a bit suspicious of the boy, but were genuinely surprised at what he had done. They only hoped that Finn would be better for her, and so far he seemed to be. They had never seen her happier. The only thing they had to worry about now was what exactly this news was that Rachel had for them.

* * *

"Psst. Finn." Rachel kicked at him from her seat next to his. He gave her a serious mad look and she was scared until she realized he was kidding. She kicked him harder as she threw a note onto his desk.

_"Hey, I sort of mentioned it earlier, but I want to visit Zach. I need to do this, for me. I don't want to go with my dad's because there's some things I want to say. I really hate asking you this after all you've done but- will you go with me? Please? *Puppy dog face*"_

Finn threw the note at her face a minute later. She threw him a "Scary Rachel Berry" face, or so he called it.

_"Well… if you're going to give me the puppy dog face over it I suppose_ _I'll _have_ to go. Just kidding, you remember that time I said I would do anything for you? _I mean that_." _

Rachel bit her lip and shot him her most grateful look. She knew it was good, she practiced. Rachel tossed the note back onto his desk.

_"Does that mean you'll give me a back rub later?"_

Finn just rolled his eyes and went back to listening to the teacher.

* * *

"Daddy's, I'm home! Finn's here, he gave me a ride!" Rachel yelled excitedly as she burst through the door.

"Oh, that's great sweetie, how was your day?" one yelled back from the kitchen, "Hey, Finn!" Another one yelled.

Both dad's were a swirl of activity as they entered the kitchen, they were cooking up some new concoction. Rachel knew what this meant, they had big news.

"Uh, hey dad's… whats goin' on?" She said suspiciously.

They ignored her, "You know, Finn it's really good that you came, we were just about to have a little lunch slash supper… a lupper?" Both dads laughed in the way that dads do.

"Uh, thanks Mr. Berry's…" Finn looked at Rachel and she shrugged dismissively, "I'd love to have- lupper with you." Finn laughed along with them.

Rachel rolled her eyes and walked over to taste what they were brewing up.

"I know what you guys are doing- I'm just waiting for you to tell me what's going on." She said with her back turned.

Both dad's looked nervously at each other. Leroy spoke up first, "Rachel we went ahead and schedules that visitation… for today."

Rachel turned around, totally surprised, "_Today?_". Her mouth hung open and Finn could tell she was about to be _furious._

"Rachel- wait." Her dad came over to comfort her but she pushed him off. "This was one of the only days we could get in there; we had to pull a lot of favors to get it in the first place. We thought you might just want to get it over with, we're sorry this is coming so soon but you will feel so much better when it's done."

Rachel was shaking. Her parents looked very confused and distressed- what had they done that was so wrong? Finn walked over and took Rachel's shoulders and guided her towards the kitchen door. Her dad's gave him a nod in appreciation and he nodded back. He took her hand and pulled her up to her room.

He held her while she sobbed. She was scared; he understood. Jail was a scary place, and so were the people in it. Rachel hadn't even seen him since he had shoved her and left that still healing bruise on her shoulder. Finn rubbed his thumb over it as he picked her up and placed her down on the bed. Rachel pulled him down next to her by his shirt and sobbed into it.

"I shouldn't be crying over this, he's put me through enough, he doesn't _deserve_ this." Rachel choked out.

"Rachel, it's okay if you're scared. I'll be right there with you. Everything's going to be fine." He whispered.

But it was only a hope, and hope is often unfounded.


	12. Needs

**A/N: Sorry the update took so long! Tried yesterday but no internet :/ thank you all! **

The hum of the car was deafening in the silence.

Finn reached over to squeeze Rachel's hand, she pulled away.

Finn tightened his grip on the steering wheel and blew out a loud sigh.

"Rachel?"

She was staring straight ahead, puffy eyes unflinching.

"Rach? Sweetie you're scaring me." Finn began to pull the car over before Rachel snapped her hand up and pulled the wheel back up.

Finn freaked and swerved to avoid a car, "Rachel!" he yelled shrilly.

"I'm sorry!" She yelled back. "Just keep going, _please_."

"Rachel, please talk to me, you're really worrying me." Finn begged.

After Rachel had finished crying in Finn's arms, she straightened herself out, got up, and proceeded to block the world out. She marched down the stairs to the car and demanded to go. Finn had a wordless conversation with her dad's before they took off; they gave him the, "Be careful with our daughter," eyebrow and he just nodded back.

But she was speaking now, "I just want to get this over with. I want this done; I need him out of my life." She said, Finn could hear the lump in her throat.

They pulled up to a red light and Finn used the opportunity to give her a quick kiss on the forehead.

She gave him a surprised smile and let it fade, "I'm sorry, I should be thinking about you too. I mean, you're going to _jail _with me. To see my _ex-boyfriend_. Well soon-to-be ex. I mean… geez, Finn. I didn't even think about how amazing you're being. Thank you _so_ much."

Finn smiled back, "_You're_ amazing. You're being so strong and I really admire that." He said as they continued driving. She was silent and he looked over at her, "Did I mention that you're beautiful, Rachel?" he grinned out.

"I don't think I'm any of those things to be honest; I mean, I _was_ just crying for forty-five minutes. And… well, do you really think I'm beautiful?" Rachel said hesitantly.

"Of _course_ I do!" Finn's voice broke and Rachel knew he was telling the honest-to-God truth. She loved that she could tell when he was being honest, not like Zach. Zach was a liar and it was going to take some doing to un-beleive all of the lies he had convinced her to believe.

"Rachel you are the bravest person I know." Finn squeezed her shoulder.

There it was, such a startling contrast.

* * *

It was only county jail. Zach wouldn't be transferred until later that week, but he was definitely going away.

Rachel's mind was a blank slate as she emptied her pockets into a tray. Finn followed closely behind her through the metal detector. A phone rang somewhere within the police station, but altogether It was pretty quiet for four in the afternoon. So much silence- too much. Rachel needed to things to start happening in her life and she needed them now.

She had prepared a whole speech in advanced and now it was just gone. It had vanished along with her confidence as soon as she had stepped through the door.

She obediently followed a police officer to a bare room with a table and chairs and half listened to his instructions. She could see Zach on the inside with a blue jumper and a police officer, and she didn't even know what to feel about it. She had a thought that maybe she was supposed to be afraid, but she didn't feel anything. It scared her a little, but maybe it was a good thing.

Finn placed a hand on her shoulder as they both looked through the one sided window. "Do you want me to go in with you?"

Rachel couldn't decide. "I think I need to do this on my own, I have to be my own confidence now."

Finn gave a knowing smile, "I'm really glad you can see how truly amazing you are. Don't forget that in there." He gave her a huge bear hug. "I'll be outside if you need me. Please be careful in there, I guess it's a good thing I'm not going; he would just get mad." He whispered against her ear as he sized up the police officer inside.

She stood back, squared her shoulders, and smiled at him before turning to the door, giving the officer a nod to show that she was ready.

* * *

Finn had been sitting outside and waiting patiently for maybe ten minutes. Rachel had gone in, and he could tell that she was yelling a little and he was pleading with her. Zach was probably pretty unused to this different, confident Rachel. Finn was proud of himself for that. Zach had this hurt look on his face, he must feel powerless not having Rachel in the palm of his hand. That same hand that he had used to hurt her. Finn felt the anger coming on and pushed it away with thought of her. He closed his eyes and thought of when she could finally be completely his.

He had wanted to kiss her so bad. He needed it. It was taking so much self control. Finn wanted to get closer to her, but he also didn't want to move in on a girl who hadn't even broken up with her boyfriend yet. It would be way too soon. He also didn't want her to think it was a physical relationship. He wanted to show her that he could be a gentleman; something she had probably never encountered before. They needed each other. They were each other's strength in a time when they were both hurting.

He had to tell her eventually. She had divulged her deepest fears and darkest memories to him and the moment she had asked him to open up he fled. He had never felt more connected to anyone, and he could beat himself up all day for how amazingly wussy that sounded but he didn't really care. He was done hurting himself. She was his world now.

He opened his eyes to check on her only to see her knocked out of the chair.

What happened next didn't quite register from his eyes to his brain, but he knew one thing. His world had stopped spinning.


	13. Liars in Tears

**A/N: Thank you to the thoughtful person who reviewed with simply, "more chapters." I appreciate your effort in giving me feedback and hope this chapter can satisfy your needs XD**

**In all seriousness though, I love you guys. YOU. I love YOU.**

"You're a liar." She said quietly but firmly as soon as the door had hissed shut. She hadn't even sat down yet.

Zach's jaw hung slack. "What?"

Rachel sat quiet and let a minute or two pass while she thought.

Zach just gave her small pleading glances and waited.

"You have lied and lied to me and I'm not going to take it anymore." Rachel stated plainly.

"Rachel, baby, I'm really sorry, but it's not _my_ fault. You know that I love you." He whined.

"I know you want me to feel bad for you but I really don't. Look at yourself; you've just ruined your own future and you're still not taking responsibility! Even now you're just sitting there lying to me- look at yourself, Zach, you're _pitiful_." She spat her words out like they were poison, and they were.

His mouth stayed open. Where was all of this coming from? What happened to the Rachel that he had wrapped around his little finger?

The cop inside the room knew that he probably should have told her to calm down, but he was having the hardest time containing his smirk.

"You have to knock around people who are smaller than you because you think that if everyone is afraid of you they'll be too scared to see how insecure you are. You know what that makes you, Zach? That makes you a coward, and I deserve way better than that." She narrowed her eyes at him and leaned forward.

Zach stuttered and came up with just, "but- baby!".

"Don't you _dare_ 'baby' me! I don't believe you anymore; you could pound your lies into my head before but I know better now. I know that you're _not_ sorry, I know that you _will_ do it again, and I know that you _never_ loved me." Rachel had the most ironic smile on her face; she had never felt so confident.

"You can't come here and say that stuff about me, I didn't even do what they said I did! You're just a hypocritical little skank." He smiled back wickedly, feeling proud that he had succeeded in firing one back.

The cop in the corner called him out for it and he settled back down in his seat.

Rachel leaned back and laughed to herself. "You're right. Maybe I _am_ just stooping to your level by getting angry about this. But at least I have the security to admit that out in the open. Really, you just sound pathetic. I don't know why I ever believed you." She paused to shake her head. "Look, the only reason I came here was to tell you that I'm done crying over you. I thought you at least deserved to know _that_. I'm done letting you feel powerful. I'm not letting you hurt me anymore; you don't even deserve my tears." She said bitterly.

Zach was struggling for words, she could tell he was about to pull out his old standby- fake crying. "But babe it's _really_ not my fault that I hurt you. You just know how to make me so upset. I'll work on it I _promise_. We can still be together." He sniffled.

Rachel rolled her eyes. Zach must be getting pretty desperate. "Really?" she said bluntly.

"Look, if you're worried I'm going to tell or something- don't. I'm only concerned with moving forward now." Rachel said honestly.

"Baby you can't leave me. I'll _die_ without you. _Please_." He was practically on his knees.

Rachel didn't ever think she would be in this position. She used to think that he hung the moon, that it was truly her fault for making him act out. But here she was towering above his pitiful form. Finn had gently shown her how much she mattered and she never felt more right. Even being in the same room with Zach just felt wrong now.

"I came here for one reason- I needed to tell you that we're through and I'm done arguing about it. And you know, it probably wasn't your _intention_ to rob the ATM- but since you're not going to jail for what you did to me, you deserve the time for it anyways. "

Zach stood up for a second, a fire in his eyes, before the cop shot him a look that made him think twice. He sat down and tried to calm himself down- but only because he was forced to.

"You take that back. I never did _anything_ to you that you didn't have coming." He violently thrust a finger at her.

"That's where you're _wrong_ Zach. _I matter_. Anything you may have done is your responsibility, not mine."

Zach clenched his jaw and looked around, "Whose filling your head with this crap?"

"You are the only one who has ever filled my head with crap. Finn is the one who showed me the truth." She said with a smile, looking out the mirror she knew he was on the other side of.

She was happy for a second before everything slowed down and got different.

In one moment, Zach was sitting there, absolutely fuming.

In the next moment he was letting the fire in his eyes consume him.

He had had the last straw. He snapped. He lunged forward at her, reaching her from across the table. His weight threw her from the chair and he pinned her to the ground-using his handcuffs to choke her. The cop panicked and pulled a gun on him while trying to pull him off of her. Zach only pushed down harder, screaming every profanity he could remember in his out of control state. Everything got loud and chaotic: Rachel's panicked sobs, the cop yelling for help, and everyone outside yelling over each other. The noise was pushed over the edge with Finn's cries for Rachel.

Rachel tried to scream but it wouldn't come. It hurt so much. The cuffs weren't quite long enough to cover her entire neck, but they were short enough to stab into her and cut off enough breathe for it to seem worse than if she couldn't breathe at all. Her head was pounding. Colors swam through her vision. Everything was happening so fast but it was so slowed down. Everything was swirling. _Cop couldn't pull him off of her. Zach too mad and strong. People rush in but where's Finn?_ _I matter._ _Blackness._

* * *

The ambulance had arrived.

Finn had wanted to rush in and save her, his days of watching her from the back of the classroom were finally over- but he never got the chance. He wasn't a coward, he wanted to run right in but they pushed him back. He resisted for the sole reason that it wouldn't help Rachel if he got angry, he would just be in the way.

His let need for Rachel overpower his anger towards Zach.

She was so small, and so fragile. It was like when he saw her all curled up against the lockers that day he had given Zach what he deserved. But this was worse. So much worse. He just hoped he hadn't wounded her spirit as well.

They wouldn't let him inside the room- and it was breaking his heart. He didn't know how she was, and Finn was pretty sure he had died in the near ten minutes it took them to pull Zach away and get some help to Rachel.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and held the door that the EMT's were trying to push shut and climbed in. They didn't lecture him anymore; they had probably dealt with this kind of thing before. They just kept quiet and checked the monitors and tended to Rachel while Finn held her head and whispered to her.

He was at her head, stroking her hair and crying quietly into it. She hadn't woken up. _Oh God I hope she wakes up._

There was blood, proof that even his angel could was mortal.

He couldn't even think about that _monster _right now_._

He could only hold her, and wish he could have known, wish he could have done something.

Wish he could have convinced her not to go. But there is no convincing Rachel Berry.

He had read once that you could die from a broken heart.

Wish he could see her warm smile.

Wish for her.

_Rachel, be okay. Rachel. Please baby, be okay. I need you. I need you so much. You need me. Rachel._

_I told you everything would be okay._

_Am I a liar?_

_Rachel?_


	14. Far From Normal

**A/N: So you've probably noticed that it's getting pretty hard for me to do a chapter a day. But I will definitely try to have one up at least every other day. Thanks again for reading and I hope you don't mind so much angstyness, because I love it! :D Please review because I want to know what to improve on! I appreciate all your thoughts**

**Also you can follow me on twitter at MsSarah_Rose :D**

She stretched and rolled over on the bed to see Finn's smiling face already peering back at her. Her yawn was the cutest thing ever. He reached out to grab her hand, bringing it up to his face to brush her knuckles with a sweet kiss. He could never get enough of her skin. Her smooth skin that smelled occasionally of coconuts. He stroked her skin up to her neck, running his fingers over the remnants of the scars before he cupped her cheek. Both of their emotions ran high and she wrapped herself in his arms and kissed him passionately, running her hands through the little hairs at the back of his neck. They pulled away from each other, "Good morning to you too, Rach." She loved it when he called her that. Finn pulled her closer to his warm chest and held her. He just held her, and they both knew the world was going to be okay if they had each other.

The first thing she said to him in the morning was said in a harsh gravelly whisper. He wasn't even sure if he had heard her right.

"I had a dream about you."

* * *

They had gotten to the hospital and everything was a flurry of activity. He had immediately jumped out of the way as they rushed to wheel Rachel's still body into the hospital. He didn't know what to do or where she was, so he just sat on the curb, crying. He was shaking, but he didn't care what strangers thought, or about how emasculating this was. He only cared about her.

This girl had made him cry more tears than he ever had in his life, but he only felt that it brought them closer together. He felt so strongly about her, she was going to be the death of him if he didn't stop worrying about her.

But he had to worry now. The very thought of what had just happened twisted his stomach until he jumped up off the curb and decided to do something to take his mind off of it. He walked through the sliding glass doors of the emergency room and began to search for her. The nurses at the front desk were pretty busy, but when he finally got a word in with them they told him that she was awake and going through some tests. He wanted to ask if she was in any pain- but he knew the answer and didn't want to hear it out loud.

He sat down on one of the hard chairs against the wall. It was beige and it made him sick just like everything else in this hospital. It only reminded him of the days when he used to come here. He glanced over at the magazines but was too distracted to even pick one up. He just sat there. He cried on and off, but this time silently to himself. He didn't know how long it had been- it could have been minutes or hours the way that everything was just blending together.

He jerked his head up- he hadn't even realized he was asleep. But judging by the dark atmosphere outside the windows it couldn't have been for long. He noticed an older doctor chatting quietly with the nurses before one of them pointed at him. He stood up and walked towards the doctor with purpose.

"Finn Hudson?" the doctor said as they met each other halfway in the corridor.

"Yes?" he answered nervously.

"So you're the one who rode in the Ambulance with her. We need some information; we had your signature on one of the forms and hoped you would still be around."

"Yeah, yeah, of course, whatever I can do to help her. I'm not leaving until I know she's okay."

Finn didn't like the way the doctor looked at the ground when he finished his last sentence.

"Alright, let's take this somewhere more private." The doctor led him to a small office and handed him some paper work. Finn looked it over and realized that the few details they knew about her were given by him in the ambulance. He knew they didn't normally let non-family members fill out paper work or even see the patient. They were probably desperate for information and had to come to him.

"So, how come you couldn't get this stuff from her?" Finn questioned while filling out some very basic information on Rachel.

"Look, Mr. Hudson, I'm not exactly sure what your relationship is with Ms. Berry." The doctor said uneasily.

"I'm her-" Finn paused to think about what he was saying, but not for too long. "I'm her boyfriend. I really care about her and her parents probably won't be able to get here for a while, so she needs someone with her right now, she just went through something very traumatic and I need to be there for her. At least just tell me if she's okay!" Finn spoke up and he could feel his eyes getting wet.

"It's alright son, I completely agree with you. We don't have details about what happened to Ms. Berry but whatever it was-" the doctor caught himself and just shook his head. "You can see her after you finish here."

"But why couldn't she do this herself? The nurses told me that she was up. I mean- please just tell me if she's okay." Finn pleaded. He could tell the doctor had been avoiding the question.

"Alright, look, Mr. Hudson, strangulation is a very serious thing. The nurses were right, she _is_ awake, but there can be some very serious side effects to the cutoff of blood and oxygen to the brain. Especially in such a prolonged manner as is obvious in her case. We're very lucky that there was no damage to her brain."

Finn put the forms down and paced, he ran his fingers through his hair. He didn't know it was that serious, he thought that maybe there would be some slight bruising but not this. He never would have thought this.

"Just know that she might be a little bit- _different_. So don't be alarmed when you see her." The doctor said uneasily.

"Please just take me to her." Finn said bluntly.

The doctor remained silent as he motioned for Finn to follow him out the door.

* * *

The first thing Finn saw when woke up, all puffy-eyed, was her. His hand had remained firm in hers all night long. The second thing he saw was her parents, sleeping rather uneasily on the chairs across the room. What was he going to say? He was supposed to take care of her. With all the thoughts running through his head, it had never once occurred to him that her parents would show up and want an explanation. He should have thought of that when he gave the doctors their names. Her parents probably didn't want to wake him up last night because of what he had been through already, but they would want some answers this morning.

Finn couldn't hold back his emotions when he first saw her last night. Thankfully she was asleep- probably from all the stress. He needed to touch her, to hold her and tell her she would be okay. But he didn't want to wake her; he couldn't imagine the pain she was in.

He came close and saw the dark purple bruising peeking out from the bandages all along her neck. Her face looked strange and flushed; she didn't look like this before. He looked questioningly at the doctor who stood beside him.

"The blood vessels all above her neck were put under a lot of strain." The doctor had whispered to him. "She couldn't tell us anything because her vocal cords were affected as well."

Finn was no doctor but he understood. He sat down besides her and quietly took her hand in his, wondering how he could have ever let something like this happen to her. The doctor had left Finn alone in the room with her.

It took all his strength to resist the urge to touch her. She was so amazing and beautiful, and he couldn't stand seeing her like this. The guilt of what he had done washed over him suddenly and painfully

He never knew how painful it was to see someone so hurt. He never ever would have hurt himself if he knew how painful it was for those who loved him. He was so selfish to have ever done things to himself when people like Rachel had no say in the matter. She didn't want to get hurt but she did. He never should have let her go in alone. He just felt so _stupid_.

They had come back a few hours later with the police. He recognized some of them from the police station they had just come from. He explained the situation to them and told them where they could find her parents.

Finn was so exhausted he had gone back and passed out by Rachel's bed.

He just wanted things to be normal again. He wanted everything to just stop so he could love her. Rachel had never done anything but make everyone around her happy, she didn't deserve this. He just wanted to skip to the end where Rachel was better and her parents knew and everything was out in the open.

He just wanted to love her, and when she was better, he had to tell her the truth.


	15. Closer

**A/N: WOAH. 15 chapters? How did that happen! This is just a little in-betweener before I post a longer chapter. Didn't get the chance to write a lot because I had my SAT! Thanks to everyone who has read! :D**

Her dad's looked uneasy, but he couldn't stop talking.

"Like I said I'm so sorry- I never _ever _should have let her go in alone. I take _full _responsibility, Mr. Berry's. I'm just so sorry. I can't even say how much-"

"Finn!" Rachel's dad finally broke in.

Finn pulled his head up from where it was buried in his hands. He looked surprised.

"We're not blaming you; we know how strong-willed Rachel can be." Leroy said rather dismally. He shook his head, "We just want to know what's going on here."

Finn let his head rest on the wall with a resounding thud.

"I should have said something weeks ago." Finn said mostly to himself.

"Well you have the chance to say something now." Hiram pleaded with Finn.

Finn pulled himself together and faced Rachel's dads. It was time for them to know.

* * *

Everything went through a rainbow of colors as she struggled to open her eyes, and when they were finally open she wished she could close them again. But the pain was worth it when a blurry Finn walked through the door. A smile spread across her face.

"You're back." Rachel croaked.

He grinned back a little sadly; it was hard seeing her like this. He was doing that adorable thing where he ran his fingers through his hair and would only look at her from an angle. He looked a lot different from when she first woke up. The relief was gone- _he must feel guilty,_ Rachel thought.

"Your dads wanted to talk to me. And they made me eat something. I missed you." Finn plopped himself in the chair by her bed, immediately letting his hand take back its position in hers.

"It's not your fault." She said with some pain.

"It really is, but Rach- it's not about that." He looked at her like he had just killed her cat. She opened her mouth to say so but he interrupted her, "Don't talk, sweetie. You'll get better faster if you don't." He stood up a little to kiss her forehead and tuck her into the sheets better.

He'd gone a little heavy on the pet names since she woke up this morning- but she wasn't complaining. He had apologized a hundred million times and cried with her and made sure she was comfortable. It was sweet, and he made her feel better. Even in her dreams he made everything better. That's why it was a shock when she opened her mouth to speak to him this morning and it felt like someone had poured lava down her throat.

She cried a lot because of the pain. She couldn't move her neck and her head felt like a balloon. They wouldn't let her see a mirror, but she knew her eyes were bloodshot from the cool hospital air that stung them on the few occasions she opened them. She couldn't care less about how she looked for now, she was just worried about her voice. She cried more when she thought about singing, and the crying only made her stinging eyes and constant head ache worse. Finn had simply held her hand and stroked her hair and asked the nurse if there was anything more they could do for her. He barely left her side, not even to eat or sleep. He was her rock.

Rachel turned towards him as best as she could and waited expectantly for him to continue.

"I know you didn't want them to know- but I told your dad's." Finn looked up at her.

Rachel was surprised, she didn't know if she should feel worried or relieved. She bit her lip.

"Rachel- they were… They were really upset. They feel really bad that they didn't see what was going on, but they're proud of you for being so strong. After talking with them for a while, both your dad's agreed that I'm what's best for you right now- as a friend." Finn rubbed his forehead with his free hand and Rachel sulked, "I agree with them, it's for the best. They don't want you to get hurt anymore. But there's one more thing," Finn said, already knowing that she wasn't going to like this. "They want you to talk to a therapist about what happened." Judging by the look that spread across Rachel's face, he was right

"But I have you." She whispered miserably.

Finn knew what was coming next, so he moved Rachel over on her bed and climbed in with her. He knew he wasn't supposed to but he was tired of just sitting there next to her, he needed to be closer.

Neither of them knew what they would do without each other, so they held on while they had the chance.

If it was going to do her good, he could handle being her friend.

_I can handle that, right?_


	16. Moving Forward

**A/N: So I was reading my reviews and I realized that I have read stories from almost all of you who have** **reviewed! So honored that such talent would take time to read the works of little old me :D Special shout out to Noro, FinchelFan728, AmyBf19 and Gleeful Canuck! **

* * *

"I'm not going to talk to a stupid therapist about it; and stop bringing Finn into this because I don't want to talk to _anyone_ about it- _period_!"

Rachel yelled raspingly before slamming her door shut. She stomped around the room looking for something to throw before her eyes landed on her hairbrush. She threw it against the door before she cautiously threw herself on the bed and sobbed.

The doctors had let Rachel out of the hospital once she had healed and rested for a few days and after they had run some more tests. Finn stayed with her every day, leaving only once to go home and shower on her father's request. Even then she could tell he had spent the whole time at home thinking of things to bring her to distract her from crying. He would only leave to eat or go to sleep if Rachel begged him.

Even in just the few days that she had been home her face had cleared up. The blood vessels under her skin hadn't quite returned to normal, but her eyes were no longer blood shot. Her voice was still hoarse, though; just one of the many things she cried about at night.

Rachel had insisted on going back to school- even with the bandages covering the lightening bruises and the short but deep gashes on her neck. Neither Finn nor her dads were too happy about that.

She wanted to move forward. She didn't want to re-hash old details, especially not with a stranger.

Her dad's had let Finn come over but they could only hang out in front of them. They knew that Finn was good for her, but they didn't like how close they were getting so soon. They said she was too dependent, that she needed time on her own to recover. They tried telling her that it was Finn's fault that she didn't want to speak with the therapist. They said that she spent too much time trading secrets with each other that Rachel didn't want to let anyone else in. Rachel knew it was moving fast, but Finn wasn't like- _him_. She was learning from Finn and he actually made her a stronger individual. He was being very understanding about her _and_ her dad's feelings.

But that didn't stop Rachel from trying to make him be bad once in a while.

Rachel whipped out her cell phone:

_"Come over."_

She knew that without giving him an explanation he would have to come. He wouldn't know how she was feeling or why she needed him and it would eat him up inside until he gave up and just came over. And she needed that after a long fight with her dads.

She knew it was going to take at least ten minutes for him to decide. She changed positions on her bed and flipped her phone around in her hand while she thought about him. His text came right on time:

_"Coming."_

He replied simply, that's what she loved about Finn. No long explanation about how hard it would be to get out this late, he just made it happen for her. But then a minute later:

_"Should I get dressed first?"_

She laughed to herself; she was definitely a bad influence on him. She just rolled her eyes and tossed her phone aside. She didn't know how he did it but her tears were dry already.

He must have left as soon as he sent the text because he got there in five minutes. She saw his truck go by; he was probably parking around the corner. It took him another minute to walk back to her house and stand below her window. She could tell it was him even in the dark; his tall handsome frame was unmistakable. She opened the window and smiled brightly down at him.

"Well you look fine to me." Finn laughed as he stage whispered up to her.

"I always need you." She grinned and yelled back as best as she could with the state her voice was in.

"Well why did you open the window, I wanted to throw rocks." Finn said, not very sincerely.

"Just get up here, numskull." Rachel said lovingly.

"This isn't a movie Rachel; there isn't one of those flower things to climb up!" Finn crossed his arms, "Who's the numskull now?"

"Oh, geez, Finn, I'll open the back door, just make sure you're _quiet_." Rachel rolled her eyes at him.

* * *

Rachel padded silently down the stairs and made her way to the back door. She turned the bolt in the door only to find Finn already on the other side of it. He smiled sweetly and took in the sight of the angel standing before him. He wasn't used to seeing her out of a skirt, but he wasn't complaining about the short-shorts and pink tank top she was in currently. He liked that what she wore normally, it was cute and so very Rachel; but he had to say that she looked pretty hot tonight.

He shook his head and pulled her into a big hug, trying to cover up the fact that he was just checking her out for a solid thirty seconds. Rachel just laughed into his chest, she knew him too well. He brought his lips to her ear, "You're beautiful." He whispered in a husky tone that made Rachel's stomach clench. Rachel turned deep crimson, she was glad her face was buried in his warm chest so he couldn't see how powerless he made her. She breathed in his combination of Old Spice and that delicious and unidentifiable smell that was just Finn. She slowly stepped away from him, skimming her arms along his until she was holding both of his hands. "Thanks for coming." She said seriously and looked deep into his eyes. She dropped one of his hands so she could close the door behind him before dragging him upstairs.

It wasn't the first time they had snuck in extra time together, this was apparent by the way Finn made himself comfortable in one of her bean bags across from an Annie poster. He hoped Rachel wouldn't notice that he didn't take his place snuggling with her on the bed like usual; he really wanted to respect her fathers wishes, they had made him promise to be careful with her. He really wanted to keep to his promise; he wanted to be the one steady and trustworthy thing in Rachel's life. But he had spoken to soon, he could tell by the weird look on Rachel's face that she was confused.

"Hey- why don't you…?" Rachel trailed off and patted the bed next to her.

Finn looked down at his feet, his mouth opening in closing as he formed and quickly forgot his next words.

"It's my dads isn't it?" She said disappointedly.

"Rachel, I agree with them, you shouldn't be depending on anyone else right now when that's what got you into trouble before." He said somberly.

"But you're different!" Rachel raised her voice in frustration before throwing herself back on the bed in a huff and burying her face in her pillow.

She didn't even hear him, but Finn was at her side in a second, pulling the pillow away from her face. He pulled her back up so she was sitting beside him on the bed. "Hey." Finn said softly, his voice full of concern. He waited patiently for her to open up.

"I just had this whole conversation with my dads and I really don't want to have it again." she looked at him miserably.

Finn rubbed the small of her back slowly and just listened.

"I had my first session today." she admitted reluctantly.

Finn gave her a surprised look, "You should have told me! How did it go?" he said a little too excitedly for Rachel's liking.

She wrinkled his nose at him, "It didn't." she said in her most disparaging tone of voice.

"What do you mean?" Finn turned to her to show he wanted to listen.

Rachel took in a large gulp of air and let it out. "I told my dad's I didn't want to talk about it and they didn't listen to me. I told the therapist I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't even know her. She just tried to get to know me and she was so just so fake so I just didn't say anything at all."

"You didn't say anything?" Finn wrinkled his forehead.

"I made it _very_ clear I didn't want to be there." Rachel said bitterly.

"But Rach, don't you think that's a little counterproductive?"

"I don't want to _be_ productive! I just want to forget it ever happened and move past the whole thing and I want to be with you!" Her hand flew up to her mouth, there it was, she word vomited again.

Finn let his mouth hang open. She had never said it before. He had never heard the actual formation of the words they had both been implying to each other for a couple of weeks. The words were surprisingly sweet. They made him feel a rush of relief before he forgot that it couldn't be. And then they just made him feel like crap.

He realized that he must have been sitting there looking like he was waging some kind of inner war with himself for quite some time now.

"Finn? Finn what are you thinking about?" Rachel pleaded with him, shaking him lightly.

"Rachel- you should really talk to the therapist-"

"Not you too!" Rachel interrupted him with a whine.

"Let me finish." Finn shot her a dead serious look that silenced her completely. She gave him her full attention.

"Rachel. You can't move on until you address what happened and come to peace with it. I get that you don't want to tell some random stranger, but you have to do something. You can't live your life like nothing happened. Something very real and very scary happened to you and you can't shove it down and bottle it up like it's nothing. You need help." His voice was full of unease.

"I don't need anything but _you_ Finn." She looked straight at him before continuing, "And I'm _sick_ of you listening to my dads instead of me." Rachel groaned.

"Well maybe your dads are right." Finn scratched his head before looking up at her with his eyes full of guilt.

Rachel shot daggers at him with her eyes, "Explain." She said piercingly.

"The reason that you got so hurt is because you were looking to someone else and trusting them with your happiness. You don't need someone else to validate you Rachel; you don't need permission to be yourself. Rachel Berry is the only person you need; you don't even need me." Finn finished with a sigh of relief. He was surprised he was able to get it all out.

"That's not true. You're only saying that so I'll talk to the therapist instead of you." Rachel said firmly and stubbornly.

"Yes, it is true! Rachel I mean every word of that. If you only examined yourself you would see what a strong woman you are on your own." Finn gripped one of her hands and brought it up to her neck. "Can you feel that?" He asked, pointing to the mirror in front of her bed, "You survived that." The longer Rachel felt around her neck- the scars, the bruising- the more she came to the realization that he was completely and utterly right. So this is what an epiphany felt like. She took her eyes off of the mirror and looked to Finn, her face full of fresh enlightenment. She hadn't even recognized the hot tears burning in his eyes. She held him tight, showing that she could see what he saw now.

Rachel reluctantly withdrew from Finn's arms to look back at the mirror. She continued examining herself and ran her fingers along a particularly deep gash. She choked on one last sob before swallowing it down and holding her head up. They sat in silence as she continued looking into the mirror. She was deep in thought. "You're wrong in only one area, Finn. I just want you to recognize that I would never be able to learn any of this without you." She brought her hands up to his face. "How did you get so wise?" she questioned genuinely.

Finn gave her one of his from-an-angle looks. "Rachel can I tell you something?"

"Anything." She grinned.

"We were having that talk the other day, about me?" Rachel nodded her head. "And you said you wanted to continue talking about it, but I've kind of been avoiding it even though it's really been bothering me. And I figured that maybe now was a good time to bring it up because I can help you talk about something you don't want to talk about, if I talk about something I don't like talking about. If that makes sense." Finn gave her a nervous look.

"What is it, Finn? You can tell me anything, I promise I'll just listen." Rachel turned to him to show that he had her undivided attention.

Finn let out a sigh, "I know that- I just. I've never really talked about it and I'm not really sure how to approach it." Finn furrowed his brow and shook his head back and forth. "But if it even has the slightest chance of helping you, I'm going to get through it and tell you." He got up and paced in front of her.

"What is it Finn- you're scaring me." Rachel bit her lip and waited for an explanation.

He looked her straight on. "Rachel I've never told anyone about this before."

He knew he could trust her.

But how could he open himself up so completely if he wasn't allowed to love her the way he wanted to?


	17. Shame

**A/N: Hi guys :) Have I told you that I love you lately?**

**Sorry this took so long, it was really hard to write and I've been so so busy. I swear doing this had made my grades go down, but I couldn't care less because I love it so much!**

**I have a question for everyone ****_at the end of this chapter_****, so if you have enjoyed this series please please give me some feedback on it. **

**Hope this chapter isn't confusilating for you! This was a little hard to write, and I honestly don't mean to offend anyone :/**

* * *

"That time in the hallway when I hit Zach wasn't the first time they were pushing me around. But you know that. I had just gotten into high school, I was still trying to figure out who I was going to be. I joined the football team to make some friends, to maybe make my life a little easier. _How ironic. _We just never got along, me and some of the popular guys. I didn't realize there was two different sections of the football team. There are the big popular guys, and then there's the smaller and nerdier looking kids. Guess which group I made friends with faster? I guess I just thought that football meant instant popularity. It sounds so vain, I know; but it really wasn't like that.

They started out easy. They would tackle us on purpose sometimes, or throw the ball right at our heads. They basically just tried making us look like idiots in front of coach. The typical stealing our clothes in the shower type stuff. Yeah, it was total crap but we had to put up with it. It just made things easier.

But then they got worse. They would stuff kids in the lockers- overnight. These were good kids- my friends. The type of guys who never said a bad word to anyone. One of them had asthma and he had to be taken to the hospital when we found him in the morning. It really scared the crap out of all of us. It got so bad, I can't even remember everything they made us do.

Some stuff I remember better than others.

There was this one guy- he was a little smaller and they kept shoving him around in the locker room and calling him names. They filled his locker with like- bra's and stuff. When he opened it they cornered him, they wouldn't stop yelling at him. They were laughing like it was some hilarious twisted joke and when we didn't laugh too, they made us yell stuff at him. They pushed us closer and egged us on. Some of the scrawnier kids just did it to get it over with and rann off but some of us wouldn't say anything. They started yelling stuff at us too, they said we were chicken and that we were- we were _faggots_ just like him. They wouldn't stop shoving me, poking at me. "Say it Hud, tell him what he is. Tell him he's a _fag, Hud_." They just kept yelling in my face. I didn't know the guy they were tormenting very well but he seemed nice. I certainly didn't want to go along with those numbskulls and do what they said. I just kept saying no and trying to get away before one of Zach's friends grabbed. He held me against the lockers, right next to the guy they were trying to get me to yell at. They punched me, and they just kept punching me and punching me.

So I did it.

I could blame the pain or the pressure, but there really is no excuse. I never should have done that.

I can still see the way that he looked over at me. Its like burned into my mind but I can't even use words to describe it. It was almost like, he knew how much I was hurting; but he was hurting even worse. I don't know.

There was a lot of blood- and when I finally got the chance to clean up I just couldn't. I just stared in the mirror for God knows how long. I just felt like I deserved it- I couldn't wipe off the blood until I wiped the blackness from out of my soul. I felt so overwhelmed about how cowardly I had been. I didn't know what to do- I didn't know how to express how horrible I felt about what I had done. I just pushed it down like I did with everything else.

I couldn't talk to any of the guys anymore; I couldn't even look them in the eye. We all knew what we had done and it hurt some of us more than others. That kid they were bullying dropped out of football and I don't think he was doing too well- I still blame myself for that. But I pushed it all down just like I did with everything else in my life. I didn't get angry or sad; I just compressed it until I couldn't feel anymore. Maybe that's why I felt so drawn to you- I saw them doing the same things to you, and it was the absolute last straw. If I could barely handle it, I can't even begin to image how hard it was for you. You're so strong. I wish I had you back then.

It really sucked not having anyone in school to talk to about this, I was really lonely and there was so much going on. The other guys on the team didn't stop- they just kept going, and it got worse and worse. They- they made some of us fight them at the back of the school. They graffiti'd some pretty horrible stuff on our lockers. And when I got some guys together to try and make them stop, they just started targeting me. They told me all sorts of horrible things- and I _believed_ them. I let them get under my skin. They blackmailed me into doing awful things- things I never thought I would do to anyone. They even made me force this kid in a wheelchair to- well, to eat garbage. I couldn't stop it. And that wasn't even the worst of it.

I don't even want to talk about what they did- that's not the important part. It's what I let them do to my head that was the worst. I came home one night after they had cornered me in the locker rooms, and I was out of my mind. I had been stuffing it all down into me- and you know what happens sometimes, when you try to stuff a bunch of garbage down in the can, and it all just springs back at you? Well- it just all blew up in my face and I just couldn't deal anymore. I had to find a way to express physically what I was feeling emotionally; I needed to let it out and just feel for once.

And it was just sitting there, at the edge of the medicine cabinet. My razor. It was just too easy. I took it out slowly and examined it. I had to do it, I _had_ to.

And so I dragged the cold blade across my skin.

And I finally felt something."

* * *

Finn had been pacing back and forth throughout his entire monologue, and Rachel felt there was nothing more she could do for him but sit diligently and _really_ listen. He only stopped once in a while to bang his fist on the wall in emphasis, or to run his hand through his hair. He didn't look at her once, not until the end. And then he just broke down and started crying. Something she had seen him do way too much lately.

But this time it was her who immediately dropped to the floor and held him. She took his large frame into her arms as best she could, and she carefully kissed each tear away from his face. He put his head in his lap and brought his hands to his face. His voice came out muffled through his arms. "I did it every time they did something to me." Finn breathed raggedly through the tears.

"There's a story behind every scar. I should never have let them effect me so permanently; I gave them a pass to haunt me for the rest of my life."

"No Finn- no." was all she could say. For all the beautiful words he had to say to her in the past month, it was all she could think of. She had no idea that the rock she had been leaning on this whole time was so broken.

"I'm so _ashamed_." Finn choked out.

Rachel was in shock, _how could she not have seen this_? She rubbed Finn's head as he began to calm down a little bit. She needed to see. What had they let this beautiful creature do to himself to make him so completely wrecked? She had to know.

She reached down to his thigh- it was where he had touched earlier when he was talking. She lifted his khaki shorts a few above his knee. She inhaled sharply in utter astonishment. Finn didn't even open his eyes. He just let her put her fingers over the pale pink scars that were striped across his thighs. They were slightly raised, and she could feel each one with her eyes shut tightly, one hand running through his hair. She shook with a mix of rage and deep sadness.

"I'll go. I'll talk to the therapist." She whispered, her voice cracking slightly.

* * *

**A/N:**

**So how was that? :)**

**I know my chapters are a leetle on the short side. **

**Here's my question for you all:**

**I have an idea for a lot more of this story, but I also have a good way to end it soon. **

**_So,_**** should I end it soon, make it longer with lots of chapters, ****_OR _****could I end it and start a new installment showing how the story continued? Please I would love your feedback, I read all my reviews and try to follow you guys back, so thank you for everything. No reviews are too small. **


	18. Be My Puzzle Piece

**A/N: So I know I'm definitely not writing as often but don't give up on me! I love this story too much to let it go. I've been very busy with High School and I definitely have Senioritis. :( I'm sure some of you can sympathize. I haven't really decided how I'm going to continue this story, only one person responded to my question in the last chapter :( Remember I will still love you even if you don't review XD**

Finn looked over at the girl his heart was so full of love for as he drove her home on a Thursday afternoon.

Her arms were crossed and her lips were turned up into what was supposed to be a whiny pout; but she was just way too sexy for that. He was going to die if he couldn't kiss those lips soon.

"So tell me again why you agreed to go?" He smirked at her.

"I did not _plan_ on storming out of yet another session, Finn Hudson, it just happened." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Maybe Ms. Pillsbury should learn that I hate it when she brings you up, as if you were to blame for _anything _but my speedy recovery."

Finn ignored his little diva and waited for her to fully answer his question.

"Fine," she said after some silence. "I felt how painful it was for you to tell me those things. I don't want to wind up carrying around such hurt and pain the way you do." She looked over at him much more seriously this time.

"But now that I've shared that with you, I feel a million times better," Finn smiled to himself as he continued driving. "and we're closer than ever, right?" He briefly looked over at her.

"Right." Rachel confirmed as she gave his knee an affectionate squeeze. They both smiled at each other before she reminded him to keep his eyes on the road.

The silence continued as they drove home from the hospital where Rachel was having her therapy sessions. It killed Finn to be in there, not just because of what happened to Rachel, but because of the time he drove himself there, afraid for naught that he was going to bleed out.

They had talked late into the night after she agreed to go to therapy. He had explained to Rachel about the hospital, and that he was never trying to kill himself. He just needed a way out, and now that he had her he didn't need to do that anymore.

Her lilting voice cut into his thoughts, "When exactly did you stop?" He hadn't even noticed that she was staring down at the bit of thigh that was exposed by his shorts. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat to cover it. He bit his lip as he prepared an answer.

"Remember that first time you invited me over and we had cookies?" Finn asked rhetorically.

Rachel grinned, she didn't even need him to complete that thought. But her grin quickly turned to a thoughtful frown.

"So, you don't want me to depend on you to know how much that I matter… but you need _me_ to see that you matter?"

Finn had really put himself in hot water with that one. He took a deep breath as he figured out a way to explain himself.

"Well, look, you _do_ make me happier and I can forget everything that's happened when I'm around you. But that's not why I stopped. The main reason I stopped is because I saw how much pain you were in, and you had no say in the matter. Then I thought about all the people whose lives were so much more messed up than mine, and people who had no choice about being hurt, and I knew that I was only hurting other people by hurting myself. Please Rachel, please just understand that we all want you to be a little bit more independent until you can recover. It's good for you; you don't want to find yourself in- _that situation_ again."

He glanced over to see Rachel's brow furrowed in deep thought. Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned Zach.

"So- we can help each other through our problems, but we can't depend on each other to solve them?"

Finn nodded his head and breathed a sigh of relief to see that her house was just up on the right. He pulled over and turned towards her in the car so they could talk while he was only focused on her. She had finally seen what they had been trying to tell her, and he wanted her to be clear about a thing or two.

"Rachel Barbara Berry, I would be yours completely in a heartbeat if I could. You have no idea how many times I haven't taken the opportunity to kiss you breathless or just hold you, and it's killing me. I want to hold your hand whenever we are near, and I want to tuck your hair behind your ear and whisper exactly how I feel about you for no one else to hear. But more than that, I want you to get better. So I'm putting my feelings on the shelf because I care about _you_ more than I care about myself. But most of all I don't want to-"

Finn had been babbling so she cut him off with her hand to his cheek, "Finn you're not going to hurt me."

Finn looked away and leaned his head on the window. "No one can know what's going to happen in the future Rachel. I would never, _ever_, hurt you on purpose but we just don't know how life is going to go. I don't want to make a promise I can't keep."

Rachel brought her hand to his cheek again so that he was facing her again. "Just the fact that you won't make that promise to me shows me how much you care."

They were so close, they were inches apart. She was looking at him like he hung the moon. Her eyes were so brown, like dark chocolate, and they were sparkling as she looked up at him. Her hair was falling lightly over her face. He smelled deliciously like cologne from that close. She was intoxicated. He closed his hand around hers and they squeezed tight.

"We're like two puzzle pieces, you know. We're both broken but we still fit together to make something whole and beautiful." She whispered as she leaned her forehead against his.

"I think I want to be with you every second of the day and I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want and tell you how handsome you are." She thought out loud while she glanced down at his lips. They were right there.

"Rachel." Finn pleaded, "Why are you making this so hard for me?" He voice was hitched and he was almost shaking.

She knew they couldn't, but she needed a taste. Her dads would be furious. If she couldn't have the whole cake, she was at least going to get her piece. So she slowly brought her lips closer and planted them softly on his cheek, right near his lips. Finn let out a frustrated sigh before he leaned back in the seat and squeezed his eyes shut tight.

She was perfect in every way to him, and he had spent far too much time watching her and longing for her to settle for this. It was scary how much he needed to have his lips on hers right now. There was this little curl he had to brush aside, but it was all too much. If he started by touching her face he would somehow find his way to those pouty pink lips. But he was going to put himself aside for her. She came first.

Rachel was giggling to herself and biting a fingernail when he opened his eyes. He had to take a few deep breaths, his heart felt like it was on frozen and on fire at the same time. He quickly opened up the car door before she could argue and held her side open.

She looked at him repentantly when she saw just how much she had affected him by the frustrated look on his face. She hadn't meant to toy with him- maybe she hadn't really taken the time to appreciate his adoration for her. "Finn." She pleaded apologetically as she reached out for him.

"_Don't_-" he said a little too loudly when he felt her hands on his chest.

Rachel pulled her hands back and brought them up to her face in surprise.

"If you do that I'm going to _have_ to take those delicious lips of yours." He said huskily while he turned her around and pointed her up to her house. His frustration turned to a smile when he saw the effect his words had on her.

Rachel blushed and went ahead of him obediently. She stopped and turned to face him at the door. She yelped in surprise when he suddenly pulled her into the biggest, warmest hug she had ever received in her life. He whispered to her before they let go, "We might not be able to be together right now, but puzzle pieces still fit together when they're apart."

They pulled away from each other breathless, and neither of them said a word as they went their separate ways.

* * *

Rachel's parents shook their heads disapprovingly and looked at each other worriedly as they stood by the window putting the curtain back in its place. LeRoy tossed the phone back and forth in his hands as he decided what they would do about their little problem.


	19. Hitting The Wall

**A/N: I'm sorry for all that I have put you guys through with this story! I'm getting a lot of, "oh just let them be together already." Haha. I guess I've taken a lesson from the writers of glee, if you keep them apart for longer, it will be that much sweeter when they have a happy ending (and they ****_will_**** have a happy ending!) ! This one is a long one, if you want to do more than just review, talk to me on my new glee account at MsSarah_Berry! That would make me so happy :)**

**Also, does anyone have any idea for my story description? I feel like it's… lacking.**

* * *

"So what's been going on with you, Berry?" Kurt leaned against the wall next to Rachel's locker with Mercedes pinky in his.

Rachel grinned at the two of them, she felt bad that she had been too busy to talk lately but it was good to see them again. "Hey guys, I meant to say thanks for the flowers that you sent to the hospital. It was so sweet of you." Rachel beamed at them; she had never known just how many people were in this school until almost every one of them had stopped to express their condolences to her in the hallway. "You know, I really needed that encouragement and-"

"When we asked you what was going on, we only had one thing in mind, Berry." Mercedes raised an eyebrow and smirked as she cut Rachel off. Rachel whipped around to see what Mercedes was half-smiling over her shoulder at.

Rachel's confused expression quickly melted into an ear to ear smile as she saw Finn laughing with some guys down the hallway. She turned back to her locker with a dreamy expression, which only encouraged Kurt and Mercedes taunting.

"Ooh, I know that look; someone wants to get her berry popped!" Mercedes barely finished, she was too busy cackling at her own joke.

Rachels shocked look only elicited more laughter from her friends, but eventually she joined in.

"I'm just still trying to figure out how you noticed what a hotty he was before we did." Kurt sulked and crossed his arms.

Mercedes and Rachel giggled as Kurt threw his hands up indignantly. As soon as they had calmed down, Kurt and Mercedes took on more serious expressions as they both looked at each other knowingly. "All jokes aside though, Rachel. We just want you to be careful. We don't really know him that well, but maybe it's kind of weird that you guys have had eyes on each other for so long and he hasn't made a move. We just don't want you to get hurt. Again." Mercedes nodded at Kurt's words before they turned to Rachel for a reply.

Rachel had been with guys before. This wasn't what her friends thought it was. This wasn't one of those things where the guy was toying with her and saying that he liked her but not really making any sort of commitment. She had heard the lines before, and she knew that not being the "Relationship type" was a polite way for guys to say they were selfish and didn't care about anyone but themselves. That wasn't Finn. She hadn't even _seen_ him with another girl besides his mom. Rachel had never felt this way. How could she phrase it? She had never felt so _taken care of_ before. Her wish was literally his command. He dropped everything for her on a regular basis. She was definitely not used to being treated like a princess, and it was taking some getting used to. She knew her friends were just trying to take care of her, but she wasn't really ready to explain what was going on with her and Finn.

Rachel snapped out of the thoughts flowing freely through her head to hear the tail end of an in-depth conversation. She knew it was deep by how many times Mercedes had done her praise hands. "I _always_ had a feeling about that Zach guy. He looked like trouble." Kurt finished.

"Excuse me, mister!"Rachel cut in suddenly. "The only thing you have _ever_ warned me about is my knee socks giving me cankles!"

Mercedes burst out laughing at Rachel's revelation. She was still wiping the tears as the warning bell rang. "Hey guys, I have to go but thanks so much for taking the time to care about me." Rachel said sincerely. Kurt and Mercedes opened up their arms at Rachel's words and smooshed her in a group hug. They all finished saying their goodbyes to each other as Rachel pulled the last of her books out of her locker and went to class.

* * *

Finn hurried to cram the last of his books into his bag as he heard the warning bell ring. He glanced down the hallway and laughed to himself to see Rachel doing the same. She had caught his eye earlier, when he had seen her laughing with some friends of hers. Now that he realized he didn't know her friends names he felt kind of bad; he been working hard to get to know her better but it was kind of hard when her parents were being so weird. She was just so beautiful. _Too_ beautiful. When she had glanced his way all he had wanted to do was go over there and mess up her hair. He was a boy after all.

But her parents had been- well, _extra_ weird lately. They had called him up the night after he had dropped her off from therapy to talk. He had been really weirded out, especially after they said they had gotten his number off of Rachel's phone.

After they had sorted out all the confusion and Finn had gotten over his initial freak-out, her dads said they wanted to talk to him. They had told him to come to their house after school on Tuesday, when Rachel was busy with Glee. He didn't know what they wanted, but it made him very nervous. He had never been around her parents for very long before, but the more times he saw them, the more he got the feeling that they wanted him gone. He didn't understand why, they had been so friendly at the hospital. Emotions were high then, he had helped her through some tough situations and so they needed him. But now that Rachel had a therapist, and her only obstacle was to getting healthy and feeling better, he felt like they didn't need him. Like maybe he was a threat now instead of an asset. And so they treated him like crap.

But he was supposed to speak with them on Tuesday, and that was a week away. He wasn't going to worry about it; they probably just wanted to check him out for Rachel.

_But maybe I should start to worry more. _

* * *

It was Monday afternoon when Finn caught Rachel walking out of the choir room, following behind the rest of the Glee club. "Hey, Rach!" they both beamed brightly at each other, they hadn't seen each other outside of class in a while. Finn had an away game over the weekend and Rachel wanted to take extra time to practice a solo. She quickly skipped over to him and slipped an arm through his. "You know, you're not doing a very good job at this whole 'friends' thing, mister." Rachel poked his rib in jest. Finn rolled his eyes and poked back, right where he knew she was ticklish. "No fair!" she cried as she shoved him lightly. Some of the girls Finn recognized as Rachel's friends looked back and cocked an eyebrow. Finn couldn't care less.

"So I was thinking." Finn started with his mischievous lop-sided grin. Rachel looked up at him, her face filled with curiosity, "Word in the hallways is that some of the Cheerios are having a party tonight. I heard that some of the Glee Cheerios would be there, and some guys that I know. So I thought that, maybe-"

"Yes!" Rachel cut in excitedly. "I've never been to one of these things, especially not with such sweet eye candy on my arm!" Rachel said ecstatically. Finn knew well enough to take it as a compliment. He noticed Rachel looking away a little bit, she looked sad suddenly. Maybe Zach would never take her to those parties. Maybe that's where he used to hook up with the cheerleaders. Finn shook his thoughts off and chucked Rachel on the chin. "Hey, we're gonna go, and we're going to have an amazing time, and then I can drive you home and it will just be us, and you can sing me that undoubtedly angelic solo you've been working on."

Rachel's face instantly brightened into the gorgeous girl he knew she was. "Finn Hudson, are you reading my mind?" She giggled.

"That's what I'm here for." He grinned back

* * *

Finn breathed a sigh of relief and flopped down on the bed when they were finally safe at home. It's not that he didn't enjoy the party; it was just all too much for him, and he was glad to finally be _completely_ alone with Rachel. It had taken a miracle to convince Rachel's parents, who were only persuaded through pleading and maybe some white lies. He really only wanted to go for Rachel, they had been cooped up together for too long under their parents watchful eye. He could never be fully alone with her, so he had to settle for changing up the environment and getting to know her friends better. It _had_ to be better than hanging out in the school hallways or watching Funny Girl with her parents for the millionth time.

But now that the party was over, he didn't know if that was exactly accurate. As soon as he stepped through the door Rachel's friends had whisked her away while the rest of them backed Finn into a corner. They grilled him about Rachel until he was stuttering and sweating, but thankfully Rachel had realized what was going on and rescued him from her overprotective friends. They chatted with their friends and watched them do really stupid dares until it got old. There was so much drama, it was all a mess of "Who slept with whose boyfriend", and "I can't believe _she_ came to the party".

Most of their friends on the dance floor were wasted by now- but Finn had never really been into that. And as fun as she was, he certainly wasn't about to have a re-run of drunk Rachel. He cared about her too much, and her parents would _never_ forgive him. He was ironically relieved that most people were wasted, they didn't really notice how bad his dance moves were, or how he couldn't take his eyes off Rachel. The only thing that had compelled him to dance was her puppy-dog face and how sexy she looked in that dress.

They danced until they were tired and it was mostly slow songs. The highlight of the night- their one short-lived moment of calm, came shortly afterwards. Maybe it was so special because he had never felt more at home than when he had his arms around Rachel. They wandered around, chatting with friends until they found an empty spot on the balcony. It was beautiful and Rachel could have sworn she had never seen the stars so bright. It was a pretty nice house- it was a Cheerios after all.

He was physically unable to take his hand out of hers, even though he knew they shouldn't. They sat in silence, simply enjoying each other's company. She was a magnet; and before he knew it they were nuzzled right up against each other as the cold wind blew into the open area. He looked around to find that they were now alone and worried. It wasn't that he didn't want her, which he had made crystal clear that he did, it was about integrity. He wanted to be a man for Rachel, to give her dads a reason to trust him. Rachel's warm lips on his neck snapped him out of the haze of his thoughts and into reality.

He didn't mean to jump up so quickly, maybe it was a force of habit.

He had been so focused on trying to build a layer of protection between them- even if it was a thin one- that he hadn't stopped to consider what it might be doing to them. Rachel's distractingly soft lips certainly weren't helping matters. Every time they touched she was dissolving the barriers, and he had to work that much harder to put them back up again. He just wanted something there so that they couldn't hurt each other. Maybe it was too late for that, but he wanted to protect her so badly that he would go to any length. Even if it meant there would be pain involved.

Rachel looked more than slightly pissed and confused as she glared up at Finn, who was just staring into space. She gave him a look that said, "Um, hello?" before she started to stand up, obviously she was planning on storming out. Finn grabbed her wrist, pulling her towards him before she could turn around. "Rachel, wait." He said softly as he pulled her towards him. She remained stiff and incompliant, obviously waiting for an answer. "You know how hard this is for you? Do you know how angry this makes you? Now just multiply that by ten and you've got how it is for me. I'm dying Rachel."

Rachel melted and let him pull her in closer; he held both of her hands between them. "Finn, this whole thing just… _stinks_. But it's unfair to say that you have it worse, you obviously don't know how I feel about you." She murmured as she rested her head on his chest. Finns heart was racing at her words. "I just feel- I just feel like I've said all that I can say to you and now I've hit a wall. We can't move forward no matter how badly we want to."

They both slow danced to no music and glowed in a way that only two people in love can.

That is until one of Rachel's blonde cheerio friends brought a bunch of people and another speaker out to the balcony, spreading the party further to all ends of the house. From then on they were too wrapped up with games of twister, dancing, talking, avoiding the make-out rooms, and watching some idiots light their shots on fire to have a moment alone again.

Their only connection for the rest of the night was the burning glances they sent each other from opposite sides of the room. It was hard to talk even when they were in the same group, her friends loved to talk… _a lot._

It was when someone rolled through the living room on a pair of roller skates and projectile vomited all over the carpet that Finn decided it was time to leave. He ran right up to her giggling group of friends and took her hand, she didn't complain at all about being taken so abruptly when she realized it was Finn. He practically pulled her out the door and placed her in the front seat of the car.

As much as he enjoyed getting to know her friends a little more, there was nothing like being with Rachel. They took deep breaths and let it out, relieved to finally be free from the whirlwind of drama and alcohol. Finn was surprised to look at the clock on the dash of his car and find that they still had almost an hour until they had promised her dads the party would be over. He poked Rachel on the shoulder and pointed at the clock. She let out a little, "Huh!" and they both grinned at each other.

"Soo… what do you want to do now?" Finn asked in his cutest voice.

"As long as I'm right next to you I don't really care." Rachel smiled sweetly. Finn's heart soared when she looked at him like that.

"How about we go to my house, and be right next to each other there?" Finn grinned sheepishly. He had just wanted to be alone with her again- completely alone, for the longest time.

"That sounds good." Rachel replied while Finn started the engine of the car.

Finn thought back to all of this as he flopped down on the bed while Rachel made herself comfortable in the chair across from his bed. They had arrived at his home about the same time as his mom did, and she was blissfully surprised to meet the beautiful girl that Finn was so enchanted by. She made this very clear by the huge hug that she swept Rachel into, and the way she was so comfortable with them being upstairs alone. Finn thought it was kind of weird that she was letting him have a girl in the house, but he figured that she was just glad he was finally interested in another girl.

Rachel reached over to take his hand and they just sat across from each other in silence. "So how was it?" She said finally.

"It was a little exhausting. But at least I can say all your friends' names now." Finn smiled at the ceiling.

"That's good." Rachel replied after a beat. "I'm just glad we had extra time so I can be with you." Rachel started down at his hand in her lap and began to massage it gently.

"Me too." Finn replied softly.

They continued to sit in silence, both coming to the same realization. As much as they thought they would enjoy this, it was just too painful because it couldn't be anything more than this. They could only sit across from each other and talk about mundane subjects because if they went any deeper there could be consequences. They would always hit that wall. That barrier that kept them from being close.

"Rachel?" Finn said as he sat up. She looked back at him attentively. "I just have something to say about earlier- on the balcony? We don't need to continue having the conversation that we did, because this is how it is for now. We have to stay here like this and wait for the signal from your parents to move on. I fully believe that's going to happen soon, and we're both strong enough to make it until then. "

Rachel bit her lip and let her thoughts run free. "You're right." She finally said. "I haven't been making it easy for you either. I really admire you- for wanting to respect my dads, for everything."

She took a deep breath, "What do you mean you think they're going to let us soon?"

Finn squeezed her hand and half-smiled, "They told me not to tell you- but they want to talk to me tomorrow."

Rachel grinned from ear to ear as she leaned forward and took his other hand so that both of his hands in hers. "My small words can't cover everything you have done for me, but thank you, Finn. Thank you for everything. " Rachel dropped his hands and stood up.

Finns mouth was half open when she did this but she held a finger up to his lips. "It's alright." She said simply and walked over to his tv and turned it on.

They sat in silence and watched Hoarders before Finn took Rachel home exactly on time.

**A/N: So yeah, I hope that was good, it was long which I hope you liked. Sorry my updates haven't been as timely as they were in the past. Been so busy, _Love you guys :D_**


	20. Stay Away

**A/N: Heloooo :) So I am so so so so so sorry that I'm posting this on the day before Valentines day! That's just the way things went! Review, review, review! Remember, things get worse before they get better :D**

* * *

"Stay away."

Finn ran and ran as fast as he could but he couldn't get away from those words; they bit him with their chill and whipped his face with an icy glare.

"Stay away."

The words echoed through his him until his head rang. He tripped and fell, the darkness overcoming him.

"Coward. Idiot. Useless. Stay Away."

He turned around on his back and struggled through something thick. He pushed with his feet until he was sitting upright, but every time he got up he couldn't stop from stumbling into the blackness. There was no one there to help him.

"You're no _good_."

The voice said. Finn felt himself falling through the blackness. Alone. Falling and falling. He couldn't stop falling.

* * *

Finn snapped up from his bed with his heart racing. The voice echoed through him once more, _"Stay away." _It all came flooding back to him, it was just a dream. It was just a silly and only slightly scary dream.

But it wasn't.

It was her dads voice.

Finn pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes as the weight of what was going on hit him like a pile of bricks.

"Oh shit." He groaned. It had to be one of the worst feelings in the world to wake up to what was supposed to be a beautiful, normal day, only to feel the truth pounding through your every being.

This was supposed to be a good day, a day where he could expect to see her radiant smile directed at him. But now he couldn't.

He hadn't known what to expect when he had driven alone to Rachel's house on Tuesday after school. But what _had_ happened could only have been described as his greatest fears of what could have happened.

The conversation with her dads flooded back.

He was thumbing the pattern on the fabric of the couch nervously. They both sat down after him. Leroy knitted his fingers together and frowned at him, silencing any and all speeches and ice breakers that Finn had prepared on the car ride over.

"We're going to give it to you straight, Mr. Hudson. We don't want you in our daughter's life."

Finns smile took a second to fade. The words genuinely didn't register with him for a few seconds. His smile faded instantly when they did. He fumbled with his shirt buttons, it suddenly felt _very_ hot. His mouth suddenly went dry, he couldn't form syllables- let alone whole sentences.

"Do you- do you need a drink, or something?" Hiram fidgeted nervously at the boys surprising behavior.

Finn furrowed his brow as he tried to pull together some sort of thought from the sea that was his mind. "I-I'm afraid I can't. I just can't do that sir." Finn addressed Leroy. He pressed his lips together and shook his head as he finally looked bother her parents in the eye.

Leroys eyebrows shot up at Finn's revelation. "Why not? It's a simple enough request."

"With all due respect, it's not simple at all Mr. Berry. I don't understand why you're asking me to do this." Finn pulled his hands through his hair nervously.

"We've been talking to Rachel's psychologist. She's been having some concerns regarding her- _trust_. It seems that Rachel doesn't want to open up about what happened to her, Finn. Ms. Pillsbury would like to think it's because she already did open up to someone, and doesn't want to break that person's trust." Leroy narrowed his eyes at Finn.

Finn just sat there, not really sure what this was leading to.

"You're not a psychologist Finn. We did not shell out large amounts of cash for you to make her better. You're not helping." Leroy enunciated each word of his last sentence clearly. "You need to stop talking to her so she can open up to her psychologist. When she talks to you she is only learning to depend on you more, to depend on other people and not herself. You're _not_ making her better."

Finn's fingers found themselves playing with the fabric on the couch once again. "But we don't depend on each other, we help each other. I think you should give me some credit, I mean, I- I've been trying really hard Mr. Berry. I could have ignored your wishes and gone ahead with our relationship. I have respected what you wanted and we- we are really nothing more than friends, I've made sure of that." Finn ended his dialogue sitting straight up on the couch; he surprised himself with his confidence.

"Finn, we've made it as clear as we possibly can. You're no good for her. We thought your friendship would be okay at first, but her psychologist has informed us otherwise. We want to do whatever it takes to make her better. _Stay away from her._" Leroy stood up to take his leave.

"So do I. I'm what's best for her." Finn said quietly. His confidence completely drained.

"We happen to know some members of the board at Ohio State, Finn. We know you've been eyeing that football scholarship. That's all I'm going to say."

"You would really do this? You would do this to your own daughter after all that she's been through?"

"We're not doing this to her, you are, Mr. Hudson. Remember, there are consequences."

Finn looked to Hiram for help; he had been peculiarly quiet through all of this. But all Hiram could do was shrug sadly and leave with Leroy. "You can find your own way out Finn." He heard from the doorway.

Finn memorized the pattern on the carpet for several minutes, trying to figure out what he was supposed to find his way out of before quietly slipping out the door.

* * *

"Finn?" Rachel said sweetly as she sauntered up to his locker at the beginning of lunch.

She looked ravishing, but he did his best to not turn away from his books. The pain of it all was written clearly across his face.

"Finn are you okay?" She gently placed a hand on his arm.

He immediately jerked away from her touch. "Rachel, don't."

"Finn what's going on?" She pleaded.

He turned to her with wet eyes and she instinctively placed her hand to his face to dry the tears that were already starting to fall.

"Rachel, please." he shook his head.

"So I'm guessing my dad's didn't have anything good to say." She said with a bitter tone.

All Finn could do was shake his head and hope to God he wasn't going to cry here in front of all these people.

"And I'm also guessing that this little thing where you're ignoring me is because you're actually going alongwith whatever they said." She rolled her eyes.

Finn was able to murmur out, "I'm so sorry Rachel." He wiped his face on his sweatshirt. "I- I just want you to get-"

"To get better?!" Rachel raised her voice. "I _am_ better! When are you, and my parents, and everyone else going to see that the only thing I _need_ right now is you? You _made me_ better!" Rachel turned around in a huff, leaving unexpectedly and much less amiably than she came.

Finn was flabbergasted; that was _not_ how he expected the conversation to go. He knew he was supposed to run after her, but he hadn't really planned on her storming away so suddenly and he needed time to think. He didn't want to put it off any longer, if he put if off he would begin to think about it. And if he began to think about it he would get so wrapped up in her that he would never be able to do this. maybe foootball practice would help him clear his head.


	21. Slowly

**A/N: I am so so so so so so so soooo eternally sorry that I am posting this on Valentines Day! At least today is Glee day with Finchel reunion! ! I ****_promise_**** you that I will make it up to you in future chapters! I wish I had written faster so that I could post the happy ending today, but alas. :( I am forever in all you amazing peoples debt!**

* * *

Click. Click. Click.

That sweet and familiar noise rang out through the locker room once more.

Finn wanted to whip around with a huge grin on his face, but he couldn't do that now. Things were different. They hadn't talked in a few days, besides for a brief text exchange about what exactly her fathers had said. They both knew they were fighting, but they hadn't wanted to use their words; the silence was becoming unbearable.

The door hissed shut behind her.

Maybe he had stayed late at football practice because he had secretly hoped she would come. He had no idea that she actually would, but he would have waited for hours to even catch a glimpse.

"Do you remember the first time we were here?" she said, _much_ more quietly than the last time they had talked in the hallway.

Finn was afraid of so many things; he could only look down at the bench underneath him.

"I regret letting anything stop us then, and I don't see why anything should stop us now." She said, with a bit more poise this time.

Finn didn't want to turn around; if he did he knew he would be a goner. He would be left to swim in the deep chocolate seas that some called her eyes. "I held you like I would never get the chance again. I never thought I would." His voice cracked. "And now here we are in the same place, an- and I'm still afraid I might never get to again."

Rachel wanted to say something to comfort him, but she could tell that he had much more to say.

"And do you also remember the second time you came here? You broke my heart into the tiniest little pieces, and then you stomped on it and threw it away." Finn was done, he didn't care, and he was full on crying now. But he still couldn't look at Rachel. "I thought I would die, Rachel, and I'm not sure how you did it but somehow you fixed it again. You fixed us, and no matter how much crap your dads or me or anyone else talks, we need each other. I tried not to let it happen but we came to depend on each other. I wanted so badly to respect your dads, I didn't want to sneak around behind their backs, I wanted to _really_ be with you." Finn couldn't control it, he was shaking slightly and hiccuping on some of his words. He pressed his palms into his eyes hoping it would stop up the tears.

He had so much more to say, but Rachel wasn't going to let him. This was too much. She practically ran over to him from where her feet had been stuck to the ground. She climbed into his lap and put her arms around him. He had spent so long comforting her, it felt so good to be the one doing the comforting this time. They had been apart for far too long. She pressed herself into him so tightly, she never wanted him to have to let go again.

She ducked her head back to take a look at him. He was still sobbing, but silently this time. She tucked her sleeve into her palm and dried his face with it slowly. When she was done she brushed the hair out of his face and looked at him. She really looked at him. He was so handsome but so sad. His eyes were filled with it, they were overflowing with it right now, in fact.

She moved a hand down to his forehead that had been previously fixing his hair. She knew that he got headaches when he cried, so she rubbed his temples with both hands. She knew him that well, and he loved that about her. She brought her fingers across to close each eye gently. She continued down his face to dry the remaining tears with her fingers and placed a light kiss on his nose. His breathing had slowly become even and the tears had stopped. She felt his strong hands come around her back and squeeze her tight. Her fingers followed the trail of now dried tears and sidetracked at his lips. She brushed a thumb across his bottom lip and his eyes snapped open. They were looking each other straight in the eye, saying more than they ever could with their words. Finn could have sworn that their combined heart beats could have been heard from outside of the room; outside of the school even. Rachel glanced down at his lips for a fleeting second, letting her forehead come to rest on his. Her hand came down to his neck as she slowly let her eyes drift shut. Slowly because they had all the time in the world.

Finn waited up a second so that he could just watch her. He didn't know how it had happened, but he suddenly just knew he was in love with Rachel Berry. He never dreamed it possible for someone as pure and beautiful to love him in return. Let alone the stunning angel that was curled up in his lap, face turned up expectantly. He wanted to tell her, but his heart was so overwhelmed that he couldn't find the nerve to do anything but capture her lips in his. His eyes fluttered shut as he kissed her slowly and softly, putting as much meaning into it as he could because he couldn't find the words to tell her. His hand found its way up to her cheek, brushing aside a strand of hair so that he had better access to the most delicious and soft lips he would ever want to taste again. They were two missing puzzle pieces, coming together perfectly to form something beautiful. This was it, he could die right now and be able to tell whoever was up there that he had lived with no regrets. He didn't even know if he could continue living, or if he would live his life just discontentedly comparing every moment to this purely blissful one.

Rachel untangled herself from Finn only when she was afraid she was going to pass out. She was brimming with such ecstasy that her body was shaking just trying to let it all out. She didn't come more than a few inches apart from him, she wanted to savor the moment for as long as she could. They opened their eyes at the same moment, and gazed at each other with wonder at what they had just done. Neither of them had ever experienced something so intense. Rachel's shaking fingers couldn't let all of her excitement out, she had to do something or she would burst.

"I love you." She said, and it took her a moment to realize that she had said it out loud. But when she realized, she knew that she had no regrets. It was out there now. She had pictured the way this would happen over and over again in her mind. But hearing the words out loud and hoping he would say them in return just felt so silly now. She realized how much he showed it in everything he did. There wasn't a doubt in her mind about the way that he felt.

But something was wrong. She couldn't describe the look on Finn's face. She reluctantly brought her hands down from his face and hair and tried bracing for whatever was to come. She had experienced her share of disappointments lately, and she become accustomed to things ending badly. But this was not the case with Finn; he was supposed to be different. Finn said that he would never hurt her.

This is why it cut her so deeply when, with a deep sigh, he finally said, "I don't."


	22. The Impossible

**A/N: Getting so much love in the reviews ^.^ Once again shoutout to Maddi for being the best ever and MarissaWindfee for being absolutely wonderful and to an old friend who stumbled into me on here ElphieIsTheShiz **

**I'm not completely sure how it works, but is there anyone willing to be my beta? I've been rereading some old chapters and making corrections, and I noticed I made a lot of mistakes and it kind of ruins the effect of the story. **

**Just to clarify, I wasn't apologizing for posting late in the last two (cuz I posts when I wants fools), it's just that I didn't mean to write something so sad on Valentines day. Dang it this was too long. Hehe love you all.**

* * *

His mind was a muddled sea of chaos and he was drowning in it. Thoughts were running through the front of his mind so fast that they couldn't even register. He took a sigh and tried to catch up with one.

What had just happened? She _loved_ him? How could this be?

His heart soared a million miles above the earth and he didn't know if he could ever come down. He wanted to hold her so tight, but at the same time he wanted to run far away and scream it from the mountain tops. So strong were the words that he was sure he would have a heart attack.

But wait. He was her exact opposite; she was so bold, so brave, so beautiful. She couldn't possibly love him. She was beauty and he was the beast.

Finn couldn't let her do this to herself, He couldn't let her anger her dads. He had told her that he would do anything so that she could get better; and maybe her dads were right, she _had_ gotten too attached. Ever since they had fallen in love, which he was sure that's what this was, he had only made things harder for her.

But she was a rising star, and she didn't need an anchor keeping her so close to the earth.

Here he was, faced with a choice. Would he rip the band-aid off now and tell her they couldn't be, that he was no good for her? Could he do the unthinkable and break her heart?

Or would he tell her the honest-to-God truth: that he was in love with her and he could never feel so deeply in love- so tethered to anyone ever again. Could he be selfish and put himself before her like that? She had literally _ruined_ him for anyone else, ever.

He said that he would never hurt her, and this was him keeping that promise.

She would get over him in time, she would be okay. Her big New York City dreams would occupy and eventually fill the hole that he had left in her heart. He was a Lima Loser, she couldn't possibly love him. He had to stop this now; he was foolish for letting it go so far.

"I don't love you." He finally repeated. He couldn't look at her. If he looked into the windows to her soul all he would have seen was emptiness, brokenness.

Rachel was so confused. Did he not understand how much she loved him? She knew for a fact that he wasn't telling the whole truth. What was he doing?

"Finn," she tried to get him to look at her, but he only moved farther away. "Finn, what are you doing?" the tears began to well up in her eyes; they stung her eyes and choked her throat.

Finn hardened his heart as he turned further away from her, this was the most impossible thing he would ever do in his life.

"Rachel, I thought that we felt the same way about each other- but it's- it's just infatuation." His voice came out cold and hard.

"What are you doing Finn?" she repeated the question. The familiar words were all that she could get out at a time like this.

"I don't feel anything for you Rachel." He continued with his lie and she couldn't figure out why he would do this.

Rachel let out a strangled sob that cut through his heart so deeply he wasn't sure he could continue. "Finn- don't lie to me. I know how you feel." she put her fingers to her lips to show him what she meant. "Why are you doing this to me?" Her voice came out shrill and shaky. Finn still couldn't look at her. He was stabbing the knife not only through her, but stabbing it through his own heart and twisting.

She reached out for him and he avoided her once more.

"I thought I did but that- just now, I didn't feel what I thought I did. Maybe we just have a lot in common so I mistook that for love."

"Is this about my dads? Finn I know you're lying. Don't do this to me, please." She began to shake as she pleaded with him.

"Rachel don't make this harder than it has to be." Finn felt cold all over, he didn't want her to look at him. He didn't deserve for her to even look at him, he didn't want to give himself away by the trail of tears running down his face. He was going to break and take her in his arms once again if he couldn't hold it together.

"Stop lying to me Finn. What is this about?" She stood up and yelled at him. She turned her sorrow into anger and was using it as a weapon against him. He couldn't say a word. His heart had gone from utter joy to pure despair so quickly that he was sure he would die from the shock.

"We don't have to listen to them, Finn! Please, can you just stop doing whatever they tell you to do? I know what you are doing; I know that you love me. We don't need their blessing; can we please just be together, Finn? Please?" She was barely understandable now, her whole body was wracked with hysteria.

"You're not just doing this to me, you're doing this to yourself. You're part of me, Finn, you have so much more in me to kill now."

Finn couldn't answer her, she knew exactly what he was doing and that only made it so much worse. She would never forgive him.

"Is this about a football scholarship?" she said, disgust creasing her brow and setting fire to the remaining pieces of what was once Finns heart. She couldn't honestly think that he would let something so meaningless get in the way of the miracle of what they had. Sure, he loved football and it was his only real hope for a future, but _everything_ paled in comparison to her. Why did she believe so easily?

Rachel sucked in her last real breath and hardened her own heart.

"I know how hard this is for you, and I don't know why you are doing this, but if you really hate me that much you're never going to have to deal with me again."

He heard her shoes click away from him and heard her hand pause on the doorknob.

"Rachel." He said quietly.

She whipped around, one last shred of hope filling her veins. "Finn?" her voice rose.

"Just promise me that you will talk to your therapist." He was now turned completely away from her.

"I don't owe you anything." She said miserably as she pushed the door open, and walked right out of his life.


	23. Lies to Stay Alive

**A/N: You all know the drill, review please! :D**

* * *

"What the hell is wrong with you, dude?"

Finn knew that he was taking off his workout clothes and shoving them into his locker, but he couldn't feel himself doing it. He couldn't feel anything.

"Dude?" Pucks fingers appeared in front of him, snapping him out of the haze.

"Uh- sorry. I was just thinking." Finn mumbled.

"You've been acting like somebody stole your PMS pills or something. And your game frickin' sucks."

He knew that Puck was just trying to show him that he cared without coming off like a wuss, but it really wasn't helping. He just rolled his eyes and ignored him.

"You know you're only proving me right by ignoring me, right? You have to talk eventually, dude." Puck snorted as Finn shot him a puzzled look. Puck _never_ gave a crap, and on the rare occasion that he did, everyone knew that there was something to genuinely be concerned about.

Finn relented and gave Puck a small smile as a sort of thanks; he knew what a big deal it was for him to even mention it. Puck just shrugged and sauntered off, leaving Finn alone with his thoughts.

Finn had to be with other people before he went to that dangerous place, and it had only been a few days. He had always wondered what it would be like to be the hero character in a zombie apocalypse from one of those badly animated late-night television shows. But right now all he knew was what it felt like for the Zombie: lifeless, cold, empty, colorless.

Finn walked out of the locker room, past her locker, and past the school's main office, which would inevitably be holding his acceptance letter with his scholarship one of these days. _That's right, football is the reason. I couldn't have felt anything. It was just football._

Finn let the lying voices in his head drown out the truth as he finally fell into sleep at three o'clock in the morning.

* * *

Rachel breezed through the doorways to the high school three days late, like it was just another sunny day. Which it was, because nothing was wrong and she hadn't a care in the world, right? She popped right into the conversation with her friends like nothing was different. She had been absent too many times for them to notice anything, or so she thought. As soon as the conversation strayed in her direction she deflected it by changing the subject. She could do this; soon she wouldn't even remember his name.

She was taken aback at how the thought popped into her head unexpectedly, but she brushed it off and ran to class as fast as it took to distract her from the mess of her life.

Everything was good.

* * *

She was laughing now in the hallways, which had to be a good sign. But she always had been a good actress. No matter how hard he tried to keep her from flitting to the forefront of his mind, he would always be watching out for her, no matter what. No matter how many weeks it had been, years even.

He turned around to let his forehead fall against the locker so that he wouldn't have to breathe her in as she walked by. No one would ever hear his harsh whisper of, "What are you doing to me?" Every soft note of her laughter, every misplaced curl he couldn't fix, every time she passed him in the hallways it pierced his heart in new ways.

Her giggle died somewhere down the hallway, and he wondered just how okay she really was. He turned around and his feet carried him a few steps before he stopped in his tracks and turned around. He had to- it was physically impossible not to- she was a magnet pulling him towards her. He took a few more steps before punching a nearby locker. He recoiled in pain and held his hand as he glared at the few disapproving faces around him. He didn't care right now, he just took off at a sprint in the direction he had last seen her.

It was after school, so she must be going home or going to Glee or something. The first logical place to look would be the choir room, and he wasn't sure if he should be relieved or not to find she wasn't there. Finn wasn't quite sure why he wanted to follow her, the need was just there and he decided he would go with it. He headed towards the doors to the parking lot, the ones that she normally went out of. But he was too late; he headed out the doors and didn't see her anywhere. A few of her friends were hanging around without her, so she must have gone home.

He turned around to head back to his locker when a little glint of light caught his eye. He casually walked past it at first, and it wasn't until he gave it a second thought that he realized what it was. He immediately snapped back around and searched the bulletin board.

There it was, the classic Rachel Berry gold star sticker was what had called out to him. Even just seeing her familiar handwriting had a dizzying effect on him. He tore his eyes away from her neat signature long enough to scan what it was printed on. It was a sign-up sheet for the auditorium, of course, and the time it was signed out for was _now_. Finn grinned at his change of luck and took up a sprint once more to make it there before she left.

He didn't know exactly what he was doing right now; let alone what he was going to do when he got there. Maybe he was just in withdrawal and he needed another hit.

* * *

Rachel shut the doors to the auditorium behind her and leaned against it in relief. She tore that plastic smile she had reserved for social occasions right off of her face and replaced it with the truth. She sighed from deep within her heart and let her feet carry her to one of her favorite places on earth, the stage.

Finally, she was alone. But that didn't mean she was free to stop lying. She needed that wall around her heart to shield even herself from what was lying broken inside.

Singing was her release, and she would launch into it as soon as she could remember the words that phrased so perfectly what she was going through. It was okay to sing about it, because those were someone else's words. It wasn't her fault that songwriters just knew her life.

Rachel stood at center stage, where it felt most natural, and just let it out. She started quiet at first, and let it build with her emotions. Reality flooded back, she could deal with it for now.

_I've been ignoring this big lump in my throat  
I shouldn't be crying  
Tears were for the weaker days, I'm stronger now  
Or so I say, but something's missing_

Just like the words, the tears began to fall freely. She didn't want to acknowledge them because that would mean that she had accepted what was happening.

_Whatever it is, it feels like it's laughing at me  
Through the glass of a two-sided mirror  
Whatever it is, it's just laughing at me  
And I just wanna scream_

They hadn't talked in over three weeks. They hadn't even glanced at each other. She was pretty sure that Finn had even asked to be moved in all of his classes because he now seemed to be as far away from her as he could possibly be. He didn't love her, she was just his plaything. He was selfish, he wanted some scholarship over her.

_What now, I just can't figure it out  
What now?_

So much had been thrown at her. Did life feel like she could really deal with yet another blow? How could he do this to her? He had waited until she was vulnerable and then pulled the rug out from underneath her.

_I guess I'll just wait it out, wait it out  
What now, what now?_

She would be strong one day, maybe one day she would forget him. He would never know the extent of her love, he couldn't even comprehend it because his had never existed.

_I found the one, he changed my life  
But was it me that changed  
And he just happened to come at the right time  
I'm supposed to be in love but I'm numb again_

Rachel's sobs intensified at the complete truth of her words. She had been walking back and forth across the stage, but her legs gave way underneath her. She crumpled to the floor and continued in a heartbreaking voice.

_Whatever it is, it feels like it's laughing at me  
Through the glass of a two-sided mirror  
Whatever it is, it's just sitting there laughing at me  
And I just wanna scream_

Rachel threw her head back as if she was really going to scream, every emotion was ripping through her at a million miles a minute.

_What now, I just can't figure it out  
What now, I guess  
I'll just wait it out, wait it out  
What now, please tell me, what now_

She had dared to call him once, a week ago. She didn't know if she had gone crazy, but his reply was just what she had expected: nothing. She wasn't going to let anyone play around with her anymore. She was Rachel freakin' Berry.

_There's no to call cause I'm just playing games with them all_

_The more I swear I'm happy the more that I'm feeling alone_

_Cause I spend every hour just going through the motions_

_I can't even get the emotions to come out_

_Dry as a bone but I just want to shout_

She knew that her friends were just trying to be helpful, but they couldn't believe her so easily when she said she was okay. She was so far from okay she didn't even recognize the word. She was just so numb, nothing meant anything but this.

_What now, I just can't figure it out  
What now, I guess  
I'll just wait it out wait it out  
What now, somebody tell me, what now_

_I don't know where to go_

_I don't know what to feel_

_I don't know how to cry_

_I don't know-oh-oh why_

Rachel repeated each word, meaning every single one. She raised her head to the sky, shouting a genuine question at the one person she hoped would have all the answers.

_So what now?_

Rachel finished and sat sobbing on the floor for a few more minutes. She got up, fixed her dress, and plastered on her smile as she walked out of the building.

Finn slipped out of the auditorium undetected, and with a single tear streaked down one side of his face. He had seen the truth. He was the cruelest person in the world.

* * *

**Disclaimer: Song is What Now by Rihanna, which I do not own. **

**Wouldn't it be awesome if Rachel sang this though?!**


	24. Distractions

**A/N: It's been way too long! My internet was out :( Another one coming ****_soon_****, I promise! Wishing you a very busy Glee hiatus :D**

* * *

Finn wiped the sweat from his brow and let out a giddy chuckle at how revved up he was, he hadn't been this happy in a long time. The rest of the band high-fived each other as he threw his drum sticks down and joined them to discuss their final set.

Finn hadn't been doing much of anything but moping around lately, so when a one of the guys from the team told them that his uncles bar needed a band to play a gig for the night he had jumped at the opportunity. Wailing on the drums in front of an enthusiastic crowd had him feeling higher than he had in a long time. Images of Rachel's soft lips flashed through the forefront of his mind before the smile faded from his face and he crawled back down from his high and back into himself. He shook it off and focused on the regroup.

They ran through a final song-selection before some of the guys settled at the bar to drink sodas; fake ID's wouldn't work now with the bar being owned by a relative and all. "_At least this isn't the same bar, the same bar that Zach…."_ As more painful memories flashed through Finns mind he couldn't help but wish that his cold coke was a cold _jack _and coke. Just forget the coke, there was no better a time for a stiff drink than now.

He had promised her that he would never _ever_ hurt her. He thought that he was proving how much she mattered to him by putting her needs before his love. He thought that this was his way of keeping that promise but lately he couldn't have felt more wrong about his decision. The way that she had sang in the auditorium, that wasn't the way someone who was feeling _okay_ sang. Finn realized with a start that had never actually heard her voice before that, and now that he had there was absolutely no falling out of love with her.

She was right; there had been more in both of them to kill because she had become part of him. She was so intertwined into everything that he was that just living without her was like cutting off one of his own limbs. Everything was doubly painful now that he experienced not only his own heartbreak, but hers. It killed him to see the kind of pain that she was in. He shouldn't have lied; he shouldn't have cared about what her fathers said. Love was not only about the emotions but about actions, and he should have fought to keep what was rightfully his. It would have been selfish to add more complications to their relationship, especially when he just felt like an anchor attached to her bright star. _"But it was what I should have done." _He thought grimly as he took another pull at his coke.

He had tried pretending that he truly didn't love her, but obviously that wasn't working. He would just have to distract himself in any way possible, at least until the pain was gone. Some days it felt like it would never pass. Finn leapt up from the bar stool and joined the rest of his band mates who were getting ready for their last set. It looked like this would have to be his distraction for now.

The gig was over, but Finn didn't feel as excited as he did before now that he had hashed everything over in his brain again. He stepped down from the mini-stage with the rest of his band mates and began to pack his drums into Mikes van. Mike and he were about as close to good friends as Finn could really come these days, and as Mike followed him to the van with his guitar Finn dreaded having to come into more social contact.

"That was pretty cool, wasn't it?" Mike said as he approached, "You stopped frowning and dragging yourself around for once, you looked pretty happy."

Finn groaned inwardly; couldn't everyone just leave him alone with his thoughts and his drums? "Uh, yeah, I guess I enjoy it a lot." Finn managed to mumble out.

"Hey, I was thinking. I hear you sing along sometimes during band practice, why don't you join the Glee club? You're pretty good, dude."

Finn groaned out loud this time, eliciting a weird look from Mike. "I'm kind of an outcast as it is, if you haven't noticed. I'm not going to purposely make things harder for myself my joining some nerd club." Finn rolled his eyes, not wanting to reveal his true reason for avoiding the club.

Mike just put his hands up and shrugged defensively. "Come on, it was just a suggestion. I thought it was really lame at first until me and Tina started going out and she convinced me to join. You've certainly been looking like shit lately, and I thought maybe doing something you love would help you get over whatever you're going through. Just think about it?"

Finn scoffed in disgust, "You obviously have no idea what I'm going through if you think singing about my emotions or some crap is going to make me feel better."

Mike raised an eyebrow; he was starting to get irritated. "We're not blind, Finn. You might not think so because you never bother talking to us anymore, but you actually have friends who notice what's going on. " Mike took a deep sigh and prepared his closing statement. "All I know is, you used to hang around that girl, and now you don't, and you look like hell."

Finn snapped his head up from what he was doing just in time to see Mike spin around on his heel and walk away. He was genuinely surprised that Mike actually knew what he was talking about. His mention of Rachel gave him this weird pain in his chest, so he pushed it down just like he did with everything else he felt lately. Mikes words would stay with him for the next few weeks.

* * *

"So- effectively, what you are trying to tell me is that you have been bullied for most of your school career, you were in an abusive relationship, this same abusive ex tried to strangle you, and this is the _worst_ thing that has ever happened to you?" Ms. Pillsbury's flamy hair moved with her as she shook her head in astonishment.

Rachel looked away to ward off the sting of the doctors blunt words. Weren't psychiatrists supposed to nod at whatever you said and give you sage advice and pills? "Yes, I think?" Rachel responded hesitantly.

Ms. Pillsbury leaned in to quietly ask Rachel a very private question. "Rachel, are you in love with this boy?"

Rachel backed as far as she could into the plush armchair that she was seated in as a tint of crimson crept into her cheeks. She would rather be anywhere but here. She tried pressing herself into the corner of the chair, and when that didn't work she decided she would have to answer the question. "I think I might have loved him, but he obviously doesn't return the sentiment." Rachel spat out bitterly.

"You say loved as in _past tense_. So why are you still so torn up about this five weeks later, Rachel?" Ms. Pillsbury gave Rachel another one of her invading looks as Rachel tried looking around the room, hoping the question would disappear.

"I broke the rules. We weren't supposed to get attached to each other. He wanted me to learn to be my own confidence and I think I accidentally started depending on him instead of myself, but it won't ever happen again." She said exhaustedly, there had been far too much serious talk today for her liking.

Ms. Pillsbury nodded in comprehension and scribbled something in her notepad. "That's a very good answer, Rachel. I'm glad that you understand that, you're very wise for your age." She smiled.

Rachel frowned even more and glanced over at the clock, hoping it would distract her from thinking about an answer. She couldn't help but thinking that Finn was the wise one, it was him that gotten her out of a bad relationship in the first place, and he made the rules. But that was before she hated him like she did now. "Ms. Pillsbury, would you mind if we talked about something else? I really would rather not continue talking about this." Rachel said in a polite but pained manner.

"Actually, I think that's enough for today, Rachel. You've been very good about talking to me lately and I appreciate that. I don't want you to stop opening up now; we have so much to get through." She flashed her teeth at Rachel and stood up. She smoothed her skirt over and offered a distracted Rachel a hand out of the chair.

Rachel was so deep in thought that she almost didn't notice that she was supposed to be going now. She hadn't mean to follow Finns last words to her, but maybe he was so deep in her subconscious that she had actually _wanted_ to open up to Ms. Pillsbury. It's not even like these sessions were making her feel better. She had stopped her weekly song cover uploads because she just didn't care anymore; she couldn't take the cheerleaders making fun of her anymore. Normally she just brushed them off because she knew she was destined to be a star and they were just jealous, but lately she had convinced herself that they were right. She was just a little girl with big city dreams. She had even skipped a few Glee practices in the weeks after Finn had left her so shattered. She only sung to herself these days, and they were all sad songs. She wasn't good enough for anything, not even for Finn to love her back.

She couldn't help but feel like she was being slowly strangled by her life closing in on all four sides. She fell asleep every night fingering the small sliver of a scar that Zach had left on her neck before falling asleep to more nightmares.

* * *

Rachel's dads snuck up to her bedroom that night to see how she was doing. They were surprised to see that she was turning and tossing again, to the point that her blankets were almost all on the floor. They remembered how she used to smile in her sleep. Hadn't Ms. Pillsbury expressly called them to tell them how well she was doing in her sessions? What was missing, shouldn't she be okay now? They thought that by now she would be feeling good enough for the bad dreams to stop, but maybe they had misplaced the reason for her smile in the first place.


	25. Drizzle

**A/N: Thanks everyone, for everything :) review, review!**

"Pshh, join the Glee club." Finn muttered sarcastically to himself as he passed the empty choir room. He wasn't sure that he meant it, he mostly said it to cover the overwhelming feelings he got when he remembered picking her up here after school. He sped up his strides to get out of this particular hallway and just get into his truck so he could speed home. He was already a little bit late from trying to distract himself in the gym.

He pulled his hoodie up as he noticed the light drizzle that had started up outside. He jogged to his car to avoid getting wet before the rain really started in. As soon as he slammed his rusty car door shut, a flash of lightning ripped the sky as if some sort of signal for the clouds to start the _real_ downpour. Droplets flung themselves from the sky with such force that they sprayed across his windshield every time they landed there. He started up the car and backed out of the school slowly, his mom would kill him if he drove recklessly in such bad weather. The heat started to kick in after a minute and started to fog the windshield slightly.

If he hadn't been driving so carefully, he would have been too zoned out to notice the small sopping figure by the side of the road. He argued with himself in his mind about whether to pick them up or not. The road was so close to the school that it had to be a student or a teacher who was unaware of the rain when they had set off. Another rumble of thunder made up his mind as he slowed down to pull over and ahead of the stranger who walked a little bit faster towards his truck. They were wearing an obviously soaked dark blue cardigan, but he still couldn't tell who it was as they approached the car from behind. He reached over to pop the door open and turned his head towards the console to turn the heat up. A small squeak of surprise caught his attention as he turned to see a drowned looking Rachel framed by the truck door.

Finns own mouth dropped open to match hers as she continued standing there in the rain, getting her and his truck even wetter. _Oh crap,_ Finn thought, as well as some other things he was not proud of. "Uh, come on!" Finn finally managed to get out as she still stood there, looking like she was making the biggest decision of her life. She finally hopped up and squelched into his seat, shivering at the sudden influx of heat. Neither of them could look the other in the eye as they sat there awkwardly. Finn pulled his now dry sweatshirt off his back and held it out to Rachel. She hesitated reaching out to grab it, but finally she let her own basic needs override the discomfort of the situation. She pulled her drenched cardigan off of her tiny frame and opened the window a crack to try and squeeze out the water. Her efforts finally proved futile so she threw it next to her and pulled Finns sweatshirt over the rest of her wet clothes.

Finn had been watching this whole display, and he was snapped out of the trance when Rachel finally turned to him and coughed sarcastically, as if to ask what he was doing. He quickly fumbled with the keys and got going on the road again.

They didn't say anything to each other, but Finn had a hard time keeping his eyes on the road and he hoped to God she couldn't tell. He didn't know how she still managed to smell so good when she was soaked in rain and sitting in his musty car. He allowed his thoughts to focus on her more than he normally would, she was sitting right there for goodness sakes. _"What was I thinking? We're going to graduate in a little under two months and we're never going to see each other again. I never should have started anything, she's way better off without me. She probably doesn't even miss me half as much as I miss her." _Finn sighed and chewed on his lip. He glanced over at her and she was tracing raindrops on the window. He missed her so much.

The silence was eating him up inside and they had only been in the car together for a matter of minutes. He absentmindedly reached over to flip on the radio when the static came on rather loudly and he awkwardly smacked at the volume dial. Rachel just sighed and tried moving farther away if it was possible.

Finn finally got a handle on the volume and he tuned into the first radio station he found. He immediately recognized the classic rock song as it filled car, but it didn't quite register with him that he should probably change it. "Hey! I was born to love you, with every single beat of my heart. Yes, I was born to take care of you-" Finn quickly changed the station before he was exposed to further embarrassment. He wasn't quite sure what song it was but Rachel seemed to flinch as it crackled on. "Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more." the lyrics filled the car with even more awkwardness as Finn finally gave up and just turned the whole thing off. Silence and tension once again hung in the air and it weighed down on both their hearts until it hurt.

Finn nervously tapped on the steering wheel, trying to find something to do with his hands. What did people normally do with their hands when they drove? He genuinely couldn't seem to remember right now. He inwardly breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Rachel's street coming up ahead. He was sad to see her go because he hadn't been so close to her in so long, but he couldn't stand being around her if she believed the lies that he had told her. Finn wasn't sure if he was imagining things or if she had become even more beautiful in their time apart. He wanted to pull over right there and show her exactly how he truly felt about her; but he couldn't give in now that he had managed to be away from her for so long. "_Stay away_." The words echoed through his head again in the voice of her dads.

He pulled up by her house and looked around the car awkwardly, not wanting to meet her eyes. When it appeared that she wasn't going to get our right away Finn finally turned towards her and just said, "I'm sorry." even before he realized what he was doing. She looked down at her hands in her lap and mumbled out a quick "Yeah." Rachel sat there playing with her hands before whispering her thanks and hurriedly opening the door and sprinting across her lawn. She had left in such a rush that Finn had no time to call out after her; she had forgotten that she was wearing his sweatshirt. Finn couldn't decide if he should go up to her house and ask for it back, or just forget about it and hope that maybe it would make her miss him just the tiniest bit. His resolve was wearing thin, he needed her so badly. He finally decided to go with the latter and sped off towards his own house.

**Disclaimer: Songs are Born To Love You by Queen and A Thousand Years by Christina Perri. I don't own them!**


	26. Born To Love Her

**A/N: To my loyal followers *since the beginning* FinchelFan728, Amybf19, Noro, Madisynn, you guys are what keeps me going :D**

* * *

Rachel was surrounded by Finns musky scent, it made her feel at home and it reminded her of all those times that he had made her whole body tingle when he got real close. She missed him, and not even their current distance could change the way they had once been. No matter how strictly she forbade herself from thinking about him, she had to. It made absolutely no sense but he was her escape, he always had been. She pulled her head up out of his hoodie and rolled over on her bed to check the time. It was far too late to be up, she couldn't let herself get sick any more from staying up late or being out in the cold for too long. It had been one miserable sick and sleepless night ever since he was gone, but she would have one of the best nights of sleep in a long time as she was curled up in his hoodie.

Finn, on the other hand, would spend another two sleepless nights of tossing and turning before he made up his mind. He had known exactly wanted the second she had stepped into the frame of his truck door. He hopped out of bed early the next morning and dialed Mike's number.

* * *

Rachel strolled into Glee club a few minutes late. Her friends shot her looks but she just shook them off as she took her new place towards the back of the choir room. She looked around her and felt relieved that it would only be a few more months until she would be taking that greyhound on the New York City line. Mr. Schuester had already begun the lesson before she came in, so it surprised her to hear what he was saying when she finally tuned in, "and so he's going to audition for you now and then you can all vote on letting him join or not." Rachel sat up straight as her hand shot up. "Excuse me, Mr. Schue, I couldn't help but hear you say that you're trying out a _new member? _We can't have new people coming this late in the year, we have nationals coming up and we can't risk our chances of winning." Rachel was alarmed at the concern in her voice, she had forgotten how much she actually cared about this stuff. Mr. Schuester nodded in agreement, "I think you're right Rachel, but you might just find that he's pretty good."

Rachel scoffed and crossed her arms in annoyance before Santana shot her a look. "Um, excuse me? Yeah you, man hands or whatever your name is." Santana stood up from her seat and gestured towards Rachel. "Where do you get off giving _anyone_ attitude about Glee? You've been shuffling around here like the walking dead, crapping on _everybody's_ parade and not contributing anything! As much as I hate to admit it, you're actually kind of talented and you can't just shut it off when we need it most just because you lost your favorite reindeer sweater. ?" Rachel didn't even bother turning around to address the Latina while she was revved up like this. She set her jaw and looked straight forward as Mr. Schuester scolded Santana. Mr. Schuester finally opened the door as the music started playing. Mike jumped up and began dancing along as the new guy danced his way into the room and made her heart stop.

Finn bounced his leg nervously as he waited outside in the hallway. He thought he heard Rachel's voice inside for a minute but he couldn't be sure. This better work; he wanted her back so badly, he just wanted to be near her if he couldn't have that. Before he knew it, Mr. Schue opened the door and the music had started playing. He danced his way into the room with as much confidence as he could muster, but he got a little tripped up when he saw the shocked look on Rachel's face. He and Mike had been practicing all week, and Finn had needed every second of practice he could get since he wasn't a very good dancer. At first Mike seemed unsure about his sudden decision to join, but he came to just accept it and he seemed to be enjoying the way their hard work paid off as they danced side by side.

Finn had chosen this song specifically to send a message; and it also helped that it was a pretty awesome song. Rachel's jaw dropped even further as he began to sing the first words.

_I was born to love you  
With every single beat of my heart  
Yes, I was born to take care of you _

_Every single day…_

He tried to avoid Rachel's gaze as he looked around at everyone else in the room. They seemed to be pretty pleased with his performances which boosted his confidence even more. He walked right past Rachel's chair and walked in a circle around her, causing several raised eyebrows in the room.

_I was born to love you  
With every single beat of my heart  
Yes, I was born to take care of you  
Every single day of my life _

He couldn't tell if Rachel was furious or sad or just confused right now. Maybe he should have taken a softer approach.

_You are the one for me  
I am the man for you  
You were made for me  
You're my ecstasy  
If I was given every opportunity  
I'd kill for your love_

He meant every word, but maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe he should have talked to her first.

_So take a chance with me  
Let me romance with you  
I'm caught in a dream  
And my dream's come true  
It's so hard to believe  
This is happening to me  
An amazing feeling  
Comin' through _

Now that he was thinking about it, this was actually just crazy. As dumb as he felt in these moments he just decided to go with it and make the most of it. At least he was here, with her.

I wanna love you  
I love every little thing about you  
I wanna love you, love you, love you  
Born - to love you  
Born - to love you  
Yes I was born to love you  
Born - to love you  
Born - to love you  
Every single day - of my life

He looked right into Rachel's eyes and finally just dropped the act and sang right to her.

I love you babe  
Yes I was born to love you  
I wanna love you, love you, love you  
I wanna love you  
I get so lonely, lonely, lonely

Finn only heard the generous applause from a distance as he was chasing Rachel out the door.


	27. Pretty Sweet

**A/N: This shout out goes to all those who have just started reading and love :***

* * *

Rachel ran so fast that she had reached the parking lot before Finn was able to catch up with her and grab her wrist, spinning her into him. Rachel took a generous step back like she had been burned, there were tears welling in her eyes and all Finn wanted to do was hold her once more. He slowly reached out a hand to comfort her, not wanting to startle her; but before Finn even knew what was happening her sadness turned to anger and she lashed out at him, "What in the hell are you thinking Finn?"

Finn had no idea what to say, he stood there with his mouth open feeling like the dumbest guy in the world. He could only say the first thing that came to mind: the truth. "I wasn't thinking."

She shoved her fingers through her dark amber hair and looked down at the ground. She was silent for a minute before looking back up at him, with more tears welling in her eyes. "That's the thing Finn. You don't _think_. You just do the first thing that comes to your mind and you think that makes it right. Well you know what? The hard choices aren't always the right ones. Your choice to humiliate me in front of a whole room full of my friends might have seemed heroic when it first came to you, but if you had thought it through you would have realized how much pain I'm already in."

Finn pressed his fingers to his temple, trying to ease the oncoming head ache that he had brought on himself. "You're saying that because you know that I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you go, aren't you? I can _never_ tell you how sorry I am. I will _never_ deserve your forgiveness but Rachel you _have_ to know how much I-"

"No, Finn. No." Rachel cut him off. "You were right, I needed to focus on myself and realize how much I matter. And I _do_ matter Finn, and that's why I'm done with boys who don't treat me right. I'm done with the mind games and being pushed around and the indecision and- and Finn-" Rachel looked him right in the eye and pounded her first on her open hand. "I've had enough. " She said firmly.

Rachel turned to open her car door when Finn caught her hand and gently spun her around once more. "I've had enough, Finn!" She yelled at him before she saw the look in his eye, but once she did all the anger instantly left her body. There were tears in his eyes now as he opened his mouth to speak. "I will _never_ deserve a second chance from you, Rachel. _Never_." Finn sniffed back the tears as he gently removed his hand from hers. "But if I don't try now I won't ever be able to forgive myself. I'm literally begging you; I meant every word I said in that song."

"Why now, why after all these weeks? You wouldn't even let me talk to you." Rachel's voice was strained with emotion.

"Because, Rachel, no matter what you believe _I love you_. I was being a coward; I thought too lowly of myself before to admit it." Rachel's eyes went wide at his confession of the truth that she realized she had known in her heart all along. "I wasn't playing mind games, I did what I did because _I love you_. Now I know that I could never be your anchor."

Rachel scoffed at his confession. She was surprised and confused about why he hadn't told her he felt this way earlier. "Is that what you thought you were to me?" She tried to catch his eye. "An anchor?" She moved into his field of vision so that he was forced to look at her. He finally just nodded.

Rachel looked pained as she started to stray back to her car once more. She leaned back against it and bit her lip as she tried to sort it all out in her mind. She was still angry; goodness knows it would be a while until she could fully forgive him, if ever. She knew he was being completely sincere right now, but she wasn't even sure if she could take him back again. There were so many things to consider with New York and Broadway and figuring out his dream somewhere in the mix. There was also that thing where he had _lied_ to her when she was most fragile. And besides, she couldn't just forgive him so easily, she had to let him pay for what he did. He had to work for her if he really wanted her back.

All Finn could think was how amazing she looked with her long hair blowing lightly in the breeze, her legs looking like they never ended in another one of her tiny skirts she loved to wear despite the chilly weather. He needed her so badly; she _had_ to take him back.

"I can't think about this now." Rachel finally said as she opened her car door and slid in. She looked up at him and smiled uneasily as she put the keys in the ignition.

"That's completely fair. I'll guess I'll talk to you later then." Finn said honestly as he closed her door for her. "Hey, Rach?" He said just as she was about to back out of the space. Her head shot up at him at the use of her old nickname. "I'm really sorry I embarrassed you in there."

Rachel looked down, unsure if she should say anything or not. "It actually-" She began and stopped again, laughing nervously at herself. "It was actually pretty sweet."


	28. Not Yet

**A/N: YAY! It's my spring break so hopefully I will get to write more. I am still reeling over "Stay away from my future wife!" That was by far season fours redeeming moment. **

**I hope you like this because I rewrote it like five hundred times trying to get it right. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE ANGST. Haha, okay I'm done now.**

**Oh but wait, I felt that I should mention I have 69 story follows... because Santana could NOT let me pass that one up. *wanky***

* * *

It was all Finn could do to keep from breaking down and buying her a dozen bouquets delivered right to her door. He couldn't do that yet, he had to know that she was ready. He didn't want to scare her off while he had finally gotten her to even _consider_ being his again.

He moved back to seats nearer to her in all the classes they shared. He arrived to every Glee club practice on time, if not early. He went out of his way to pass her in the hallway and threw her his signature half-smile at every chance he got, but she still seemed caught up, she was still thinking. He had to step it up.

Finn was toying with the combination lock on his locker when he saw Rachel at her own locker down the hallway. He shot her a grin when she brought her head out of her locker and she just looked at him. She wasn't smiling back, but then again she didn't look slightly mad at him like she usually did. She looked pretty neutral from where Finn was standing; now was as good a time as any to help her pick a side.

Finn strode purposely down the hallways, and Rachel looked like she was trying to shrink into her locker with each step that took him closer to her. Finn noted sadly that the sort of angry defensive look that he had become accustomed to took its place back on her face as he was halfway to her. When he finally reached her he knew that she expected him to say something, but he just leaned up against the lockers next to hers and remained silent. She surprised him by being the first one to break the silence, "Well are you just going to stand there smirking or are you going to tell me what you would like, Finn Hudson?" She said seriously.

"You know, as much as I hate that it's directed towards me, I can't get over how adorable you sound when you're mad." Finn chuckled as he watched her pull more books out of locker.

Rachel pouted slightly, fighting the blush that was threatening to break out over her face. She didn't want to play along, didn't want to give him the idea that she was giving in so soon. As much as she didn't want to encourage him, she summoned the will to flatly ask, "What do you mean?"

"Well, you say your words all proper- like a British school teacher or something. " Finn grinned. "I can always tell if you're upset because you don't shorten your words, you always have to say the full thing. Sometimes you use big words that I can't understand, and it makes my head go all empty and I can't really think." Finn frowned in thought. "You never use slang, either. I don't know, it's like you really want the person you're upset with to get the message loud and clear." Rachel looked at him slightly amazed that he had taken the time to notice such a thing, but there was more. "But the sure way to tell if you're really _really_ upset is if you don't even take the time to notice that stuff. Like the other day when you asked me what 'the hell' was wrong with me I knew I was in trouble because you don't say stuff like that. I never _ever_ want you to be that mad at me ever again and I'm never going to stop being sorry for what I did to you." Finn looked her straight in the eyes, the love was clear there.

Rachel pursed her lips as she looked at him intently, "You already said all this to me, Finn." She fought the urge to return the look until she had to look down to escape it.

He smiled more to himself than to anyone, "The truth is worth repeating."

"Well I'm glad that you are serious." She scrunched her face in thought, "It just gives me more to think about."

* * *

It was the next day that Finn finally had his smile returned from her for the first time in a long time.

A hand slamming her locker loudly in her face was just what Rachel needed to snap out of her reverie. "Now you want to tell me just _what in the hell_ is goin' on, Miss Berry?" Mercedes quipped with one eyebrow cocked and a hand on her hip.

Rachel cleared her throat, "Well I _was_ going to get my lunch until I was so rudely interrupted! You could have taken my hand off!" She said sharply.

Mercedes scoffed, "Now I _know_ it wasn't Finn Hudson you were just battin' your little eyelashes at just now, because if it _was_, I will do _a lot_ more than take his hand off. What are you thinking? This is the same guy that broke your heart! If I have to break your hand too to remind you, don't think I won't hesitate, girl."

Rachel sighed and twisted her mouth to the side, knowing that she had to give up the innocent act. "I don't know, Mercedes, maybe you're right. What he did was _really_ bad." Rachel's eyebrows knitted together in uncertainty, "But he knows that and he's just trying to make things right, why shouldn't I give him a chance? He's been nothing but remorseful and sweet since that performance in the choir room. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him." Rachel let her head rest against the lockers.

"He really did make you happy, I'm not going to deny him that. But what was he thinking while he was gone, while he was ignoring you? He may be sweet now Rachel, but what happens when you two are together again? All I'm saying is that people who aren't around don't make very many mistakes." She shook her head as she placed a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Don't forget that. If he broke if off with you once, who's to say he won't do it again?" Mercedes let it sink in for a moment before she grabbed Rachel's hand and gave a small smile, "but enough seriousness for one day! We can have a Finntervention later. Let's go to lunch and make fun of the cheerios!" She yelled in delight. Rachel smiled as her friend dragged her towards the lunch room. She had forgotten what it felt like to feel so carefree, she missed it now and then when she saw glimpses of it like this.

* * *

"She _did_ smile back at me, right?" Finn thought to himself as he sat in Breadstix feeling _very_ confused. He wouldn't have put it past himself to have imagined the whole thing. This whole drama he had created with Rachel was stressing him out so badly he thought he was going to pop a vein. The subject of his confusion was sitting only a few booths away.

With _Noah Puckerman_ seated across from her of all people.

Anger, jealousy, and bewilderment were only a few of the emotions that Finn had felt when they had strolled through the door and taken their seat. Rachel's casual glance at Finn sent him over the edge. So many thoughts were running through his mind that he was just waiting for his brain to explode.

Why would she even bother giving him the _slightest_ impression that she wanted to be with him if she was just going to go after other guys right in front of him?

Finn didn't know if it was just that she was here on a date, or if it was _who_ she was on a date with that made him angrier. He knew that no one would ever be good enough for Rachel in his eyes, but he could think of _at least_ ten other guys who were better than Puck _and_ who would date Rachel at the drop of a hat.

While most of the 'popular' guys knew that she came with a lot of baggage and that she could be quite a diva at times, it didn't do anything to stop all the locker room talk about what a smokin' body she had.

Didn't she know about Pucks reputation for being a 'hump her and dump her' kind of guy?

Finn couldn't take it, seeing them together was making him sick.

Finn knew that this was _nothing_ compared to what he had done, but it couldn't stop him from feeling so… _used_. If she was trying to teach him a lesson then the message had been received loud and clear. If Finns mother hadn't been there, Puck would already be on the ground with Finns fist in his face, teaching him not to ever mess with his girl.

But still, he knew that _technically,_ Rachel wasn't his.

_Yet_.

* * *

**What do you think ;)**


	29. Stubborn and Mine

**A/N: I don't know what's wrong with me, I rewrote this chapter a bunch of times as well! I just really want to get everything right and give you guys the resolution you deserve. This story is almost over, I'm not really sure how many more chapters there will be but when I have some idea I will tell you. There's going to be an epilogue too. I really really hope you guys are enjoying it. Also, feel free to criticize, as long as it's constructive! :D**

"I'll take the Caesar salad- and- and- um-"

Rachel couldn't seem to shake off Finn's gaze.

"Is the dressing uh- or- organic?" her voice rose in pitch and she felt like she was about to break out in a sweat.

He'd been looking at her like that since she came into Breadstix and she couldn't take it anymore. She didn't know she could feel something so strong from someone who was so far away- literally and figuratively. Rachel couldn't remember ever seeing someone look at her quite like that. It was sort of a combination of the sweet way he looked when he held her and the upset of when she had shut him down.

She knew that the waiter was saying something but she couldn't bring herself out of the tractor beam that was Finn's stare. Puck finally snapped his fingers in front of her and she excused herself to the little girls room in a desperate attempt to get away. She could _feel_ Finns gaze burning into her with every step, and it made the entire trip to the back of the restaurant feel like hours. Images of his lips flashed through her mind as she realized that maybe that was the exact intent of his stares.

Rachel stared at her reflection for a solid minute before splashing cold water on her face. She realized too late that when people did this in movies it was only because they had their makeup people on standby. "What are you doing Rachel?" She said out loud as she patted her face dry with a paper towel.

She tried to sort it all out in her mind, she needed to know where she stood. She definitely wanted Finn back, so what was she making him wait for? Maybe she didn't fully trust his intentions yet, and maybe she wanted him to work a _little_ bit harder, or maybe she was just being stubborn. Her resolve was breaking- every sweet word that he said to her and every smile that he aimed directly at her broke down her defenses just a little bit more. Her friends and her father's unsolicited advice certainly wasn't making her decision an easy one. Speaking of which, since when did Finn decide he didn't care about that anymore? She _wanted_ to give in- the only thing stopping her now was herself.

A single tear broke her from the mist of confusion and almost made its way down her cheek before she brushed it aside with the back of her hand. Rachel Berry was a star; Rachel Berry did _not_ cry in public restrooms, and she _certainly_ didn't talk to herself in the mirror like a crazy person. What was he even doing here? Why did he always have to show up and make her heart go all funny when she thought she was doing okay? She still didn't know why he was looking at her so oddly. She longed, for the millionth time that week, to be able to just run away and leave all her worries and confusion behind. Brushing on some emergency powder and thanking God for her recent preference for waterproof mascara, she squared her shoulders and prepared herself to venture back out into the real world.

What she didn't expect was to run smack into his firm chest as she tried to cover what she had promised herself were to be her final sniffles. This _had_ to be one of her worst nightmares. She was just waiting for a teacher to step out from somewhere and tell her there was a final in a subject she didn't study for. But no, his hand grabbing both of her shoulders confirmed that although strange, this situation was quite real. Finn had been waiting for her outside of the girls bathroom. "Rachel." He snapped, sounding annoyed as he lightly pressed her against the wall, keeping her from running way.

"I do not know what you are trying to achieve, Finn, but I demand you release me immediately. This is totally and completely inappropriate." She flailed for a few seconds before she realized it was pointless, no matter how indignant she felt right now it couldn't outmatch the temper that was in his eyes. "This is assault!" She huffed dramatically as she glanced around, relieved that no one else was in the little hallway that led to the bathrooms. "I don't understand- what do you want from me?" She finally gave in; going slack under the pressure that held her there. He hadn't said a word yet, letting the flames in his eyes and his set jaw do most of the talking.

"What are you doing here with _Puckerman_?" Finn said lowly as he spat out the name with disgust.

Rachel laughed, she _laughed_ at him, only making Finn angrier. Both of her eyebrows shot up, "Are you jealous?" She said, as if it was the funniest thing she had ever heard.

"Are you surprised?" Finn clenched his jaw.

"But Finn, he's-" Rachel bit her lip, deciding to play it up, maybe she wouldn't tell him just _yet_. As much as she wanted to deny it, she was kind of enjoying seeing this side of Finn. She lifted her chin stubbornly and hardened her face to match his. "You have no right to be jealous. You gave me up in a heartbeat, and I bet you kept _yourself_ busy and distracted during those weeks." She said haughtily.

The fire in his eyes rose a little higher. His grip on her tightened to the point where she felt a little bit uncomfortable and he leaned in to whisper harshly to her, "Don't you dare say a thing like that about my love, Rachel. You don't even understand the half of it. You know that I did what I did because I thought I was doing the right thing, but you're just gonna keep making me pay, aren't you?" He was talking in a deep and heated voice, but something told her that maybe he was more angry with himself than with her. She couldn't take his hot breath on her cheek anymore. He was too close for her to handle, and she could smell his cologne wafting off of his neck. She knew that she was probably supposed to be scared right now, but she couldn't help but feel drawn to him with the way he was looking at her. She looked up at him only to realize that she _hadn't_ been looking up at him. Finn smirked when he caught her admiring he recently acquired muscles.

"You're right, I did keep myself busy." He said huskily, his hands still firmly keeping her in place.

Rachel wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"At the gym." He clarified. "It didn't work though, Rachel. You have no idea how hard it is to get you off my mind. Nothing works. " He said almost sadly as he tucked aside a strand of her hair that had been hanging in her face. His fingertips brushed her cheek gently and they both felt the sparks crackling off of their skin at the contact. She had thought she felt his grip on her soften before he suddenly went tense again.

Finn leaned forward just a little bit more so that he was whispering against her lips as his hand trailed down to wrinkle the fabric of her puffy navy dress harshly in his hand. Rachel bit down on her lip hard to keep her from doing anything stupid. "Why'd you have to go and wear my favorite dress on a date with some other guy? I knew you were a tease but I never knew you were cruel, Rachel." He said with a little hint of playfulness under his harsh tone. She looked as beautiful as ever and he resented her for it. Rachel shivered at their proximity, not wanting to relent and play along any longer. She wanted to ask if he _really_ had a favorite dress but she wasn't going to allow herself.

"Finn, he's going to wonder why I'm not coming back." She managed to stutter out, a little more breathily than she would have liked. It was all she could think of to say that would neither discourage _or_ encourage his actions, he couldn't think she was breaking. She stared into his eyes- they were only a few inches from hers. He was being so animalistic and- dare she say, _hot_?. She'd never seen Finn act so harshly with her, and frankly she kind of deserved it with how stubborn and childish she was being. Maybe she shouldn't treat him like this, he had apologized so many times. "Finn-" she started.

He silenced her abruptly with a kiss placed right below her jaw and Rachel gasped in shock.

"What happened to your dad's 'no dating' rule?" Finn growled against her neck as Rachel finally gave in. She wasn't aware of the exact moment she had gone from using her hands to push him away to curling them into his shirt, but all she knew was that it felt like home. She couldn't say why she leaned back to give him better access to her neck, she just needed him back so badly. He was doing crazy things to her heart and making her brain stupid, like he always did; and he couldn't get enough of her. He had wasted far too much time not doing exactly this.

"Mine." He purred quietly against her, almost questioningly. Rachel had wondered if she had even heard him correctly. She wanted to give him a speech about how primitive he was being; about how people don't 'own' each other or maul each other in hallways. She tried to say so, but she just melted under his attention and settled with just "Maybe." as a reply. This really wasn't the time for speeches. She couldn't think clearly anyways- let alone form a coherent sentence with his lips attached to her.

She gave into him for just a minute longer before she decided to let the cat out of the bag. She didn't want to let his warm lips stop doing whatever voodoo magic they were doing to her, but it had to end sometime. She conjured up the strength to speak from somewhere within her fluttering frame.

"Noah is my cousin." She blurted out, trying desperately not to laugh.

Finn withdrew from his attack on her neck just far enough so that she could see the disbelieving look on his face, but still close enough so that he could grazing her neck with his lips.

"We got here before our parents because he drove me." Finn slowly started kissing up along her jaw line, driving her crazy until she could see his face again. "You really think that he would ruin his reputation by telling people?" She said with her head still tilted to the side for him. Finn stopped to direct her face towards his, he froze with his eyes locked on hers. His eyebrows rose slowly, "You. Are. The _devil_." He punctuated each word through gritted teeth as he stared down into the amused look on her face.

The smile faded from Rachel's face as she was worried that she had gone too far. All her fears faded when he began to shake with silent laughter. He let go of her and leaned against the opposite wall, scrubbing a hand on his face as he continued chuckling at her little trick. Rachel laughed nervously with him, biting her nails as she realized what had just happened; what she had just let happen. They had basically just passionately made out- well sort of, in the hallway of a restaurant and she hadn't done anything to stop it. What was _wrong_ with her?

"I cannot believe you!" He said, obviously astounded. "That kind of makes all the times that Puck joined in on the locker room talk about you pretty disgusting. Wouldn't put it past him, though." Finn shrugged, his eyes still smoldering at her. Rachel looked pretty grossed out for a moment before the situation weighed down on her again.

"Finn?" She crinkled her forehead in thought.

"Rach?" He replied, much more tenderly than before.

"This is really confusing for me." She said openly, afraid that maybe she was exposing herself too much.

"You talk to much, shut up and kiss me." He said, a whisper of his harsh voice creeping back in as he stalked towards her.

"Excuse me?" She said, suddenly and unexplainably indignant over something they both knew she wanted to happen.

"You have way too many barriers, Rachel Berry. Put them down and let me in." Finn said, placing a gentle hand on her waist.

A moment passed before Rachel suddenly launched herself at him before she had time to ruin everything again by thinking. She wrapped her arms around him and let that warm blissful feeling into her heart again.

Rachel Berry kissed Finn Hudson with all that she had, and he kissed her back, and she didn't give a crap if anyone saw. She was finally able to shut off her brain and make one of the best decisions of her life, to let Finn love her again. This wasn't exactly the place she had planned on giving in to him, but now that her resolve had broken down, there was no looking back. They kissed for what seemed like hours, but in reality couldn't have been more than a minute.

Finn drew back for air and they both immediately missed the contact. He took one of her hands and used his free hand to caress her face. "In all seriousness Rachel, _I love you_." He gulped, still unsure of where the stood. "I'm not going to listen to what anyone says about us anymore. We can't be just friends, and obviously, being nothing didn't work out." He took a deep breath before he continued. Rachel listening to him intently "I just- I need you, Rach. Be mine?" he said pleadingly.

Rachel looked up at him through her dark eyelashes, squeezing his hand back and wishing this feeling could last forever. All of the heartache, the drama, the tears- it had all led up to this.

She looked down at the floor for a moment, taking it all in. "You love me?" she said hesitantly.

Finn lifted her chin with a finger, scoff lightly at her disbelief, but still understanding why she would be unsure. "I _love_ you." He reaffirmed.

"I love you too." She said confidently.

Finn pulled her in and wasted no time in re-attaching his lips to hers.

"Mine." He said in a husky growl as he marked her skin to show her exactly what he meant.

"Completely." She whispered back breathlessly.

Because as much as she thought she had previously believed it, she had never really _stopped_ being his.

**A/N: **

**What do you think?!**

**So I hope this wasn't _too_ steamy, I tried to keep it classy without going too far... :/ I hope I accomplished that. **

**I was inspired by my favorite quote from Rachel, Kurt and I's favorite movie: Breakfast At Tiffany's, you might have been wondering about the reference there. In the end Peter says to Holly: **

"**You're chicken, you've got **_**no**_** guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, 'Okay, life's a fact. People do fall in love. People do belong to each other because that's the only chance anybodies got for real happiness.' You call yourself a wild thing, a free spirit, and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage! Well, baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself… It's wherever you go because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself."**

**:) just thought I would share my muse.**


	30. Good Day

"Oh sweetie, did you see that Hudson boy on the way in here? If you want to go somewhere else we completely understand." was what Rachel's dad, Leroy, decided to greet her with as she made her way back to the table. She quickly pulled her cardigan up to cover the mark on her neck as she slid into the booth next to her aunt, but not before Noah noticed with a smirk. "How can you be wearing that in here? It's pretty warm for April." Her dad finished. The smirk on Noah's face almost turned into a laugh as a blush spread out over Rachel's face, causing her to kick her cousin under the table.

"I'm fine, Dad." She said, rather annoyed. "Nice to see you too." She added, her eyes flitting to the tall and gorgeous boy (Who had just had his lips all over her) a few tables away.

Finn had left first, knowing that his mom would come looking for him before Puck would worry about Rachel. He fixed his wrinkled shirt and hair and casually walked back to his table, leaving her in the hallway with a few more sweet kisses. Rachel stayed behind to fix her mussed hair and makeup, hoping that her dads hadn't arrived yet.

Over at the other booth Finn and his mom were having almost the exact same conversation, "Finn sweetie, how come you and that Rachel girl have stopped hanging out? You know how much I liked her; please don't tell me you messed things up." His mom said cautiously, stabbing her fork into her lasagna with a frown.

"No, mom." He replied graciously, surprisingly not annoyed with her questions. "I was afraid I had for a while, but actually I think we're going to be just fine." He said with a heartfelt smile that his mom returned. Finn turned around to catch another glimpse of his girl and noticed that her parents had arrived, and Rachel already looked peeved. He shot her a grin and she was able to use it as a lifeline to continue the conversation with her dads. "You treat that girl right." His mother pointed her fork at him and he just smiled.

Leroy had turned to Rachel's aunt to include her in the conversation "Rachel's therapist says she's making a world of progress. She's really learning to depend on herself now that she had no one to interfere with her development. Although, her father and I have noticed that she hasn't been in very high spirits recently, we don't know what that's about." Leroy's sister nodded and her father gave Rachel an appraising glance. Rachel crossed her arms, she was fuming. "As much as I hate to say it, that Finn boy showing his true character and leaving her high and dry might have been just what she needed to open her eyes." He said condescendingly while examining his fingernails.

"That's it!" Rachel slammed both hands down on the table, shaking the silverware and catching not only her family's attention, but a few families nearby as well. "I'm _right here_ Dad! I can hear you!" she said, her voice raised and gritty. "And while we're on the topic, whose fault was it that Finn left, _huh_? Who used _college football_ to blackmail him?" she said angrily. Everyone's jaws dropped at the revelation and at her surprising and uncharacteristic behavior. "That's right 'daddies', _I know_!" At this point, Finn had turned around in his booth with wide eyes and her fathers were trying to calm her down. "Do you want to know why I've been unhappy? Because your stupid little plan to get me to 'love myself' and 'not depend on anyone' actually made me _miserable_." She was shouting now and had stood up at some time during her angry monologue. Her fathers were trying to convince her to sit back down into her seat, not wanting to cause further embarrassment. "No!" Rachel declared stubbornly when they pleaded with her to calm down. "You are both wrong and you need to know it because I'm so fed up with your crap!" she said as her voice raised an octave. "The only reason I've been making any progress through this whole Zach thing is because of him!" Rachel extended an arm and pointed, to everyone's shock, at Finn. "Who do you think was the first to notice what Zach was doing to me when you two were so completely oblivious? Who do you think showed me how much I matter and convinced me that I couldn't let Zach do what he was doing to me? Certainly not either of one of you; and certainly not some therapist! I know that I matter because of him, and no matter how much you think that's wrong you can never justify what you did to us." Rachel was breathing hard now, and her hands were balled up into little fists at her sides.

Finn had stood up when she pointed towards him and he had now made his way over so he was standing at her side. He took her hand and she instantly calmed down. "Mr. Berry's, I think what Rachel is trying to say is that I don't give a damn about Ohio State University." He smiled a counterfeit smile for her dads. "There's somewhere much more important that I belong." He looked down into Rachel's beaming face and squeezed her hand. "You once told me that you would do whatever it takes for Rachel to get better- well you know what, we make each other better and I only hope you can respect that. I respected your wishes for us at first but listening to you has only led me to make the worst possible decisions. We love each other and that's all that matters." Rachel nodded her head as she beamed proudly at her Finn. He turned back to her dads with the most sarcastic look he could muster.

"Good day to you both."

And they both just walked out of the restaurant, hand in hand.

Leaving everyone's jaws hanging slack.

**The end.**

* * *

**A/N: Just kidding, just kidding! It's NOT the end… I'm sorry I just had to do that :D**

**Okay so unless my brain gets a giant plot bunny this story only has about three more chapters left… It's been a great ride, I love you guys so much!**

**This was just a short one, I hope you enjoyed!**


	31. Change Our Minds

**A/N: So proud of Cory, my respect for him has only increased. Somehow it's not hard to believe the rumors that Lea asked him to go, she cares for him so much! Still I'm sad he won't be in the last two episodes :/**

**Hoping he gets better and I hope you enjoy this! Reviews are a must! Cannot say how much I appreciate all of you :)**

**Also, I was thinking of starting a new story and I really want to do a colab so PLEASE message me if ur even the SLIGHTEST bit interested!**

* * *

Rachel and Finn were out of breath from laughter as they fell into his car. "Oh my word, did that really just happen?" she laughed in shocked disbelief as everything finally hit her.

"Oh my gosh, I think my dad's were about to wet themselves! Did you see how everyone was looking at them? They were _so_ embarrassed!" Rachel threw her head back in more fits of laughter and simultaneously tried to shut the car door.

"I don't feel bad, they deserved it!" He said seriously before taking her hand again and squeezing it. They smiled at each other as they wiped the tears of laughter from their eyes and Finn placed a hand on the stick shift. "So, where to?" he said excitedly.

Rachel widened her eyes in surprise at him, "Really?"

"Well, yeah! I mean- I told my mom I would take you home as soon as you started flipping out, she said she would get a ride." Finn took a breath and let the adrenaline flow out of him, "Look Rachel, I don't regret what we did in there, and I never will. But if your dads are like- really really mad at you-"

"Hey." Rachel interrupted softly as she put a hand on his shoulder. "Even if they are mad at me forever and they never look at me again it will be worth it." She leaned in to place a passionate kiss on his mouth before leaning back again, "I don't know how I've lived every day without being able to do that."

"Me neither." Finn smiled his sideways smile as he put the key in the ignition and backed out of the restaurant.

"To anywhere but here!" Rachel threw her hands in the air and squealed in delight as they peeled out of the parking lot and down the road.

* * *

It was several awkward moments before anyone said anything. Hiram had busied himself with fixing the silverware his daughter had disheveled on her way out while Leroy glanced around nervously.

"Well that was fun!" Puck smirked before his mom elbowed him in the rib. "Ow!" he gave his mom a sideways look before he continued seriously, "Look, uncle Leroy, I know that I tend to be a bit of a smart ass, but that doesn't mean I don't know a thing or two. I have _never_ seen your daughter, 'little miss perfect', act like that and if she had to blow up like that, I'm sure she had a perfectly good reason to. It was about time she grew a pair- and I think you only have Hudson to thank for that."

His uncle was about to open his mouth before Puck effectively silenced him. "Just hear me out- I'm getting to the point. That Zach guy- he was a total ass hat, he had Rachel completely whipped. He would beat the crap out her- hard, and I would tell her to get away from him but she would just keep on defending him. That is until Finn came along and somehow broke her out of that douche bags spell. You have no idea how brave he was to even be _near_ Rachel when Zach had that kind of hold on her- did you know that he punched Zach out once? Even I'm scared of Zach, and that's the kind of balls my boy Finn has. He never used to be that way- we did some pretty bad stuff to him and he took it, so he wasn't lying when he said they made each other better. Now I know that you told him to stay away- and he did, you have to respect the guy for that. But when you basically forced him to break her heart when I don't think you knew how much her recovery was due to him." Puck leaned back in the booth, surprised that all of that had just come out of him. Sure, he loved his cousin, he had her back, but he wasn't used to feeling like he actually _cared_ about anyone. Now that he thought about it, he kind of wanted Finn and Rachel to win this one. His mom put a supportive hand on his back and he started feeling super uncomfortable with the situation. He knew he was supposed to feel like a wuss but he could help feeling sort of proud.

Leroy and Hiram were having a silent conversation with each other before they finally turned to Puck. "You're right." Pucks eyebrows shot up. He wasn't used to hearing those two words from adults. He wasn't used to his uncles being ones to change their minds. "We weren't fair to Finn from the beginning. We just thought he was going to be like another Zach so we didn't want to trust him and we certainly weren't going to let him near our little girl."

Puck held up a hand. "Look, I don't mean any disrespect but shouldn't you be having this conversation with Rachel?" His uncles nodded at each other.

"If you can find her." Pucks mom cut in.

* * *

Everything was so beautiful; the birds were singing, the trees were swaying, and the sun was going down over the lake, making the water glitter as it split the sunlight into a thousand pieces.

Rachel leaned on Finns shoulder as they looked over it all from his truck bed.

"So what made you change your mind?" Finn said as he ran a hand through her soft hair.

Rachel sighed and relaxed into him more, enjoying the moment. "I knew that I loved you and I didn't want to waste anymore time foolishly thinking that you didn't really love me back." She turned a little to look into his eyes with her head still on his shoulder. "I was just being stubborn. I always knew that you loved me- I knew even when you told me you didn't." Her eyes started to glitter with the threat of tears, and she tried looking away before Finn noticed.

"Hey." Finn said gently as he turned her head with a finger. He wiped away a single tear that fell down her face and he frowned. "I love you." He said for the millionth time that day as he kissed the spot where a tear had once been. "I love you, I love you, I love you." He repeated each time he kissed away a tear. He brought his hands up to hold her face in his hands as he looked at her lovingly. "and I'm sorry."

Rachel giggled through his kisses but frowned again at his apology. "I don't ever want to hear you say that again, okay?" She kissed him back, on the nose. "I thought about it, and what you did had to be as hard for you as it was for me. And you only did it because you love me and you thought it would help me. In fact, it must have been so much harder for you because you had to be the one to end it. I would say that I can't even imagine how much it must have hurt but I know what living without you is like." She smiled sadly. "Which brings me back to your original question. What changed _your_ mind?"

Finn grinned as she settled back onto his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her. "I knew that I would always love you and I didn't want to waste anymore time foolishly thinking that I would ever forget you. It was so hard seeing you every day, knowing that I was the one making you sad, and knowing that I was the only one who could fix that. You matter so much to me. I fought with myself for so long- I had even convinced myself that you didn't love me anymore. It was when I picked you up in my truck that I knew I couldn't keep lying to myself." Finn rubbed her arm with the hand he had around her and kissed her temple.

"So what gave you the idea to sing that song to me? You know I almost had a heart attack when I realized where I knew that song from." She chuckled.

"It was Mike actually, he had asked me to join the Glee club a few weeks earlier, and it reminded me of when you asked me. I knew that I couldn't face seeing you there every day if I didn't at least try to get you back. Plus, I know you well enough to know you would enjoy being sung to." He poked her a little and she swatted his hand away.

"I never got a chance to tell you but you actually sounded lovely- if I hadn't been so mad at you I would have done this." Rachel suddenly got up from where she was sitting in the truck bed and turned around to straddled Finns lap. She brought both of her hands up to his face and let her lips crash down onto his. They both pulled back panting.

"Woah, Rachel." Finn smiled from ear to ear. "That was hot." Her kisses had sent electricity through his veins.

She leaned back in to press a quick chaste kiss on his lips. "You know what else was hot? Earlier, in the hallway at breadstix…" she grinned at him.

"And here I was, all ready to apologize for how rough I was being!" Finn pulled her in with a hand on the back of her head and returned the scorching kisses she had been giving him. He wound his fingers through her hair and got lost in the feeling of her soft lips on his.

They would spend the rest of the day there- Rachel insisted on being home late and giving her dads a scare. Finn couldn't say no to her either, the lake was so beautiful and so was she.


	32. Crazy

**A/N: This one took a little bit longer because well, it's a long chapter! Thought you guys deserved it because of how badly I've been updating and how short I've been doing chapters. Also, I tried to pay more attention to how well I was writing because I feel like I've been letting the quality go downhill**

**Thanks so much for your lovely reviews/alerts/favorites :)**

**Special thanks to Madisynn cuz she is super awesome and amazing and I'm so glad I can make her fangirl like she does and she needs to get an account so I can PM her!**

**Don't forget what I said about wanting to do a colab in the last chapter too!**

**There are only about two chapters left, with an epilogue. I'm going to finish! It's an atrocity when authors get you emotionally invested and then just disappear (*cough* *cough* Just Business and Shelter From The Storm)**

** Oh yuck. That was a long AN.**

* * *

It was almost 12 PM when Finn pulled into Rachel's driveway in his battered pick-up truck and went around the other side to help her out. Rachel wanted to be late, but not too late- she knew her dads probably wouldn't have anything against calling the police.

They snuck across the grass, whispering and ducking playfully under the windows. Rachel giggled when the motion sensor lights snapped on and Finn pushed at her jokingly. He pulled her up onto the sidewalk when they both decided there was no point in sneaking.

Finn had an arm around her shoulder as they walked up to her front door, and just as he was about to lean over for a goodnight kiss the hallway light came on. Finn snapped up straight and Rachel looked at him worriedly as the front door swung open to reveal her dad standing in the doorframe.

"Finn. Rachel. Please come inside, we both want to talk to you." Hiram said uneasily as he stepped aside and ushered the two through the doorway.

Finn wasn't quite sure what was going on, but his palms started to sweat when he remembered the last time he was in this very living room. He shoved the memory away and gripped Rachel's hand for comfort as they both prepared for the lecture they thought they were about to get.

Leroy came in to join them and Rachel prepared her best argument face as she scooched in closer to Finn and took both of his hands. "Daddies-" she said warningly as she glared them down. Finn focused on the pattern of the couch, shaking off more memories of his last visit here.

"Rachel, don't worry, we're not going to lecture you or yell at you- in fact, we want to- well we would like to- apologize." Hiram started out uneasily. He looked to Leroy and they took each other's hands before they both turned back to the young couple, "We're sorry." they said at the same time.

Finn cocked a perplexed eyebrow at Rachel who seemed to be opening and closing her mouth like a goldfish, at a loss for what to say. He turned back to take a long look at her fathers, that certainly was the last thing he expected to hear out of their mouths. He nervously wiped his clammy palms on the sides of his cargo pants as he licked his dry lips. "Um- Why?" He finally managed to get out through the mist of confusion plaguing his mind.

"What you said at Breadstix- you were both right. We've been treating you both unfairly, and you don't deserve it at all. Especially you Finn- it was so very inappropriate of us to threaten you like that. And Rachel, don't hold anything that Finn did against him, we are the ones that made him stay away from you. We're very sorry and we hope you can forgive us. If not, we just want you to know that we're giving you both our blessing." Hiram said as he gestured for Leroy to continue.

"We agree that you two make each other better, and that's really all we want for Rachel. You keep making her as happy as we have seen her with you, Finn, and you'll be alright in our book." He said, obviously painstakingly.

"Well this is- this is quite unexpected. What made you change your mind?" Rachel finally broke her silence, her brow knitted and her voice not doing well to hide the emotion she felt.

"Your actions in the restaurant really helped to wake us up; we're very sorry that it took such drastic actions to make us see that you two are meant to be. But also, Puck informed us of some things that helped changed our minds, I guess you have him to thank, really." Hiram answered.

Rachel turned to Finn with raised eyebrows and mouth open; they were both obviously surprised that Puck would say anything to defend them. They were already trying to recover from the shock of hearing adults actually say "We're sorry." and "You were right." in the space of ten minutes.

"What do you think?" Hiram asked nervously after almost a minute of deliberating silence.

Rachel could feel tears pricking the corners of her eyes and she bit her lip to hold them back. "Daddies!" She said excitedly as she launched herself off the sofa towards both of them for a hug. She pulled back from their returned embrace with a giggle and twirled around back to Finn to place a delicate kiss on his cheek.

Finn could only smile at Rachel's delighted grin that was lighting up the room. She was so full of life and oh so beautiful when she was like this, and Finn could only hope that he could keep making her this happy for a very long time.

Rachel took her place next to Finn and claimed his hand again before directing her beaming smile back at her dads. "Thank you _so_ much, you have no idea how much this means to us!" Rachel's face fell a little as she continued, "What you guys did was _really_ hurtful. I don't want to downplay that… but we're here now and that's all that matters." She brightened again as she finished.

Her dads faces fell as well and they shifted in their seats. Hiram spoke up again, "We know, and we really hope we can make everything we did up to you in time- but there are a few other things we think you should hear." Hiram turned to Leroy when he realized that this would be more his department. "Finn- we can't tell you how grateful we are for all the things you did for our Rachel. That said, there is something that we would like to ask of both of you. Well, we're not really _asking_."

Rachel bit her lip nervously and squeezed Finns hand again. She would never get tired of being able to find solitude in his big strong hands that enveloped her dainty ones.

Leroy pressed his palms together to rest his chin on the points of his fingers, as if he was contemplating his next words. He didn't need to say much. "Co-dependency." The room echoed with his voice as he let the word drop.

Rachel resisted the urge to roll her eyes and Finn took in a large gulp of air. "I don't think we need to say anymore. We've talked to you, you understand what we mean. You've both been through a lot; give each other some room to breathe once in a while, okay?" Hiram finished for him.

They both nodded silently, which seemed to satisfy her dads for now.

"Alright, well, it's almost one in the morning so I think it's bedtime for everyone." Hiram announced and Finn stood up to respectfully shake both of their hands and hug Rachel before he went to the door with her trailing behind him.

Rachel leaned out the open door when Finn walked through it and caught his hand just as he was about to continue on to his car. Finn turned around with a grin on his face as she leaned against the half closed door. They shared a loving smile as Finn thought about how beautiful she was; one hand in his, one disappearing behind the door as she leaned against it with her hip, showing off her slight curves and making her hair cascade down one shoulder. As if she read his mind, Rachel pulled him closer to her and slid one hand behind his neck to play with his hair as he put one hand up to her face and leaned in. He stopped when he was just inches away and looked into her eyes, "I love you." he said before closing the distance between them and claiming her lips for his own. "_I'll never get tired of this." _Finn thought before Rachel pulled away. But she didn't let him go, she stretched her hands across his back and hugged him tightly as she whispered back, "I love you so much."

Finn pulled his hands away from her waist and smiled at her more as he walked away backwards, letting his hand slip out of hers as he walked away.

It was so hard to be away from her, he wanted to be with her forever.

* * *

Finn was sitting up in bed with so many happy thoughts running through his head he couldn't sleep. Today had been too exciting to sleep. He rolled over in bed as his phone beeped once and smiled when he saw who it was.

Rachel: Today was crazy :)

Finn chuckled, that was exactly what he was thinking.

Finn: It was, I can't believe that just this mrning I had no idea if I wuld ever get 2 love you again. So much changed in just half a day.

He pressed send, not sure if he should add a smile or a half smile or not. Even if it was hard, it was the truth.

Rachel: I'm so glad things changed tho. I really wish I were with you right now. Is it weird that I miss you already?

Finn: No way that's not crazy. I miss you even when it's been 5 mins since I last saw you. You're perfect, Rach.

And he really meant it, he loved everything about Rachel and he wanted her to know it. He knew that she would protest but he thought he might as well try.

Rachel: Well I'm not PERFECT but I appreciate the sentiment :D Ur not so bad urself.

Finn: Yes you are & haha thanks a lot. :P

Rachel: Hey so since I already miss you I really need to see you tomorrow.

Finn was excited at the thought of being able to see his girl again so soon. It felt so good to say, he wanted to shout it, _my girl. _

Finn: Anytime u wake up call me nd come over, I'll be home all day, it's Saturday! Can't wait to see u, baby.

Rachel: Sounds like a plan, I'll be dreaming of you tonight :*

Finn: Hey, I love you, Rachel. :*

* * *

Rachel was swinging her legs off the edge of Finns bed and scrolling through his iTunes as he leaned back and just watched her. She was babbling on about how he needed to expand his library or his taste in music or something but he was just watching her cute little mouth and her long legs. She didn't have a problem with her dads today, they let her come over without any hesitation and it was probably because they still felt bad. But hey, neither Finn nor Rachel were complaining.

"Hey, Finn." Rachels more hesitant voice cut into his thoughts and he looked up to find her looking at him and not the computer.

"Mmm?" he said lazily.

"Can I ask you something?" She said, obviously trying to voice something that had been on her mind.

"Anything." Finn replied softly.

Rachel slid a hand behind her and across the bed to place it on his leg. She looked up from her hand and into his eyes. "Did you hurt yourself again?" She said quietly, almost in a whisper. "When we weren't-"

Finn sighed deeply and looked away from her.

"Finn?" Rachel said in a tight voice. He looked over to see that her eyes were threatening tears.

The instant that Finn shook his head Rachel put down the laptop and crawled over to him. She sat beside him and leaned into him and kissed his cheek lightly. "I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it though, or come close to trying it again." Finns voice cracked as he pulled Rachel closer to him. She was biting her lip but she couldn't help but let a choked sob through.

"Hey, hey, Rachel. I'm not the only one with scars." He said as he brought a gentle hand up to the scars on her neck. "How are _you_ doing?"

Finn dried the last of her tears as she took in a deep breath to compose herself. "I just never want to see you hurt again." She said.

"Well if you don't want to see that then you better stop crying because you're killing me right now." Finn smiled at her sweetly. She laughed a little and buried her head in his neck.

Her head was under his chin, so he could barely hear her when she whispered in a high voice, "I was so scared when I saw him coming towards me. But the last thing I remember thinking was that you were there, so nothing really bad was going to happen."

Finn bit his lip hard as he squeezed her so that she was as close to him as possible. She never talked about that day; he couldn't imagine how bad it was for her. He would never get over the guilt her felt about not being able to save her.

They lay next to each other just like that for at least ten minutes, with Finn holding onto her for his life. Finn was almost asleep when Rachel brought her head up again, "Hey, Finn?" She said once again.

"Yeah, babe?" he answered groggily, much to Rachel's amusement.

"Shut up." He croaked again when she giggled.

"Do you know I love it when you call me babe?" she replied as she straddled his chest while his eyes were still half closed. "And Rach too, Rach is the best. You sound heartbreakingly cute when you're tired."

"Were you going to say something?" Finn said gruffly as he cracked open one of his eyes at her.

Rachel chuckled some more and finally remembered her first point. "We have to tell our friends." She said more seriously. "About us."

Finn opened both eyes. "Well since you're the one bringing it up I'd bet you already know exactly how we're going to do that."

"You know me too well." She grinned as she climbed off of him and headed back to his computer.

Finn slowly and reluctantly sat up, "Well now I'm curious and I can't go back to sleep."

"You'll just have to wait and find out." She shot back, not even looking at him.

Finn just groaned and let his head fall back onto the pillow. Rachel laughed at him again. "You know if I wasn't so damn tired I'd get up and tickle the truth out of you."

"I love you." She said in her cutest voice as she chucked one of his pillows at him.


	33. Only We Would Know

**A/N: I am sosososo sorry for the long wait! And it was a REALLY long wait :(**

**But hey, at least this chapter is really freakin' long! For me, anyways…**

**I have so much going on right now it's crazy and I just got back from Ghana and had my Sr. Prom so yeah life is hectic right now. Thanks for sticking with me guys :D**

* * *

Rachel couldn't be more proud than she felt now; casually walking down the hallways with _her boyfriend's _hand in hers, not a care in the world as to what other people were thinking. Everything went as if it were in slow motion; was it only a few months ago that she _thought_ she had it all? She wasn't exactly happy about all the things that had brought her here, but if they hadn't happened to her she wouldn't be who she was today. She was the girl with the perfect loving boyfriend who was going to graduate in a month and have the world at her fingertips.

"Hey, babe?" Finn said softly as they arrived at her locker, she loved that he squeezed her hand before he released it.

"Yeah." She snapped out of her reverie and grinned at him widely.

"I'm going to the main office; I heard they had some letters from colleges and I was hoping mine would be there." He said nonchalantly, shrugging as tried to look at anything but her.

"Oh, Finn, that's amazing! Why aren't you more excited about this?" She said as she launched towards him and pulled him into a hug, slipping her arms under his shoulders and squeezing him with her eyes shut tight.

The smile Finn had from the surprise of her embrace faded and he looked down at the ground when Rachel let him go. "Have you thought about what's going to happen to us?" He said softly.

"Only all the time, Finn." Rachel answered slowly and honestly as she brought a hand up to his face, "My letter won't be out for at least another week though, let's talk about this later, okay?" She reached up to kiss him lightly on the cheek before whispering, "I love you." and turned back to her locker.

Finn smiled and kissed her forehead before he made his way down the hallway. He loved the way she tasted like cherries.

* * *

Finn walked down the hallway uneasily, flipping the letter in his hands over and over again without looking at it. He had left the office right after he had gotten it without so much as even daring to open it. The seriousness of what this letter could contain gave him a bad feeling that sat in the pit of his stomach and made him feel sick. He couldn't even think about opening it without Rachel, and he hoped there would be a little time before Glee club started so that he could talk to her. He was really scared, and only she would understand that. He thought this was what he wanted, he had dreamed about playing college ball since he was old enough to reach up and change the channel to ESPN. This year had changed a lot, though, and the prospect of being only a few miles from home suddenly didn't seem so appealing.

Finn walked into the Glee club to see all of the people that he had come to know in the past few months, his _friends_, all gathered together in their seats chatting away happily. He saw Rachel straightening up her sheet music by the piano and went over immediately to her; he just needed her right now.

Rachel spun around with a huge grin on her face, she really did look pretty today, and he loved the way her dress flared out and her hair fell around her face as she turned. He had to pinch himself constantly; there was no way that this girl was his girlfriend, he wasn't taking anything for granted. He took her hand and leaned in to kiss her but she quickly put a finger up to his lips and pushed him back a little, an alarmed look on her face. "We haven't told them yet!" she whispered urgently.

Finn groaned and pressed a hand to his forehead before looking at her pleadingly. "Babe we have to tell them soon, I can't be around you and not be able kiss you."

Rachel bit her lip and smiled up at him through her eyelashes. "I told you I have a plan, but if you stay here and keep trying to kiss me you're going to ruin it!" she giggled. "It's sort of a present for you too. Just sit down and I'll give you a big kiss later. Okay, sweetie?" She bit back a smile and looked around to make sure no one had seen their interaction.

Rachel leaned back against the piano and watched Finn saunter over to his seat. It was so hard not to lean over and just kiss him, he was so sweet and she loved him so much. Rachel had to bring herself away from staring at him as she cleared her throat to call everyone's attention.

Most of the Glee kids turned around, a few rolled their eyes, and some continued texting as Rachel prepared to make her announcement.

"Fellow Glee clubbers, I would like to perform a number that I have been working on for a little while if that's alright with Mr. Schuester." She looked towards her teacher and he nodded in approval. "I have something to tell all of you, but I wasn't really sure how to phrase it, so I decided that I would inform you all through song. I only hope you can support my decision." she said firmly as she pursed her lips and used both her hands to smooth out her dress, a gesture that only Finn would know was nervousness.

"Are you going to stand there all day or do I have to tell creepy piano man to 'hit it' myself?" Santana spoke up, clearing her throat first through the awkward silence.

Brad, the pianist, rolled his eyes as he began playing and Santana winked at him obviously.

Rachel started out quiet, several years of experience with singing in front of an audience taught her to build a song for effect. Finn smiled as soon as he recognized the song, Rachel's voice was so beautiful and he could just kiss her for choosing a song with such a special message for only him. It was the song from that day when it rained, just like he had sung for her.

_Heart beats fast_

_Colors and promises_

_How to be brave_

_How can I love when I'm afraid_

_To fall_

_But watching you stand alone_

_All of my doubt_

_Suddenly goes away somehow_

_One step closer_

Just as she sang these lyrics she took a step towards Finn who was sitting in the first row. She didn't focus on him quite yet as she wanted to gauge the clubs reaction first. So far everything seemed normal, it was just another pitch-perfect performance by Rachel Berry.

_I have died everyday_

_Waiting for you_

_Darlin' don't be afraid_

_I have loved you for a_

_Thousand years_

_I'll love you for a_

_Thousand more_

Rachel had been moving back and forth across the room but this time she settled back into her spot in front of him. She finally gave up the façade and looked her love right in the eye and just sang to him. The song was more for him than for the rest of the group, anyways. She wanted to let them know that they were together now, so she was just going to sing to him for all she was worth.

_Time stands still_

_beauty in all he is_

Several sets of eyebrows shot up at her lyric change. She met each of them levelly in the eye, showing that she meant business.

_I will be brave_

_I will not let anything_

_Take away_

_What's standing in front of me_

_Every breath,_

_Every hour has come to this_

_One step closer_

_I have died everyday_

_Waiting for you_

_Darlin' don't be afraid_

_I have loved you for a_

_Thousand years_

_I'll love you for a_

_Thousand more_

_And all along I believed_

_I would find you_

_Time has brought_

_Your heart to me_

Rachel placed a hand over her heart as she stood even closer to Finn, almost between his knees. He took her hand and gave her this look that made her heart stop. It was a look only they would know, one that told her that he was going to love her forever, and it made her feel so completely at peace but nervous all at the same time.

_I have loved you for a_

_Thousand years_

_I'll love you for a_

_Thousand more_

Memories of Rachel's soft skin and lips flashed through Finns mind as her clear voice washed over him. He could smell her, warm like hot chocolate, and remember the way he felt the first time they had kissed. His heart beat erratically and a tingling feeling settled in the middle of his chest, urging him to profess his undying love for her from the nearest roof top. Only the sound of a light smattering of applause from the Glee club snapped him out of his reverie. He immediately stood to claim her in his arms. He wasn't sure how he had gotten across the room so fast but suddenly he was sweeping her off her feet, spinning her around as she shrieked with happy laughter. He almost forgot about everyone else in the room as he set her down and leaned in to touch noses with her, "I love you, _so much_." He said proudly, his voice swelled with emotion at the truth of his statement. "That was beautiful." Rachel giggled nervously as she turned to look at her friends, reminding him that he should probably save that for later.

His heart dropped to see a larger number of frowns and dropped jaws than he had expected as he held her hand in his. Mercedes crossed her arms as she addressed the two of them, "Oh, what in the _hell_?" she inflected loudly as she turned to the rest of the group.

"Yeah, what's going on here?" Tina shook her head in confusion.

Mercedes looked back and forth between the two before turning back to her friends, "Okay gang, I knew we should have had that Finntervention a helluva long time ago like I said because this is by far the dumbest thing she has _ever_ done; and this is Berry we're talking about here!"

Rachel furrowed her brow and placed a closed fist on each of her hips, Finn knew she was about to get very upset. "Excuse me, _Mercedes_, but I am right here and I do not appreciate you describing the miracle of me and Finns relationship as 'dumb."

A few of the Glee clubbers bit back laughter and some just laughed openly. Finn bit his lip at Rachel's choice of words but chose to stay by her side as he shot a deadly glare at those who we're laughing. He could tell that things weren't going to settle down by the way Mr. Schuester was struggling to get the room under control. Santana spoke up through her laughter and through Mr. Schue's shushes as he decided to just sit down and let things happen.

"We're sorry if we can't really appreciate the 'miracle' of King Kong here finally getting little Fay Wray in his grasp and being able to squeeze so tight that she can't get away this time, or sing well." Santana taunted Rachel sarcastically, complete with little hand gestures.

Finn cut Rachel off as soon as he saw her open her mouth; he wasn't going to leave her to defend herself, especially when he was the cause of all of the tension in the room. "Look, me and Rachel are in love, neither of us is forcing the other to do anything against their will. And I don't even _need_ to tell you that Rachel is the best singer in here, Santana, we all know that so don't be a bitch."

The collective gasp he heard afterwards told him that maybe he wasn't the best at picking his words wisely, either. He used the hand that wasn't holding onto Rachel and rubbed it into his forehead to ease the oncoming headache.

Mercedes spoke up again, "Look, white boy. You're the one on trial here so you're not really helping yourself by coming up in here and insulting one of our own. Now Santana here is a bitch, no offense home girl-" Santana just waved it off and continued to shoot daggers at Finn with her eyes, "but only friends are allowed to address her as such."

"I'm really sorry Santana, this is all really stressful. Call me crazy, but I thought we were all getting close, I thought I was friends with all of you guys." Finn said, a little more than hurt. Rachel looked up at him apologetically and squeezed his hand.

"Well you can't just hurt our little girl- and you hurt her bad, and expect us all to be on board with you when you get back together with her. Who's to say you won't hurt her again?" Mercedes arched an eyebrow and awaited his response.

Nobody expected it when Rachel piped up in response for him, after minutes of remaining silent. Her voice came out more collectedly than even she herself had expected. "I'm really flattered that you guys are so protective of me, but I really need you to trust me when I say this wasn't just a rushed decision. I thought about this, I wasn't being 'dumb'. Now I thought that the song would be enough and you guys would be supportive, but obviously you all need a little explanation." She dropped Finns hand and directed him towards his seat amongst everyone else. She turned around and pulled the piano bench forward so she could sit on it and face everyone. The sound of the bench scraping on the floor cut through the silence and into her thoughts, and it was only then that she realized how real everything was. She sat down and faced the people she loved.

"I haven't told all of you this, and the few of you that I have told don't even know the whole truth. The truth is that Finn rescued me, and I owe him a million second chances for what he did. The truth is- that- the truth is-" Finn started to stand when he saw that Rachel's eyes were shiny with the threat of tears, but she shook her head a little and he sat back down. If he came over to comfort her she would just lose it completely. She bit back her tears and held her head up as she continued. "The truth is that Zach used to abuse me. Some of you know that from when I had to go to the hospital- but what you don't know is that he had been doing that for _a long time_. It started out with words; he used to say some pretty horrible things to me, things I won't get into right now. But this year he started actually- he would-" Rachel took a deep sad breath before she continued, "He would hit me. Several times actually."

Some of her friends gasped and some just looked around at each other in surprise as she licked her lips nervously and tried to find the words to continue. Mr. Schuester beat her to it, "Rachel, have you told anyone else? You know I'm going to have to report this."

"It doesn't matter now, really. He's in jail now and I'm going to have to go through the whole process of testifying soon. I'm seeing a therapist, which is the only reason I can say all of this to you openly, and I really just want to put all of it behind me for now- but that's not the point. The point is-" Rachel gesticulated wildly in frustration when she couldn't find the words to say for maybe the first time in her life. "The point is Finn saved me!" She came out with finally. He smiled at her lovingly from across the room and it lifted her spirits, proving just how much her words were true.

"He was the only one that noticed what was going on with me. He was the only one to try and _stop_ Zach. He convinced me, somehow, that _I_ mattered! He convinced me, Rachel Berry, the girl whose only exciting activity on a Friday night is uploading her MySpace videos, that _I_ matter. Finn has known everything I'm telling you all along, and he's the one who has been helping me through it all." She gave another sad smile before she started to continue.

"Why didn't you say anything, Rachel?" Tina said with a furrowed brow. "We would have helped you if we had known."

"I know it must hurt that I didn't say anything to you guys, but honestly the only reason Finn knows is because he figured it out. I was too scared to say anything, but looking back I wish I had shared my struggles with all of you."

"Well we're sorry we never noticed, you always seem so confident and together, I guess. Thanks for helping her for us, Finn." Tina half smiled at Finn and he smiled back.

"I know that sometimes I seem to have it together, but I just feel so out of control sometimes," Rachel admitted. "and I want to thank you guys for always being there for me. We're a family, and that's why your opinion matters to me. Now I'm not telling you all of this so that you can feel sorry for me, I want you to know why Finn is here to stay even though it seemed like he really hurt me. After what happened with Zach my dad's made us promise that we would take things easy for a while. When they realized how hard it was for us, my dad's came to Finn and told him to stay away from me. They sort of- well, they blackmailed him, and even though he didn't care about their threats, he thought that the best thing for us would be to not see each other." Everyone had thoughtful looks on as she got to the end of her speech- explaining what had happened between them and how they had gotten back together at Breadstix, leaving out a few details of course. "That's why for all the things that Finn did, I will always forgive him; because for all of the times he made me cry- he made me smile twice as much. Because without Finn, I'm not even sure if I would be alive today; whether it was by Zach's hand or my own." Rachel brought a hand up to clear a tear from her eye she hadn't even known was falling. She realized that her last words had left many of her friends shocked- worried even, and she forced a smile at them through her tears.

An awkward silence resounded before Rachel rubbed her hands in her eyes and heard the scrape of chairs on the floor. Several of her friends had stood up and were coming towards her with open arms. They all were eventually embracing her she couldn't help but giggle, and a few of them joined in laughing. "We love you Rachel." Santana piped up, to everyone's surprise.

"Yeah, and I guess Finn isn't so bad either." Tina added to everyone's laughter.

"Not so bad?" Mercedes questioned as everyone started to back out of the hug. "Finn you damn near saved my girls life, you're pretty _amazing_ in my book." She squeezed his arm and he smiled back. "We're sorry we judged you without knowing the situation."

Rachel found her way over to him and fell into his chests as his arms pulled her closer and his fingers ran through her hair. "He is amazing." Rachel smiled lovingly as she brought her head out of his warm, heavenly smelling chest. "And it makes me so happy that you guys feel the same."

Rachel tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she looked around at all of her best friends. "That was all so hard for me to say, but I am so glad you guys know now."

"I can't believe we didn't notice, Rachel. We all would have put a stop to that if we had known that Zach was doing that to you." Mike said sincerely. "But hey, who needs us when you have one of the best guys I know, Finn Hudson." Mike punched him in the shoulder and everyone cheered at his statement. Rachel squeezed him tighter and thanked her amazingly lucky stars that she had somehow gotten the best guy and the best friends ever. They all continued like that, standing in the middle of the choir room and talking about how cute Finn and Rachel were, upcoming Nationals, and even how strong Rachel had been through all of this.

As she squeezed him she felt something like paper under his jacket. She peeked around to see an envelope in his back pocket, hidden slightly under his letterman jacket. She tapped it lightly and looked at him curiously, "What is that?" she mouthed silently under the chatter of all her friends around her. "Later." He mouthed back and shook his head as his smile fell. Rachel was only able to frown back at him momentarily before Mr. Schuester called to get into position for rehearsal.


	34. This Feeling

**A/N: Wow. I am. So. Freakin. Busy. I don't even remember what it was like to write a chapter in one day. So I kinda lied, this is not going to be the last chapter before the epilogue, there will be one more. Yay! Oh, and I know that I mentioned Shelter From The Storm a while back in my A/N and I just want to inform you that the author UPDATED IT finally so go read it :D**

**Oh, and BTW I am now a high-school graduate! Maybe this summer I won't be busy and will be able to write (pshhh)**

**It's a lil short but I love you all! Enjoy :)**

**(Also, don't murder me, but expect a new short story up soon-ish.)**

* * *

Glee club was over and Finn and Rachel were making their way down the halls and to the parking lot. Their steps echoed down the empty hallways as they basked in the feeling of just being together, no pressure. Finn smiled down at Rachel and shouldered her a little and she just grinned back at him. She looked ahead once again and a thoughtful look came across her face. Finn furrowed his brow, unsure of what she was thinking.

"Rach, you okay?" He asked simply. He loved that about their relationship; he could ask her anything at anytime and know it would be okay.

"Yeah, I'm absolutely wonderful." She assured him with her small thumb brushing comfortingly across his knuckles in a way that he loved. But her face faltered once more. "It's just-" She sighed and gestured towards his back with a nod of her head, "Is that your letter?"

Finn's face lit up in comprehension as he reached around and pulled the letter out of his back pocket, "Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot. See-" He looked down at the ground and kicked up imaginary dust. "I just didn't want to open it without you." Finn said lowly

"Well, what's wrong with that, Finn? Don't look so sad." She smiled at him encouragingly as she shouldered him like he did earlier.

"No, that's the thing." He stopped at the door to the parking lot and blew out a breath before shrugging his shoulders. "I didn't get in."

"What?" Rachel exclaimed in disbelief. "Gimme that." She demanded as she grabbed the envelope from his hands and turned it over to inspect it. She looked up at him, perplexed. "Finn! You haven't even opened it, you even said so yourself."

"It's too thin." Finn mumbled as he continued looking at his feet, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible.

"What?" Rachel said once again, a little quieter this time.

"I said it's thin." He repeated with a little more attitude and volume.

"Finn, that's ridiculous. Don't be silly." Rachel rolled her eyes. "You're a shoe-in for that football scholarship, and coach talked you up to all the recruiters! I mean, yes, perhaps your GPA isn't off the charts, but whose is? Besides, your grades _are_ improving and you have a lot of really good extracurricular activities, and I read your essay- it was really good." She said matter-of-factly as she crossed her arms.

"Rachel, look, I didn't get in- and I don't care." He placed both his hands on her either of her shoulders and looked into her eyes to try and make her understand.

"But- your football scholarship? You've always wanted to play for Ohio state- you make me watch the games after I make you watch Funny Girl." Rachel floundered, hoping that what he was saying wasn't true.

Finn removed his hands from Rachel's shoulders and gnawed on his lip while looking out through the glass doors.

"Help me understand." She said finally, moving her head around to catch his eyes when she saw him looking around for answers.

"I don't want to go because- I want to be with you." He said, suddenly turning to her. A look of understanding spread slowly across Rachel's face. "When you find something this amazing you don't just give it up like that. Rachel, I've never felt this way and I don't want to stop feeling this way for one second- for one moment of the rest of my life. I know it sounds crazy but- we can find a way in New York." Finn bit his lip as he waited for her response. "We can." He repeated himself, not sure of who he was reassuring.

"It's not crazy." She replied quickly but earnestly. "But I had no idea this is what you wanted. I guess I never really let myself imagine it. It would be amazing!" Rachel jumped up and down excitedly with Finns hands in hers. "We would get to live together and continue seeing each other every day and just experience the beginning of our lives together and all of it would take place in the city of my dreams! It's so exciting to think about!" Rachel took a deep breath after her manic speed-talking session and took a second to think. Her face fell a little as she continued slowly.

"I don't want to stop feeling this way either, Finn, but are you sure this is what you want? Think about it- what are you going to do while I'm in class? Where are we going to live, and are you going to get a job? Living in New York City is pretty expensive, if we're going to do this there is a lot to think about and prepare for. But- I guess I'm sort of jumping the gun here, I don't even _know_ if I got into NYADA." Rachel sighed sadly and Finn put a finger under her chin, lifting her face to his.

"Rachel, it's going to be alright, okay? Don't worry." Finn waited until Rachel nodded silently before leaning forward and placing a small kiss on her lips. "And Rach? There's one more thing." Rachel looked up at him questioningly and noticed he looked slightly nervous. Finn slid his fingers down her arms to intertwine their hands. "Go to dinner with me tonight." Finn grinned at Rachel's reaction as she removed her hands from his and threw them around his shoulders, jumped into his arms, and squealed in delight. Finn picked her up off the ground and spun her around before she pulled back slightly and kissed him as he was putting her down. "So I'll take that as a yes?" Finn laughed as they both headed out the doors to his car.

* * *

Finn pulled into her driveway five minutes early and nervously wiped his sweaty palms onto the seat of his truck. He reached over to examine the second letter that he had pulled out of his backpack when he had gotten home. Maybe this was a bad idea, what if Rachel would be mad at him? He had no idea what her reaction would be when she saw what he was currently holding in his hands. Finn tucked it away in the glove compartment and climbed out of his truck, smoothing down his dress shirt and grabbing the flowers he bought her from the back of his truck. He smiled as he straightened some of the tulips in the bouquet, her favorites. As Finn walked up the path to her front door he remembered the time they had held hands as they were walking up this very same sidewalk. Even if she _was_ partially hung over, she managed to be so beautiful and he remembered how in awe he was that her hands could be so soft. It was after she had professed that she liked him back, and he told her he wanted to be with her. That was before everything got… complicated. In fact, that was just the beginning of when the world had started trying to tear them apart. But Finn knew they had come out stronger, they had come out knowing for a fact that they mattered and nothing was going to keep them apart ever again.

Finn had to stop halfway up to her door- a thought struck him so suddenly that he was left breathless and reeling. How could he have not realized it before? Finn could feel every liter of blood pulsing through his veins from the very center of all these emotions, his heart. An explosive feeling bubbled up from inside of his chest and manifested itself as wonderstruck smile that spread across his face from ear to ear. Upbeat end-of-the-movie music started playing in the back of his mind as everything began to spin around as he ran the rest of the way up to her front door. He knocked loudly at the door and Rachel came within the minute, she had to. Finn scooped her up the second she appeared in the door, and boy did she appear. She was wearing a short deep purple dress with a gold belt, and she had her hair down and curled the way Finn liked it. He spun her around, laughing the whole time. He kissed a very confused Rachel passionately, and she didn't question it, she only kissed him back. "I love everything about you, Rachel Berry, and you are so damn beautiful." He set her down to see the elated look on her face.

He was going to remember this forever as the moment he realized that he was going to marry Rachel Berry.


End file.
